Saturday, August 9, 2008

Costume Rental Places: Please Contact Whiskey Marie

I was reading my friend Whiskey Marie's blog post this morning and it turns out she's having some issues with her contractor. She says in her post that she's going to give him a break and hand him a get out of jail free card.

Since the lovely blogger Gwen so nicely gave her a gift basket recently, it's making me ponder what I can give her so I too can be her friend. Well, I'm already her blogger friend I assume, but I want to be MORE than that. She's one of these chicks that's not only really good looking and sexy but she's also really cool and she's a rocker type and doesn't care about posting pics of herself in goofy (cute) poses. I'm seein' the relationship developing into something like we're hanging out, watching Elvis Costello and other Punk (and some New Wave) videos - (I'll whip out Waiting for Guffman if things seem to be getting too serious). We'll probably be chompin' on some really fresh shrimp and eating pistachios. And she's really cool too- she insists I throw the shells on the floor. She's like that.

Anyways, we're also discussing blogging and she says, "I really like that you're a DOCTOR Zibbs. Would you mind taking a look at this mole and make sure it hasn't moved?"

She pulls up her white tank top (no bra - she's like that) and points to her nipple, jokingly meaning that her nipple is the mole. After she pins me to the floor and tickles me, crazy, laughed filled screwing begins..Squeeze's "Pulling Muscles From A Shell" is blaring. .....Man this is gonna be great!

OK, here's my gift so we can move this friendship up to the next level: Instead of just handing your contractor the Get Out of Jail Free Card, I'll come over, put on the Monopoly Man outfit that's going to be arriving at your house soon and hand it to him wearing the costume. And to really make it great, you'll say to him, there's one more thing to fix, it's in that closet. You leave the room and when he opens the closet, I emerge, all royally and hand his lazy ass the card and say, "You've earned this" (and I'll say it exactly how King Friday from Mr Rogers would say it. I might ad lib something in there about Lady Elaine but I'm not sure yet).
OK, there you go. Call me when the costume arrives. I'll bring the shrimp and pistachios.


McGone said...

Well, one things for sure... Whiskey won't have to wonder if that restraining order is a good idea anymore. I'm sure she's already down at the court house.

Gwen said...

Have you been reading too much Fee Feasible Prophecies again?

Elizabeth said...

Shrimp AND pistacios? Yum.

Falwless said...

WTF, Dr. W.T.F.

Switch out "pistachios" with "peanuts in the shell" and this is the exact same fucking fantasy scenario you emailed me a couple of weeks ago.

You are dead to me.

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh, Dr. Zibbs. You flatter me so. I'm blushing as I type, you dirty bird.
I'm all for the Squeeze, the pistachios, the Waiting for Guffman and the tickle party, but if you bring me shrimp it's gonna be ugly. I can't stand sea bugs.
Bring me bacon instead, o.k?

The costume idea is sheer brilliance. I will be watching my mail closely while I work on my "top hat" costume and decorate the floors with giant Monopoly squares.

As far as the nipple inspection/screwing thingy goes, I'll run it by the Mr. and see what he thinks and get back to you.
But- I will need a non-retouched 8x10" full-body shot, a detailed health history (including STDs), a vial of your blood, a urine sample and a note from your closest living relative from you before I can consider this.
I know- details, details.

Since my friendship can be bought through gifts, flattery, cocktails or any combination of the three...
you, Dr. Zibbs are most definitely my friend.

Dr Zibbs said...

Whiskey, I will prepare the requested items. As for the bacon, I'll get the thick kind.

Rider said...

I laughed at King Friday and even said that sentence in his lisping voice. He was a fey king, wasn't he? But oh so wise.

ÄsK AliCë said...

I'm kinda scared for Whiskey Marie right now

BeckEye said...

How dare you have sex to Squeeze (with anyone but me). You could have at least done it to "Slap and Tickle."

180360 said...

I love Whiskeymarie.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

linking to pictures like you have done here also gets attention ... King Friday

Googalling back to Hollydale :-)