Friday, August 22, 2008

The Secret Bathroom Stories of People And The Peoples That Love Those Peoples

A few years ago, I mentioned something to a few of the gals I worked with and they couldn't believe their ears. It was like when you tell a kid where a baby comes from. What I told them was about one of our visitors to the building and what he was doing in the bathroom. What was this it? While at the urinal, while he was peeing, he had his hands on his hips.

Yup, That was it. The questions started rolling in.

"Is that normal?"

"Do most guys do that?"

When I told them the move is achieved by putting your thing through the hatch on the underwear - and that some guys will even put both their hands behind their neck and use their urinating time to get some stretching in, they got even more giddy and curious. You would have thought I was Magellan returning from the lab after inventing the cotton gin.

"Do you have to be large to do that move?"

"Do the pants have to come ALL the way down."

Just like the purpose of this blog is to help in the battle against Lupus, it's also to educate people. So I think this would be a great time to ask you people to share some secrets that happen behind closed doors.
OK then. Get commenting.


Anonymous said...


Barbara Walters is a secret robot ninja assassin. She is in league with the Rockefellers and the new world order to flush out the people that know the truth and kill them.

Take some time to absorb it.

McGone said...

Please poobomber. Of course she's a scret robot ninja assassin. I mean... duh. I think that was the cover story on Parade magazine a few years ago.

I'm always disturbed by the hands free maneuvers in the men's room.

MJenks said...

My wife was amazed the first time I pulled the "towel trick" coming out of the bathroom.

Falwless said...

I am perpetually curious about the goings on in the boy's room, especially the goings on at the urinals. It must be so weird to stand and pee there next to someone.

Do you talk to eachother, or is that considered off-limits?

Do you ever spy the other's, you know, stuff? Just for comparison?

How do you stand there without your pants falling down?

Have you ever achieved a hard-on just from fiddling with it, trying to pull it out to pee? What do you do then?

Please answer soon, boys.

Jon said...

Whenever I stand at the urinal, I like to imagine I'm some sort of land-owning tyrant, surveying a field of migrant workers.

Gwen said...

You would have thought I was Magellan returning from the lab after inventing the cotton gin.

Zibbs, you kill me.

I learned about the hands-free pee while attending a wedding in Chicago. My date's dad did it and it was the talk of reception.

Anonymous said...

What if he slips and splashes the guy next to him? Is that kind of like toe tapping the the stalls?

Dr Zibbs said...

Jon: The most I've ever laughed at a comment. Hysterical!
Gwen: Thanks for the very accurate compliment.
As for the questions people have asked, here you go:
Do we talk to each other?: Yes but must stare straight. Do we spy?: some have tried but I've installed "zipper blinders" so they can't see. Do pants fall down?: Will not answer that immature and stupid question. Ever achieved hard on during?: No, I picture a car crash full of baseball players in my head. Do we slip and splash?: Only to prove our bathroom dominence or as a playful joke.

Mo said...

Wait, you guys have hatches and zipper blinders? No fair. Screw Victoria's Secret, I want to shop at Inspector Gadget Underthings, too.

Falwless said...

Do pants fall down?: Will not answer that immature and stupid question.

WTF!?! That was a serious question, asshole! Seriously!

Dr Zibbs said...

Falwless, the reason the pants don't fall down is that you don't even unbutton your pants button. You pull the zipper down and then pull you thing through. Unless you're a 4 year old kid - which - I've seen in public bathrooms, they pull their pants all the way down sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Bathroom secrets shared. Just look at my blog post today. What's with all the potty talk today?

Lyla Lou said...

I judge the women in my office who choose not to use the provided paper seat covers.

MJenks said...

Zibbs is leading you slightly astray. There is to be no talking at the urinal. If someone does, then you can either follow what Zibbs says and stare straight ahead, or you can whip around mid-stream and hose off their legs.

Guess which boat I'm in.

Also, there's no spying as proper urinal etiquette mandates that you leave an empty pisser between you and the guy next to you. If there is no such way to do this, you go to mirror, check your hair to make sure it's in proper working order and your nose to make sure nothing is hanging out of it, and then you leave the bathroom discreetly. Or you piss in the sink.

Leonesse said...

I'm with lyla lou, but I fold the ass gasket double and only sit on the very edge, if I have to sit at all.

I am very adept at the "Women's Hover"tm as I try as much as I can not to use public restrooms and remain a good 3 inches above the seat.

And that seems like too much information. Eh, that's what blogging is for, right?

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

Personally, I like dividers between urinals -- and am certainly no fan of the dreaded trough.

Anonymous said...

Personally I use the shenis. I find it's not only functional but makes the women in the stall next to you parnoid that they walked into the wrong bathroom. It is a bit awkward rinsing it out afterwards though.

Dale said...

There's nothing I hate more than someone trying to casually chit chat while I have my dick in my hand. Just sayin'.

Gwen said...

Oh, Jesus God, I hate the women who hover. Seriously, get over yourselves. There's nothing to be afraid of and all you accomplish is pissing on the seat.

I probably just pissed off (HA!) a lot of women, but that;s how I feel about it.

Anonymous said...

Gwen - I'm with you. Just sit down and have at it. There's nothing living on that toilet seat that's going to kill you.

Distributorcap said...

urinal etiquette
how did i miss this......

how about when you are peeing, and you hear someone have a giant fart

just saying