Chester County Man Plans Valentine's Day Treat For Locals.

As a special Valentine's treat I will be wearing the above "Elephant Underwear" today. I will be riding in the back of a pickup truck. No schedule has been set so probably best to have a buddy so you can alternate standing outside all day so you don't miss me.

When you hear "It's Raining Men" in the distance you'll know I'm almost there so start screaming, "HE'S COMING!!!!"

When I approach I'll stand, give a few shakes and swirls of the trunk and toss bubble gum and hard candy to the crowds while giving a friendly wink and a wave.

Some Valentine's Day Ideas For Your Honey. Irons.

Sure. You can go out and get your lady a card, jewelry and flowers on Valentine's Day but everyone does that. Here are some more creative ways to celebrate that special day:

1) Wake up a few minutes early so you can position your junk 3 inches from her face when she opens her eyes on this special day. Surprise! Paint a heart on it? It's up to you.

2) Get cards that you've collected in the past year and cut and paste them to make a "Love Card". Perhaps a pumpkin walking down the beach with an Easter Bunny? New Years Eve streamers littering the beach? I don't know.

3) You can even clip the inside of cards and use the words in clever ways. It's really simple. Here's an example of what I clipped:

"I'm Happy that you are grieving the loss of YOU'RE my loved one. Love is LIKE THE first holy communion of a MERRY time. Please RSVP if you want to attend ME."

It's THAT simple !

4) Don't just GIVE her an iron. Offer to watch her use it. (Note: make sure that the ironing board is away from the TV so you don't have to ask her to move mid-iron).

Do you have any tips? If I think of anymore I'll add them to the comments area.

Chester County Blogger Offers Slow Ride Valentine's Day Dance To Ladies.

Happy Valentine's Day to my female readers. And for a special present, I'm going to offer you this:

OK. Cut out a heart in the shape of what you think might be the size of my head. Now glue it to a broom.

OK. Now go change into something slutty and come back. I'll wait.

(you come back) Hey. Looking good. Now hit play on this Foghat song Slow Ride and follow the instructions below.



Oh Yeah! Now grab the broom and pretend it's me. MMM hmmmm. That's it - keep dancin'...there you go. Yeah. A little grinding?...oh yeah baby - don't mind if I do.

OK up against the wall? Alllll right.

(repeat until song ends then make out with the broom).

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm glad I just made it your best ever.

Valentine's Day, Crappy Cards And Uglier People.

Even as far back as 3rd grade at Mary C Howse Elementary, I remember giving the Valentine's Day cards to girls in my class based on what they looked like. And it was tough because those crappy card packs of 30 back in the 70's didn't give you much to choose from.

So for example the girls I liked got a card with a cute puppy, kitten or rabbit.

The girls I didn't like got the goofier cards like the giraffe with crossed eyes peaking his head through a second story window, "I'll put my neck out for you" or the hog eating a corn cob and rolling in mud, "It's corny but will you be my Valentine?"

I wasn't trying to be mean to the uglier people. They probably didn't even pick up on what I was doing. I guess in some way I was hoping the cute girls would pick up on it. Did everyone else do this or am I the only shallow one?

All I know, when it comes to Valentine's Day and my readers, "I Choo Choo Choose You" ......and you and you. But not you.

Chester County Blogger Helps Lovers With Valentine's Day Prep.

If a blog post is written and nobody reads it, does anyone laugh? OK. That makes no sense but here's a blog post I wrote last Valentine's Day when I only had four readers. Tell me what you think. It still cracks me up. Maybe it'll help some of you clumsy lovers to prepare for Valentine's Day 2009.

Valentine's tips are easy to find online. We thought we'd ask THAT BLUE YAK'S fork lift operator Ernie Melson to share some of his wisdom with us this February 14th. Here are the tips he scribbled on a bag while "pinchin' one off". (By the way we call him Vic because he looks like Vic Taybak)

OK, here we go wid a couple doos and don'ts:

1) Treat your dame like a lady on this day.

2) Don't try to be funny on this day. Don't give your lady a card wid two black people running down the beach - no offense Earl. Unless if use is like Earl - black and all. White people - play it safe wid whites on the card. Mulatto? Use is on your own.

3) Don't get her a drill. Even if it makes complete sense that use was gonna make her the planters she's been bitchin' about using the drill.

4) Don't toss the gift to her. Hand it to her all gentleman style and such.

5) Play it safe and go with flowers. I got mine at Produce Junction in Exton as seen in the poloroid above. $10. Can't beat that except when I had to buy them last because I asked her if her jeans shrunk, theys was only $6.

6) If she's goin to Exton anyways, don't make the mistake of saying, "hey, pick yourself up some roses at Produce Junction" no matter how much it makes sense to you.

7) Don't make the mistake and walk over to the Dollar Store and put $20 worth of things in a bag for her as another gift. And it don't matter your effort either if you try to make it all romantic by pulling the dollar stuff out and gettin all clever like, "Our love is like a sponge and all" as you show her the sponge.

8) Call her classy at least 5 times during the day. Check off the times you do it by marking off the number of times on a piece of paper or matches or something. Remember not to let her see you marking off the number of times because then she's gonna say it doesn't count or something.

9) Say, "You smell good -what are you made of roses and flowers and junk." Look up from the T.V. when you say it.

10) Say to her, "Hold on, I'm callin' heaven because I think an angel escaped and shit." Don't try to then catch her wid a fishin' net to make it more believable especially if you're about to leave for the Red Lobster and she's already dolled up and stuff.

Follow these tips and you'll probably be able to be gettin' it on later wid out liftin' a meat hook on her.

Valentine's Day Tips From Humble Chester County Fork Lift Operator

Valentine's tips are easy to find online. We thought we'd ask THAT BLUE YAK'S fork lift operator Ernie Melson to share some of his wisdom with us this February 14th. Here are the tips he scribbled on a bag while "pinchin' one off". (By the way we call him Vic because he looks like Vic Taybak)

OK, here we go wid a couple doos and don'ts:

1) Treat your dame like a lady on this day.

2) Don't try to be funny on this day. Don't give your lady a card wid two black people running down the beach - no offense Earl. Unless if use is like Earl - black and all. White people - play it safe wid whites on the card. Mulatto? Use is on your own.

3) Don't get her a drill. Even if it makes complete sense that use was gonna make her the planters she's been bitchin' about using the drill.

4) Don't toss the gift to her. Hand it to her all gentleman style and such.

5) Play it safe and go with flowers. I got mine at Produce Junction in Exton as seen in the poloroid above. $10. Can't beat that except when I had to buy them last because I asked her if her jeans shrunk, theys was only $6.

6) If she's goin to Exton anyways, don't make the mistake of saying, "hey, pick yourself up some roses at Produce Junction" no matter how much it makes sense to you.

7) Don't make the mistake and walk over to the Dollar Store and put $20 worth of things in a bag for her as another gift. And it don't matter your effort either if you try to make it all romantic by pulling the dollar stuff out and gettin all clever like, "Our love is like a sponge and all" as you show her the sponge.

8) Call her classy at least 5 times during the day. Check off the times you do it by marking off the number of times on a piece of paper or matches or something. Remember not to let her see you marking off the number of times because then she's gonna say it doesn't count or something.

9) Say, "You smell good -what are you made of roses and flowers and junk." Look up from the T.V. when you say it.

10) Say to her, "Hold on, I'm callin' heaven because I think an angel escaped and shit." Don't try to then catch her wid a fishin' net to make it more believable especially if you're about to leave for the Red Lobster and she's already dolled up and stuff.

Follow these tips and you'll probably be able to be gettin' it on later wid out liftin' a meat hook on her.