Invention Idea For My Sexy, Sweaty Under Garments. Heat Wave.

This heat sucks.

And for some reason, my sexy black underwear seems to ride up my ass worse than the tighty whities.

And I've tried to wear boxers but they don't offer the "support"...if you know what I mean.

So what's a brother to do? I don't want to be picking my ass when I'm walking down the street so I have to do a series of half kicks and turns. It's very discreet. I'm sure nobody knows what I'm doing. They're probably like, "Hey, that dude just kicked something really small then he was going to go back to his car because he forgot something but then he probably remembered he didn't forget it".

So my invention is underwear with tiny strings attached to the crack area. The strings are then looped through your pockets and then attached to small metal buttons. When your underwear rides up your ass, you simply reach into your pocket and pull on the "coins" that will pull the fabric out of your ass.

I know. It's brilliant. Now I'll need someone to draw up a licensing contract and someone else to find me a local seamstress so I can get a prototype done.

And I need some name suggestions.

Snow In Chester County Reminds Blogger Of Funny Blog Post About Dead Dude.

Looking at the snow today reminded me of the heat. And reminded me of the heat reminded me of this one post I wrote during a recent heat wave. And THAT reminded me of how great it is when you write a post then you look at it later and it's funnier than when you wrote it.

So if you want to read something I wrote that was just cracking my ass up, click here.

Hopefully Philly Heat Wave Won't Kill Any Old People

It's July 18 and the Philly area is starting another heat wave today. And of course that means that the radio and TV will be reminding everyone to check on the elderly.

(Me holding chin, eyes looking up and the start of dream sequence music).......But I wonder if they ever found an old person a year later that had died in a heat wave because he was too cheap to splurge for a $12 box fan at Walmart. And when they showed up....it was just a human skeleton holding....get ready - here it comes...holding only a handmade paper hand fan. And on that fan was pictures of popsicles and penguins. The words "stay cool Poppy - Love Timmy" were chicken scratched onto the fan - the "L" of course was spelled backwards so they had to find a mirror to hold it up to so they could decipher it. The problem is when they try to pull the fan out of his hand, the whole hand comes off with it.

My question is this: If it were another heat wave (and understanding that Poppy was already dead) - would it be wrong to use the hand fan with creepy skeleton hand still on it to beat the heat while you looked around the house to make sure there were no other survivors (or skeletons)? Of course you wouldn't be making a mockery of the situation by dancing around and saying, "Look at me - I've got a skeleton hand -I've got a 'bone' to pick with you'" - and immature stuff like that.

While you wonder that age long riddle my ass is heading down to Sea Isle City. So looooong suckers! Oh...that reminds me I've got to pack a sweater. I likes to crank up the air.

Chester County Residents Cope With The Heat Wave

Chester County residents are coping with the June heatwave as best as they can. The following are various weather tips and coping strategies from various Chester County residents:

"Stay away from fat people. If you think they stink at normal temperatures take a whiff of a 300 pounder when it's 100 degrees.

- Larry Grear, Kennett Square

"I like to freeze giant ice cubes into the shape of hats throughout the Winter - then, during a heatwave, I strut my resourceful ass around Exton like a peacock."

- Sean Roth -Malvern

"I like to check on the old to see if they're still alive."

- Betty Polite - Downingtown

"You call this heat? This is nothing - I used to live in Florida. And don't EVEN get me started on snow in the Winter because do you know what numb-nut? Before Florida - I lived in Buffalo."

- John Poliski - Coatesville (formerly from Naples, Florida and Buffalo, New York).