Monday, January 19, 2009

Bringing Gerbils to the Vet?? What???


So I hear my wife answer the door the other day. It was someone dropping off some girl scout info for my daughter. I hear the woman say, "Sorry, I have to run, I've got the gerbil in the car. We just brought him back from the Vet."

What????

I bet in Vet school there's at least an hour discussion of do's and don'ts concerning how to handle the nonsense of someone bringing in a gerbil.

Don't - in a demeaning way say, "Does your husband know that you're wasting money on this bullshit?"

Do - after "fixing" the gerbil say, "Now when was the last time your fish have been in for a physical?"

Don't toss the gerbil into the trash and hand them directions to Pet Smart.

Do make them feel less stupid by saying, "Oh you brought a GERBIL here. I thought the nurse said you brought a FROG here. How ridiculous would that be? A frog? Not you though - you brought a gerbil. There is nothing - I repeat nothing wrong or dumb with what YOU did. Now where is the little guy? (shaking head) A frog...sorry...can't get over that one.

Don't take the gerbil into another room, spray paint a new gerbil haphazardly to match the sick gerbil, then hand the new gerbil to the owners and arrogantly say, "NEXT!"

49 comments:

Sassy Britches said...

Do they have a cheat sheet for the do's and don'ts? I'm afraid I might bust one out of the "wrong" list!

Dr Zibbs said...

Sassy - you might want to try to write them on flashcards and have your friends quiz you.

April said...

That just had me rolling. I can only imagine what a vet sees and hears.

Scope said...

Do: Make sure that they pay "ger-BILL" in cash.

Don't: Make Richard Gere jokes.

Irish Chicken Soup said...

lol.

Um....I do this.

I have pet rats and they go to the vet like anything else when they're sick or about to have babies. My oldest, Taz, used to get really bad respiratory infections so he had to take antibiotics for three weeks when he was a baby. I've never really thought of it as silly since I love them as much as I would a dog or a cat and the bill is usually a lot less, but of course rats are way cooler/smarter than a gerbil could ever DREAM of being so I'm not a weirdo. ;)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I take the hamsters to the vet.

And by "take to the vet" I mean "release into the back yard for the owls to eat and go buy a new one"

Pearl said...

OK, that made me laugh out loud...
Pearl

Belle said...

Did the Foo Fighters eat a gerbil on stage?

words words words said...

All I can think about now is whether vets have really tiny instruments for working on gerbils, hamsters and the like. Because that would be really freaking cute.

Whiskeymarie said...

I keep joking to my husband that I'm going to buy a gerbil to give the cats something to play with.

I kid, I kid. I wouldn't do that to a cute, fluffy gerbil...

...would I?

Nikki said...

I just pissed my pants...not good I am at work. Please send clean panties, I can't leave.

J. Hi said...

Mmmmm, Gerbils. Taste like chicken--tiny chickens.

SkylersDad said...

Don't mock Gerbils. Put an orange vest on them and they make terrific aide pets! Until the raptors swoop down and grab them...

Dr Zibbs said...

SkylersDad - I'm totally trying that.

Giggle Pixie said...

Why don't they just flush them like they do with fish? LOL (Obviously not a rodent fan here!!)

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

That was too freakin funny. I bet they have to learn the difference between hamsters and gerbils too. You know like dog owners who get really pissed off if you accidently call their girl dog a he??
Love the blog!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

So... I guess bringing in the Hermit Crab would fall in the category of......... Dumb? His shell is just not looking right these days. It's dull and he seems lethargic.

- Jennifer

Gwen said...

Sheesh.

Chaka said...

I have a neighbor who took a hamster to the vet and ended up with a $146 bill. As you might guess, her husband was pissed when he got home and found out.

Dr Zibbs said...

Chaka - $146???? if this happens again, please, please RECORD the conversation!

B.E. Earl said...

Gerbils are recyclable pets. Or they should be.

raf said...

Humm..after various animal loathing post..I suppose you are not a Peta's member..
...now, what's wrong with gerbils? When you live with animals you get to love them..whatever they are:dogs,gerbils,cochroaces, yaks..so you are concerned about their health..
Don't your wife bring you to the vet when you are ill?
;D

Yaya said...

Hahahahaha.


Wait....I can't laugh...we spend a few hundred on our damn TURTLE bc it had an EAR INFECTION. Me...I woulda flushed the thing....but my hubby is a bit attached to it.

sista #2 said...

Is it Girl Scout cookie time?

Screw the gerbils.

Gimme the Thin Mints please.

peace
#2

Susan said...

That's some funny shit. We still swear our gerbil's dead carcus from god knows how many years ago is still SOMEWHERE in my parents walls or pipes. I never missed that damn thing. Ever.

WillowLakeScents said...

Too funny ~ but I'm with sista#2 ~ hand over the thin mints.

Erin Alberty said...

I once was at the vet, and the receptionist interrupted my appointment to ask the doctor, "Do you neuter raccoons?"

He looked at her for about 20 seconds before saying, "No."

Jerry Penacoli said...

didn't rod stewart drink a quart full of gerbils?

Always a Bridesmaid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Always a Bridesmaid said...

Sorry. Had a typo in my last comment, and I hate typos. So I deleted it.

Anyhow, I once had to have one of my Himalayan cats' asses shaved b/c she had the runs and it was a hot mess back there. FYI, that's called a "sanitary shave" for all you long-haired cat owners. And it is just as disgusting as it sounds.

Kate said...

Jerry Penacoli and Gerbils ......... I lived in WC PA
and recall a connection between the 2.
Oh I was referred to your Blog by
Sassy who promises that I will have more followers.
I gave birth to Caffeine Court some years ago.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

ok i thought that gerbils were just an animal like rats that were live and die. no need to help live.

interesting.

Vic said...

True confession time:

My husband once "found" a one-eyed hamster (it walked up to him in the driveway while he was washing the car).
Not only did we keep it (it'll get eaten!),but I actually called the shelter to see if anyone had reported it lost....I know. It's heartening to know I was able to give city employees a good laugh in these hard times.
(I got a good laugh out of your post)

Lisa said...

I once had to take a finch to the vet's. Of course it WAS an expensive finch. And she had an egg stuck. Probably not anything a little WD-40 wouldn't have fixed but hey, I don't have my degree in that area.

Cora said...

Darn! Scope beat me to it! Oh that Richard Gere....

Cowguy said...

I had a girlfriend once that yelled "GERBIL" in the throes of passion. It concerned me enough I broke up with her.

Your blog brought that all back to me. Thanks Doc. I'm gonna take a pill.

*PinkNic* said...

Love the blog! Very funny :)

Michelle said...

Dude you are consistently funny!!! Like every post funny!!!

Gerbils suck!!!

Happy Tuesday!

Abid's Adsense Treasure Website Package said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Scope said...

Dr. Zibbs - In my professional opinion, it looks like you've gotten a case of "the SPAMS".

I don't think your association with Sass that caused this. It was most likely something you picked up at the Hooker Parade.

Lisa said...

lmao. I would have so failed this course in vet school. I wouldn't have been able to stop laughing long enough to take the test.

you're hilarious.

BeckEye said...

Richard Gere jokes taken.

So I'll just say hi.

Dr Zibbs said...

That's Scope - they added that to about 30 posts. I just put my word verification back on.

Greta said...

Maybe she had a sort-of personal attachement to the gerbil, sort of like Richard Gere did to his, you know?

Greta said...

Oh. That bit never gets old. Good times.

buffalodick said...

Designer Rats.... Either get a kid a real pet, or don't do it at all...

Falwless said...

One of the funniest posts I can recall from you. I am still laughing. I don't even know why it was so funny, it just was.

God bless you.

Dr Zibbs said...

Thanks Falw. And thanks to you too God for giving me the gift of laughter. And for the gift of not being crippled.

O.G. said...

This post was hilarious, I wish there were more do's and don'ts