So when I saw my friend "The Child" over Christmas I made him tell me one of my favorite stories about being a middle school teacher. And it goes something like this:
The Child: Some of my students are so fucking stupid you wouldn't even believe it. So we have someone from the board of health in and she's talking about pubic crabs. And she has a picture of it on the overhead projector.
Me: Uh huh ...
The Child: ..and remember now, the screen is about five feet by five feet. So the lady is talking about the how you get crabs and all and my dumbest student raises her hand...ooooh....oooooh!
Me: Uh huh...
The Child:...And do you know what her question is?
The Child: IS THAT ACTUAL SIZE?
I swear I love that story more every time I hear it. The visual of someone having crabs - a crab - the size of a Saint Bernard is the funniest thing in the world to me. Is there a way to hide that you have a crab? Do you have to wear super large pants to hide it or is it easier to just cover it with a huge garbage bag or bed sheet?
(Hitting imaginary kid on the side of the head) Stupid!