Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Most Annoying Sound In The World Is.....



There aren't many things that strangers can do put me into kill mode. But the other week when I was at the library, I heard the most annoying sound known to humans. That noise is a woman sucking and rattling a God damned Halls Cough Drop around in her mouth while breathing loudly through her mouth like Lisa Loopner. And she switches the Halls from side to side and sucks on it every few seconds so she can swallow it's healing juices!

There aren't many things that bother me to the point that makes me want to smash the person in the face!

Why Oh Mighty and Powerful Jesus do you not give me the strength to grab this woman by the ears and tell her she's got 3 seconds to get out of my sight? Do I need to call on Beelzebub to give me the strength and guidance? You know that a few years ago when a car picked me up at 5 in the morning for the airport there was an old lady in the car doing the same thing with a Halls. For the entire trip to the Philly Airport. Remember that time?? Are you testing me Mr. Jesus?

How does a grown woman not know she's making a huge racket like this? Does she not see I keep looking at her to give her the signal to stop? That's it. Just reliving it is making me so mad that I need to go find someone to punch!

"HEY YOU...COME HERE! YEAH YOU!..STOP RUNNING!"

*One time in college I was in a class and I was picking my fingernail - I swear it was barely audible - and this chick next to me with all her rage said, "WILL. YOU. PLEASE . STOP. DOING. THAT!?" Frickin' psycho but I wish I had her courage. Instead - I am like the Cowardly Lion before receiving his fancy courage degree from the Wizard.

34 comments:

Medio Pomelo said...

Sucking halls is a very very annoying sound BUT PICKING FINGERNAILS IS 500 MILLION TIMES WORSE! :-)So just don't. do. that. ever. again.
Funny post! :))

Chemgeek said...

I hate cough drops too.

Chris said...

I hate making out with people who just ate a Hall's cough drop.

You don't want a hummer from one either.

buffalodick said...

Sounds better than my wife crunching them... sounds like a cement mixer missing a tooth or two on the drive gear..

Kez said...

Ugh. Annoying. But I hate throat clearers more.

CrotchPains said...

I don't think she should be sucking balls in the library or any other public place. Has she no decency? There is a time and place for sucking balls--but the library is just way inappropriate. If I were you , I'da said something.....wait....what? Oh, never mind.....

Sass said...

Oh, I hate that sound. When any type of cough drop or hard candy hits a person's tooth.

Ugh.

That, and when people scrape the bottom of a plastic yogurt container.

Ooh, and when they say, "piece of fruit."

Yeah

Wilwarin said...

Mabe she thought you were checking her out cos you kept looking at her meaningfully. It probably made her nervous and so she sucked harder. lol, that means it is technically your fault and I'm surprised she didn't yell at you!

Scope said...

Was it the same woman?

Is she stalking you?

Maybe it's part of Bizarro's evil plan to destroy you? Have random people do annoying thing near you until you SNAP!

No, it's probably the same selfish sense of "me first" entitlement that also empowers these socio-paths to talk on the phone in a public bathroom.

Gwen said...

I hate it when people absentmindedly click a ball-point pen. It makes me want to jam the pen in their ear using their own hand.

Bizarro said...

Almost, Scopes, almost.

I actually have sent some of my people to lurk near him while making a racket with LUDENS cough drops (you know, those life savers that masquerade as cough drops).

While I'm here let me me say this: these periods that some of you people like to use after each word in a sentence for emphasis and to suggest a pause (e.g. "WILL. YOU. PLEASE. STOP.") needs to end. It's just flat out wrong and makes you appear stupid. Try ellipses (i.e. "...") next time and join the ranks of the educated.

Dr Zibbs said...

Bizarro - just so you know, I know who you are. The cat is out of the "get me that" bag.

Morgan the Muse said...

I hate when people chomp their gum too loud. Or you know, chomp it at all. Like a freaking cow.

diane said...

The most annoying noise has nothing to do with food, unless it happens in a grocery store. It's a parent being ignorant with their child. It makes me want to smack them; the parent, not the kid.

J. Hi said...

Ugh! You're a nail picker too?! My husband does that and it makes me want to kill him until he is dead from it.

Dr Zibbs said...

J.Hi. - I said I did it in college that one time. Where did I say, "I'm a nail picker?" Hmmm? Hmmm?

Cora said...

Well, jeez, Zibbs - some women just like sucking on things, okay? Got a problem with that?

Queen Goob said...

A shame it was a Halls whe was mowin' on, huh?

Jaded Jill said...

i hear ya - annoying!

Greta said...

Lol. It's obvious to me. You're spending WAY too much time at the library. Try the local tavern on the other corner.

raf said...

Oh c'mon..you didn't get the message? They were showing off how good sucker they were..and if you looked at them they were waiting for you to make the first move...

Lisa said...

If someone were sitting beside me picking their finger nail I'd slap the living sh*t out of them.

Giggle Pixie said...

Same woman?

I smell a conspiracy.

Dr Zibbs said...

Giggle Pixie - different woman.

Nej said...

Both my hubby and his cat have the picking fingernail/claw disease.

Halls don't bother me so much, but there's a guy here at work that slurps his coffee. It's enough to make me want to ring his neck. Every morning.

I've tried slurping my tasty beverage while talking to him...but it doesn't seem to bother him.

Just wait, you'll read about me in the paper soon. "Local woman murders man for slurping coffee. In a related story, a woman was murdered for sucking and clicking a halls cough drop. Details at 11:00."

Amy Kate said...

At my old office, there was a tool that sat in my row of cubicles, who clipped his nails. All the time. There is no way his nails had grown enough from Monday's clipping that they needed to be clipped again on Wednesday. No way. No effing way. And yet he did it. All.the.time.
I thought it just bugged me, but then a friend who sat on the other side of his tall cubicle wall mentioned it, and instead of being mature and saying something to him, or to our boss, or something normal like that, I went into his drawer when he was out of the office and swiped the clippers.
He came back to the office and clipped. HE HAD SPARE CLIPPERS IN HIS WORK BAG. What the eff?
And from that point on he locked his drawers when he was out of the office.
That, my friend, is the worst sound.
clip
clip
clip

Autumn Joy said...

I hate the sound of someone opening candy or cough drops. It seems to take them FOREVER to get that tiny thing out of it's package but yeah then when they are loud while eating it or what not, UGH!
Ooo next time you could try telling her that you heard cough drops have 100 calories and 200 grams of sugar per drop (most women I know would spit that think out in a nano second!)

URBAN BLONDE said...

Obviously your bionic hearing is proving to be a curse rather than a blessing.

LegalMist said...

My word, but you people are awfully hypersensitive!!

I admit I don't love hearing other people's random clicky or crunchy type noises, whether it's pens, cough drops, coins, fingernails, or whatever. But I've learned to just "tune it out" / ignore it and focus on what I'm doing.

We live in this world with other people. They are going to do annoying things sometimes. It's just not worth getting all worked up about.

In other words:

Holy cow! Get over it, people!!!

Dr Zibbs said...

Urban Blond -you are correct. Bionic hearing is indeed a curse.

Miss Alex said...

BAHAHAHAH... HAAAHAHAHA

I LOATHE the glug glug glug noise people make when they are drinking....

and when people bite into apples and suck the juice I want to strangle someone then beat them in the face with the apple till there's only apple sauce and pulp and blood ...

yes it bothers me this much... hahahahhahha

Anonymous said...

I reallly really really really really hate it when people slurp! OH MY GOD. it is so annoying. like seriously, you dont have to suck it off the spoon! put the spoon in your mouth and shut your mouth and pull the spoon out! my god. hahaha. the cough drop thing is annoying too but i eat cough drops all the time. im not like a freaking cow when i eat them though. lol

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Miss Alex. Usually I don't get irritated very quickly, but I just CAN'T stand the noise of people eating an apple. I don't know how, but they manage to eat them SO loud you can hear it across a noisy room full of people. And then the sucking of the juice.. Argh the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up as we speak. And I work with a woman who eats them ALL DAY LONG. Please save me.

Anonymous said...

I liked it but... can you check your English ? :p