Thursday, March 26, 2009

Catholic Church Confirmation And Random Thoughts From Chester County.



So I was in church last night in Chester County for my daughter's confirmation here in Chester County. I was a bit late and it was so packed that I had to stand at the back of the church. Note that I never go to church anymore but went every week of my life when I was forced to.

- When I arrived the video guy turned the camera toward me. It could have been my natural charisma and the light that was beaming on me as I stood framed in the doorway or that he thought Jesus finally returned. Or maybe he was focused on the holy water that was boiling next to me.

- I forgot how many MILFs go to church. And many straight from work and in their business suits. One of my favorite looks.

- Some lady was standing right behind me and singing way, way too loud. Totally trying to get attention. So to get back at her, I kept shifting my body so she couldn't see.

- The composer that turns prayers into songs should be fired. After a good old fashioned stoning.

- I was in a punch drunk mood and was trying not to laugh at several things including a 12 year old kid that walked down the aisle wearing his Dad's over sized shirt that was untucked and down to his knees. And at a little kid that was brought outside and he was making farting noises.

- One of the kids, as a confirmation sponsor had a nun. Show off.

- After the ceremony people flocked around the bishop. One lady went up and kissed him on the cheek. Are you kidding me?

- I pondered for at least 20 minutes how easily America let the Catholic Church off the hook for child abuse and pedophilia. Shouldn't more people have gone to jail?

What are your random thoughts about the Catholic Church?

61 comments:

Sass said...

First of all...I'd love to go sit in a crowded church with you. I think that would just be hilarious.

...and afterwards we could fulfill my fantasy of....oh, sorry.

Where was I?

I'm proud of you for blocking the loud singer. They suck.

And the girl with the nun for the sponsor? She's extra confirmed now. Like, triple. So, yeah, she could pretty much do whatever she wants and God will just look the other way.

And yes...more people should have gone to jail. 'Nuff said.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

That is so funny-Monday's post was about my observations in church-something I haven't done in a long time also.

http://candysdailydandy.blogspot.com/2009/03/be-quiet-enough-to-hear-gods-whisper.html

must be something in the air...

Michele Renee said...

I married a man who was raised Catholic....which means he doesn't go to church as an adult. Before I met him I went with a boyfriend occasionally. It struck me as so odd when everyone repeated back to the priest, "And also with you", etc. with no thought, just like robots. Anyway, I ask my husband questions but he has a bad memory. If I ask my MIL I would be in a 3-hour conversation (she goes every day of her life. And yeah, not enuf jail.

Dr Zibbs said...

Sass - you want to do it on the alter with me? Is that it?

Sass said...

Zibbs...There is no altar involved.

The Jules said...

Give the pope a bit of credit. He went to Africa to try and convert the Angolans away from their ignorant, primiitve rituals of magic, spirits and ghosts, and towards the sophisticated, evidence-based forward-looking faith of catholicism.

Er . . . hang on.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

My thoughts on the Catholic Church: Never take sex advice from an abstinent virgin.

That is all.

moooooog35 said...

I hat going to mass.

Stand up...sit down...kneel...stand up...kneel...sit...kneel...stand...

JESUS CHRIST will you pick a fucking position and stick with it!!

Great.

Now I sound like an altar boy.

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm warming to you pal. The way you shifted about in front of that loud-mouthed lady warmed my soul.

I've only been to a few Catholic services so don't have much to say on that...

...but I love it when little kids make farting sounds...are you just saying that, was it you making the farting sounds and now shifting the blame?

Jeannie said...

I don't think you really want to know what I think of the Catholic Church and it's power trip. I'm amazed people continue to let them get away with what they do in this day and age and continue to support them. I don't have a problem with ordinary Catholics at all but I've told my kids to be aware that I won't be pleased if they allow my grandchildren to be sucked into the church.

diane said...

Moooooo35's comment totally cracked me up.
Did anyone know that the Vatican has an authentic Egyptian obelisk right in the center of it? I randomly googled "vatican pentagram" to see what would come up. Jeez, this whole connection between some major capitals, like Washington, came up. No wonder Catholicism has troubles.
Oh yeah, not enough jailtime.

Rachel said...

My first thought was going to be that upon learning of your catholicism, I'd no longer be able to follow your blog. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. What a relief!

Gilligan said...

I got no beef with the Catholic church, nor the Muslim, Jewish, or Protestants... it's all about love, baby.

..except for the Jehova's Witnesses - I hate them.

Samsmama said...

Years ago, while briefly engaged, my fiance and I met with the priest at my childhood church about marrying us. He ultimately refused to, since we admitted to living together before marriage.

About 5 years later I read in the paper that he was going to prison for some wrong behavior with an alter boy.

Living in sin didn't seem quite that bad anymore.

Son of a Thomas said...

I forget which prayer it is, but it ends with "Forever and ever." That always bothered me. Like forever isn't long enough or just in case forever runs out.

a striver for sanity said...

Just think, next time you see your daughter wearing a white dress in church, you will be walking her down the aisle!

Wings said...

MY thoughts on the Catholic Church?

ME NO LIKEY!!!

Some Guy said...

For my thoughts on the catholic church, please consult the comedy of Bill Hicks. For example, the Pope rides around in a Pope-mobile behind 2" of bulletproof glass. Now THERE'S faith in action!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

"I forgot how many MILFs go to church. And many straight from work and in their business suits. One of my favorite looks."

A-freaking-men. Incidentally, this is also a benefit of having your kids go to a Catholic school.

Nikki said...

I'm Catholic and I don't think enough jail time was doled out HOWEVER the Catholic CHURCH is made up of people just like me. Don't hate us all because of a few, well maybe a little more than a few bad apples.

Also, why do people sing so loud in church?

Soda and Candy said...

I'm interested to know, if you don't believe in it, why did you get your kid confirmed?

SkylersDad said...

I am a recovering Catholic. Broke my mom's heart when I told her that I didn't want to be confirmed. I was even an alter boy, witnessed up close all the hypocrisy and never looked back.

J. Hi said...

I think Catholics are way too long winded. I grew up Baptist--start at 11, sing some great hymns, throw a couple of Amens at the sermon and out by 12 to go home and have a big Sunday lunch.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

My husband and I are both converts, and both did that before we got married. All I can say is, any church you attend is made up of people. And sometimes people suck.

Megan said...

My post today is way cooler than this.

My confirmation sucked. The bishop said my name wrong. The guy who picked "Jesus" as his confirmation name got a huge laugh. I tripped stepping off the altar. Nobody gave me any cash or gifts, like I got at First Communion and just when did that practice stop, hm?

B.E. Earl said...

I grew up Catholic, but lost the faith years ago. Through my family, though, I have known quite a few priests and they were all good eggs. Not a kid toucher in the bunch.

I live about 500 feet from a Catholic church, and I actually had a conversation with the pastor just this morning. I was walking by and he was outside and I knew that he grew up with an uncle of mine so we chatted briefly. As I departed he said "I hope to see you at Mass." He can hope, but he won't.

WendyB said...

I don't think I could top any of these thoughts. MILFs! Who knew?

Dr Zibbs said...

Moooog - Dots a good von!

Nikki - the reason my daughter was confirmed was because you have to choose your battles.

Soda and Candy said...

Zibbs, I think you were replying to me, not Nikki. I think I understand.

sista #2 said...

We attended 9 a.m. Sunday mass at Mickey D's. Good times.

As an adult, I received a call from the parish priest stating that I owed 80.00 on the 3 girls tuition. If I did not pay the said 80.00 by that Friday, my punishment was to withhold my daughters report cards from that year.

I told the priest to shove the 80.00 up his fucking ass and pulled them all out of Catholic School. Only time I went back into a church was for my mother's(blessing myself) funeral.

You had to ask this question, didn't you?

Now get naked with me and play pokeno.

peace
#2

words words words said...

When I am in church I play little games like this, too. I need to amuse myself.

As far as the whole church thing, I could write for days. But basically, it makes me sad and a little irritated when the fallibility of man is used as an argument against God.

Dr Zibbs said...

Soda - sorry about that.

Sista - you need to write a post about that!

WWW - would love to hear your argument FOR God. I haven't heard one that has convinced me.

Evil Genius said...

I'm Catholic. I like being Catholic. I still go to church every week. Being Catholic is something Red and I have in common, which is nice. I was an altar boy and nothing ever bad happened to me. I have known a lot of priests who are genuinely nice guys and a few who are...well not. (The assholes seem to be in the minority from my experience.) But they are people, and if they do bad things they should be punished like everyone else. God can forgive them, but the criminal justice system should not.

Sorry, I have nothing funny here. I am OK with poking fun at the Church. It has just been a rough day and I don't have any good material in me.

words words words said...

Zibbs: Well, you can't argue for God. It's faith. But it bugs me when religious people are held to superhuman standards because of what they believe. "Well, he did a horrible thing, his God must not exist." People like to punish aspiration. If you advocate something in this world, you better be able to live it 100% or they will skin you alive and dance on your grave for daring to be "better". If someone who advocates condom use gets drunk and knocks someone up, does that mean his words are worthless and condoms aren't a good idea? Of course not. Same thing.

Dr Zibbs said...

WWW - I hear you. All religious people, just like non religious people have a right to make mistakes.

What bothers me is the most is that an organization that is supposed to be about love, like a church, should be held to higher standards than a business when it comes to issues like this.

The number of sex offenders that were shuffled around to other churches for years is ridiculous. Many people should have gone to jail for this.

And not to change the subject but all churches should be taxed.

LiLu said...

"- I forgot how many MILFs go to church. And many straight from work and in their business suits. One of my favorite looks."

Extra large shoulder pads, I hope.

Coolred38 said...

I thought I was the only one that could make holy water boil...we must be related...lol....blood tells and all that.

God I love to shuffle back and forth and force people to move to accomodate my selfishness...makes me feel important and no doubt they will be remembering me later on while complaining to family etc...ah the legend lives on.

Coolred38 said...

forgot to add...I have been called that "damn redhead down front" so many times...Im starting to think I should start a fan club...lol.

Prunella Jones said...

I dislike all religions equally.

Greta said...

Do they still make kids pick a saint's name as their confirmation name? I picked Zita. Cuz it is such a cool name.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I stopped going to church (at age 18) after I found out that our priest had a sexual relationship with a woman our family knew. She was 20, but still. I think priests should be allowed to marry. It's a stupid-@$$ rule.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Re: Gilligan's comment - I dated a JW for 2 years. He was one of the best men I've ever known. We talked about marriage but he wanted me to become a JW and that wasn't going to happen. I believe in God but not religion (in any form).

Andrew Rodriguez said...

Good post Doctor Z, I predict this will be your most commented one. When I joined the Army, and they said that on Sunday we could either go to Church or sleep in, guess what I did...Never went back. God I love sleep, God I love choice!

Despite a lot of negative experiences with the whole Catholic thing, I find myself defending the Catholics for their capacity to do good, so I can't bring myself to saying I'm an ex-Catholic, I'm just a Catholic, which almost by definition implies that I don't go to Church. Doesn't it?

Chaka said...

I have no beef against the Catholic church. There were definitely some leaders who should have been severely punished for the horrible things they did, but I believe that most Catholics are good people (just like most congregations of any Church). I try to focus on the good that comes from each religion.

Michelle said...

I have no random thoughts about the catholic church. AT ALL!!

It's like never in my head at all. I guess I am Jewish so that may be part of it.

The other part is it creeps me out when they all start praying all together and asking to be saved and all that. SCARY!!!

Fragrant Liar said...

You're a funny guy. I am what my father called (when we were little) "jack Catholic." I was baptized back in 55, but I've hardly been to church since I was married to a devout Long Islander back in the 80s, and before that, not since I was a kid. I'm much, much older now. But I'm writing a novel and my main character is a devout Catholic, so I glommed onto your site for insight. I think you'll be a great source, so thanks in advance. :)

Gwen said...

The singing lady posted this on her blog today, "And there was this jackass asshole in front of me, blocking my view of Timmy, so I sang even louder."

Kimmie said...

Have you seen Religulous? Just sayin.

Phat Mama said...

I feel bad for the bride during catholic weddings. All that kneeling. She needs to save her knees for later.

Falwless said...

I was born and raised Catholic. Carted to daily mass when I was in grade school and weekly mass thereafter. I went to twelve years of Catholic school and was confirmed. Then I ran like hell and never looked back. In my opinion it is an ancient religion run by a completely out of touch "crystal palace monarchy" whose edicts show a discerning lack of willingness to change with the progress of humankind. To each his own, it's been said. To me? No thanks.

Dr Zibbs said...

Fragrant Liar - Welcome to TBY.

Phat Mommma - good point.

Fawlless - "Crystal Palace Monarchy"? I like the sound of that. Please start calling my blog that.

diane said...

Hey, you've got Fragrant Liar on your page! Her writing is really well done, but I can never tell her because she's got that weird verification process that I can never figure out. If by chance, you can get a comment through, could you tell her that I read her every day? Thanks, you're a real pal.

Cora said...

MILFs in church! That slayed me, Zibbs!

phd in yogurtry said...

Always, always the ladies who sing too loud.

I was born & raised Catholic. Left it behind, after giving the college try in grad school.

I am unbelievably disappointed in the millions of catholics who continue to blindly attend and not ask more questions about the sexual abuse. But worse, the Bishops who re-assigned priests, the hush-money, the continued denial about recruiting men willing to agree to life without sex (read, without adult women sex).

WTF?

Fancy Schmancy said...

I had to do a full mass yesterday for a funeral. The priest was Indian (dot not feather) and we couldn't understand a damn word he said. Then, every time he lead us in prayer the lady in front of us would put her arms out in front of her, palms up (like, OOOHHHMMMM). My sister and I were trying not giggle in between tears.

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Peggy said...

You know, I'm not even gonna read the comments on this one (again, I'm behind) but I just have to say...I laughed the hardest I've laughed today at this one...you are such an asshole...in a good way!!!

ps - enjoy your hangover tomorrow suckah!

Dr Zibbs said...

Peggy - and asshole? Please clarify.

Dr Zibbs said...

Peggy - and which part did you laugh at?

Peggy said...

I said asshole with endearment! Like my brothers are teasingly assholes. No offense!

"Some lady was standing right behind me and singing way, way too loud. Totally trying to get attention. So to get back at her, I kept shifting my body so she couldn't see." <---asshole Hahahaha!

and I laughed out loud through most of it...but this one got me good...

"One of the kids, as a confirmation sponsor had a nun. Show off."

Zibbs, you know you are my world. Actually, you're everybody's world..."as I stood framed in the doorway or that he thought Jesus finally returned."

Dr Zibbs said...

Peggy - thanks for the clarification. I like to hear the specifics of what people like because it helps to inflate my huge ego.