Philly Art Museum. Does Anyone REALLY Like Modern Art? Moulin Rouge.

Behold. Another picture I took at the Philly Art Museum the other day. Now the artist's name escapes me. You know who it is. That one guy? And he painted in Philly? Also did the painting of the guys rowing? Painted in the late 1800's? Damn! I know I'll remember his name as soon as I'm done writing this.

Anyways, the painting above is one of his. If you're like me, it's pretty overwhelming when you're walking through an art museum. Looking at all the unbelievable art. Thinking of the time in history that each piece was created. Knowing that there's no way I could ever begin to create something as great*.

And then you come across this.....

They have a few rooms filled with modern art like the one above. Does anyone else think modern art is BS? And I know the whole explanation that you need to interpret the splatters of paint on a Jackson Pollock painting to fully appreciate it but I still think it's BS.

If you can hand 10 kids or monkeys a paint brush and tell them to create art then mix a Jackson Pollack piece into the mix I guarantee you that 999 out of 1000 people wouldn't be able to tell you the difference. And the people who claim that they like it are full of s#%t!

Am I right? Am I?

OK. Two more painting for you....

Here's a painting I took of people dancing at the Moulin Rouge. Check out my man and his pose. Big sissy if you ask me.Trying to be all fancy. High society bitch ass! If I were there I would totally walk over, bump into him and say, "Do you mind if I dance wif your date?" The only thing you would hear would be the knocking of his knees. (And good thing the French chick is wearing long sleeves. Keeping her hairy pits at bay).

And I know this photo is dark but I took it because it reminds me of someone. Did you guess Gabe Kaplan? Or at least Gabe Kaplan's sad Uncle? "Horseshack sit down. Oh never mind." *slumps down in chair and looks out window*

*Other than this blog of course. But I'm just talking about art here.

Bus Stop Buddy From My Fox Philly Brings Shame On Region. Jen Fred.

If you live in Philly you might be familiar with the cartoon guy below. He's from "Good Morning Philly." Or "My Fox Philly." Something like that. I refuse to take the three seconds to get it straight.

His name is Bus Stop Buddy. And when they do the weather they dress him in a way so kids know how to dress. Innocent enough right?

But they couldn't stop there. Nope. Someone had the bright idea to make a cheesy ass Bus Stop Buddy costume and parade him around the Philly area. In non weather segments. It makes no sense why he's there. I'm sure the cartoon designer never thought ahead to the possibility of the cartoon being a mascot because it just doesn't work. Look at the horrifying results:

They put him on a boat with the always annoying Jen Fred*. (I think that's her name). And it was 100 degrees. Not too safe if you ask me. Is this the most disturbing thing you've ever seen? Well hold your horses...

This one is even better. Look how a slightly different shot makes him look like a serial killer. That's right Bus Stop Buddy. You heard me. And you know the dude was sweating his ass off in there.

Watching this I just kept thinking, "Please fall in the water. PLEASE fall in the water." The head turned completely around as the person inside struggled to tread water....Camera shaking...announcer in studio: "Oh my. It looks like we've got a situation...OK listen we're going to take a quick break here and make sure someone takes care of Bus Stop Buddy and we'll be be right back. He's gonna be OK."

Then just off off microphone we hear the producer yelling, "I KNEW he should have been wearing a safety jacket! GOD DAMN IT!"

*Side note to Fox Philly producer: Did you ever call Jen Fred in a room and when the door shut you dragged you fingernails down a chalkboard? Then you said, "Jen. That is how viewers see you. This is the last time we'll have this discussion. Tone it down. Are we clear?"

Philly Art Museum. Bathing Beauties. UNBELIEVABLE!

I went to the Philly Art Museum on Saturday morn to get my culture on. 

And boy did I. And guess what they have there? 

You're going to think this is a joke but it's not. On the wall. In plain view for the world to see.......

ARE PICTURES OF NAKED GIRLS!!!!!.......

 AND YOU CAN SEE THEIR BOOBIES AND EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Thank God I Didn't Go On "Dancin' On Air." Kelly Ripa. Philly.

Freshman year of college I was dating this chick Ellen and she had a bunch of annoying friends that she lived with in the all girl's dorm. (Who the hell lives in the all girl's dorm?)

Anyways, a bunch of them were going to go to Philly to be on the TV show "Dancin' on Air"*. And I ALMOST went. I forget why I didn't go but THANK GOD! If me dancing on a cheesy ass TV show from the 80's ended up on Youtube I would probably have to kill myself. With my tight jeans and big ass hair...Could you imagine??

But of course my life would have been different because I probably would have met and married Kelly Ripa (see picture above).

And speaking of things that I almost did (cringe category) but didn't  - here's another one... I was in 11th grade and my sister's boyfriend and her were going to a party. Or maybe it was at a bar. I forget. Anyways, I was a huge Doors fan (now I can't even listen to them) and he said, "I can talk to the band and see if you can sing a Doors song if you want"

I was like, "Yeah OK!"

So we go to the party and the plan was that I was going to sing Roadhouse Blues. Well turns out they "couldn't fit me in" or "there's no way in hell we want some kid we don't even know singing a song". But either way thank God because it would have been a disaster! I've never sung with a band, I'm a terrible singer and I'm sure 10 seconds into it people would have been looking at me like, "What the hell is this train wreck?" And I would have turned into a deer in headlights. I really think I would have stopped halfway through and  just walked off the stage.

Phew!! That was a close one!

Oh and here's Kelly Ripa now. I wonder what our kids would have looked like? But if we did end up together I'd have to tell her to tone it down a bit because she's way too chatty.

*They were going because "Michael" knew someone that could get everyone on. Michael was this flaming gay dude that wasn't out of the closet yet. And he was a complete a-hole. His only friends were a bunch of the girls from  the girl's dorm and he was a gossipy little shit. And all of the girls would say, "I can't believe Michael doesn't have a girlfriend. He's so great!" Uh...yeah I know why. He likes dudes.

Question About Springsteen Song Sandy. Spectrum. 1975.

I was listening to "Sandy" by Bruce Springsteen on my Ipod the other day. Man does he set a mood and paint a picture in this song! Here's a live version from 1975. I only saw him once in concert. At the Spectrum in Philly in probably 1980 or 1981. Probably in my top 5 favorite concerts ever.

Not sure why Bruce is wearing that big ass wool cap at a concert though.

Now I wish I was at the shore. Snuggling up with a lady fwend.

And what does he mean that "the cops finally arrested Madame Maria for telling fortunes better than they do?" Can anyone explain? I don't understand. Why did she get busted?

Enjoy:

Grapefruit Prank Phone Call I Did. Philly Sheraton Hotel.

Man I wish I had recorded some of my classic prank phone calls that I used to make with friends back in the day. I'd be rich I tells ya!

My friends and I would gather around a table and put the phone on speaker and go to town. Here's one call I made at 3:30 in the morning to a hotel in Philly...

Hotel Desk: Sheraton Philadelphia may I help you?

Me: Yes Room 212 please.

Room 212: (Groggy) Hello?

Me: (Super cheerful) Hello there sir this is the front desk and I just wanted to say good morning and remind you that we have a complimentary grapefruit waiting for you down here.

Room 212: (Pause) Are you kidding me? ....It's 3:30 in the morning.

Me: No sir. The grapefruits are free for all of our guests. Are you coming down?

Room 212: Why are you calling me now?

Me: Because of the grapefruit.

Phone hangs up. I dial number again and get put through to the room.

Room 212: Hello???

Me: Well I will tell you one thing. This grapefruit isn't going to eat itself. That would be impossible. Do you even LIKE grapefruit sir?

Room 212: IT'S 3:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!

Me: No better time for grapefruit. Right?

Click.

This Time That People Might Have Seen Me On The News And More! Dolls. Philly.

Yeah so I used to work at a major giftware company in Product Development. So years ago someone had the idea to get into the doll business. So they made me go to a small show off of City Line Avenue (near Philly) just to scope out any trends and look for potential vendors.

No big deal. Until I was there. I'm walking around - one of the only dudes there - and someone approaches me and...

Person: You work for ZYZ Company?

Me: Yes I do.

Person: Are you getting into the doll business?

Me: Well we're just investigating it at this point....

Person: I work for Doll World Magazine. Would you mind if we took your picture? (And there's a guy standing there with a huge camera)

Here's where I go into total panic mode. I was just an assistant at the time and I'm sure my company didn't want word that we might enter the doll world (can't even believe I'm typing this) AND there's no way in hell I wanted to have my picture in a doll magazine!

I pictured someone's Grandma seeing me in the magazine then, "Mary is this that nice boy Jimmy Zibbs? He's into dolls or something.." Then word spreads like wildfire.

So I told the lady, "Uh can you catch up with me maybe a bit later? I'm looking for someone."

So I'm kind of relieved but then I'm on the lookout for them. Avoiding them. And when I thought I was out of the water I see......... ACTION NEWS!

It must have been a slow news day and the local ABC station is filming the event. Didn't help that they're located right next to where the show was.

So then I'm really shitting my pants because I picture the reporter saying...

Reporter: ...and there's ALL kinds of people at this doll show. Old women, young women, little girls..and even....MEN???? Sir? Sir? Can we have a word with you??"

Then the cameras zoom in and you see me looking like a deer in headlights. Just as I'm about to faint a hand taps my shoulder, "Are you ready for the Doll World Magazine interview?"

That's when I got the hell out of Dodge!

Krass Brothers. Philly Old School Commercial. Shanks.

Anyone from the Philly area remember the Krass Brothers commercials? Take a look. Which girl is your favorite? I bet you like the one second from the left don't you?

Come on...don't lie.

And look at when the women are talking. He's mouthing their lines.

A List of Various Food Stuff You Should Know. Oysters.

“What are Dr Zibb’s thoughts on food?” is a constant question I get when I open letters from the TBY mailbag. Well I’ve made a list for you below.

Print out the list and tape it to your fridge. Memorize it over the next few weeks in case I decide to pop in for a meal.

I’ll probably appear at your kitchen window when you’re doing the dishes. But not in a friendly way like on a sitcom. I’ll make a more memorable showing by waiting until it’s dark, and you’ll look out thinking, “Is…is there something out there?” It’ll be hard to see because of the way the lights in your kitchen make it hard to see outside. When you cautiously put your face on the window I’ll suddenly push my face and the knife I’m wielding to the window while banging on it and scream, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOUUUU!!”

Once you change your underwear, let me into your home and prepare me some of my favorite foods. Here’s the list:

Unusual food I’ve eaten: foie gras, alligator and boar.

Foods I hate: beets, brussel sprouts. But I wish I liked brussel sprouts.

Favorite Sandwiches: Roast Pork from Dinics (Philly) and Luigi and Giovanni’s (Newtown Square, PA), hot roast beef sandwich from Nick’s original roast beef (Philly and Springfield, PA), Corn Beef or Pastrami sandwich from 2nd Avenue Deli (NYC)

Some more foods I love: Gumbo, mac and cheese with lobster, Eggs Benedict, gulf shrimp but it has to be super fresh. Why is it so hard to find great shrimp anymore?

Favorite cut of meat: Rib Eye.

Foods I like but then as I’m eating it sometimes I think, “Do I really like this?”: Oysters and asparagus.

Favorite dessert: Anything with chocolate and peanut butter. Like a choc and PB pie.

Best Meal I’ve ever had: (Believe it or not it was local) Blackened Tuna with crawfish au gratin on top at the High Street Café. It was a special but I used to call after that and get it as takeout.

Foods that I wish I could find in Chester County but can’t: Great Pizza, Great Bagels.

Snacky foods I love: Cashews and feta stuffed olives. And baked brie.

Food I want to learn more about. And by learn I mean eat: Cheeses and cured meats.

Incidents That Happened At Who Concerts. Part 1.

I used to go to a lot of concerts. But it seems like at a third of the concerts I went to there was an incident.

And by incident I mean either a fight, a potential fight, someone I'm with getting completely fucked up or some weird or funny thing.

Here's one of the things that happened at one of The Who concerts I went to:

*imagine me in as an old man in a rocking chair telling the tale*

Oh it was way back in the day. Sometime in the 80's.

So the concert was in Philly at JFK stadium. The place was torn down many years ago. So it's a heat wave, The Who is playing and we're on the "floor". The seating was folding chairs.

So everyone is standing on the folding chairs and I feel something spraying on my legs. I turn around and some drunk asshole is peeing on my chair and some of the spray was hitting my leg. With Hulk-like rage I just say, "What the fuck?"...

And I push him so hard that he's thrown back into a row of folding chairs.

He's lying on the ground. His dick is still out and he's peeing on himself.

The security were on him in 10 seconds and threw his ass out.

The end.

And here's a little Who in case you want to play it and pretend you were there.

Philly Spectrum Around 1980. The Kinks Apeman.

Here's a group I saw back in the day in Philly at the Spectrum. The Kinks. It was probably 1980 or 1981. This is the song Apeman.

At 28 seconds in they show the profile of a person in an Ape mask. At first I was all, "Is that a real person?" Then I realized it was a mask.

Soul Train, Racists, Philly and Dancing To Gladys Knight.

Hello racists. Well, I shouldn't say that. Yet. The only racists are the people that don't leave a comment about these snazzy Soul Train dancers movin' it to Gladys Knight.

And I WILL be taking names of the people that don't leave a comment. I will then take the names to the worst part of Philly..uh..I mean the blackest..I'm not trying to say that the blackest is the worst, I'm just trying to say....

....OK. What I'm saying is that I'm bringing the list of non commentors to an area of Philadelphia that has a lot of black people and I'm going to show them the list with YOUR name on it. The list will say, "List of Racists".

I do hope I find an area that the black people are wearing these clothes because I'm going to join in,

(Turns off boom box. Dancing stops) "Excuse me! Black people. I'd like to dance with you. I know I'm white but let me have a go at it. Then when I'm done, I have a list of people that you might want to beat up because they don't like black people. Alright? Everyone stop staring at me and lets get down! And boogie! "

*The blacks see me dance and then I tell them that I'm going to stop at the local Big Brother office and become all of their big brothers. They then carry me off, singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" and we celebrate with a meal. NO, not chicken you racists. ...well, there might be SOME chicken there but....*

So go ahead, leave a comment. Who was your favorite dancer? What clothes do you like?



(and does anyone think that the brother at 1:22 might possibly be gay?)

Do you want to see another TBY post about soul train, click here.

Happy Birthday Philly Native Larry Fine.

If Three Stooge Larry Fine were still alive today he'd be pretty old. Because he was born in 1902.

I don't choose to do the math on TBY because if I did, you'd never really learn it now would you?

Did you know Larry Fine was a violinist and a boxer? And that his dad accidentally spilled acid on his arm? Yup. It's all right here in this Wikipedia article.

Happy Birthday Larry Fine. Wherever you are.

Larry Mendte Does Understand How Important I Am. Philly TV.

So on Twitter I just followed Larry Mendte. He's a very famous Philly market newscaster.

And I get a Twitter response saying,:

"Thank you so much for following me:) Look forward to reading what you have to say."

So I'm think, yeah right. This is automated so I write.

"OK. Is this a message you wrote and you really want to hear what I say or is this automated? I'll wait for your response. "

and then he writes back:

"Unicorn collectors ARE real babies. I do want to hear what you say :)"

And he's referring to my unicorn Twitter or blog post. Either way, I was pretty impressed. He has no idea of the fame that I have in the blog world but he decided to reach out from his media to mine. And for that, I will give him credit. I will also place him in the "FRIENDS OF THAT BLUE YAK CIRCLE" and anytime he wants to bring me to lunch? I will accept.

I officially dub him an OK dude. Good luck Mr Larry Mendte and lets stay in touch.

The Schmitter. McNally's Chestnut Hill PA Sandwich. Not Bad.

So last week I was in Chestnut Hill (PA) with some people and we ate at McNally's. There's a famous sandwich there called The Schmitter. It's actually a trademarked sandwich.

The ingredients are cheese, special sauce, grilled salami, more cheese. tomato, fried onion, steak and more cheese. The roll is a Kaiser.

To tell you the truth, it was pretty good but nothing to warrant a trademark and all the hype. Great roll. Cheese was like Velveeta.

I'm sure you're asking, "What are some of Dr Zibbs's favorite sandwiches?" Here are a few regional favorites:

- Italian Style Roast Pork (from DiNics at Reading Terminal in Philly). Long hots, sharp provolone and horseradish on top. This is my favorite sandwich on earth.

- Hand Carved Hot Roast Beef Sandwich on Kaiser. Provolone and and horseradish on top.

- Pulled Pork. Cole slaw on top. Various locations.

- Hot Pastrami Sandwich . Mmmm.

- Corn Beef Special - I've only had great ones in NYC.

I've invented a few of my own sandwiches but they're really just variations on regular sandwiches. I really should add that to one of my life goals after that cure for Lupus thing that I opened my big trap about.

So what other sandwiches should I add to my must try list?

Cheap Trick. Philly Concerts.The Spectrum. Surrender Lyrics.

Cheap Trick was my first concert. I saw them in the Summer between 8th and 9th grade at the Spectrum in Philly with my buddy Flare. I still love the song Surrender.

I was thinking about Cheap Trick because they're touring with Def Leppard and Poison this Summer. I was never a fan of Def Leppard or Poison but since it's a three bill concert, each band will only be playing their greatest hits so it might be worth seeing.

Very interesting lyrics if I do say so myself. To watch the video, click here. But you might want to read the lyrics first in case you're not familiar with them. Or treat yourself and sing along!

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch"
Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that's going round

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away

Father says, "Your mother's right, she's really up on things"
"Before we married, Mommy served in the WACS in the Philippines"
Now, I had heard the WACS recruited old maids for the war
But mommy isn't one of those, I've known her all these years

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away

Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year?
Ev'ry time I got to thinking, where'd they disappear?
When I woke up, Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling, got my Kiss records out

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away

P.S. I love how the drummer looks like an accountant.

Philly Beer Week. Beer Calendar. Chester County. This Weekend.

So March 6 - March 15 is Philly Beer Week. There are 693 events in Philly and the surrounding suburbs. I'm probably not going to be able to make it to all 693 events but I will make it to something.

If you take a look at my Amazon ads on the side bar I just put up the Joe Six Pack's Philly Beer Guide. Buy it from me and I'll get a tiny bit of the money. It's your way of saying thanks to me for writing this amazing blog. I'll also put you on the list of people I won't kick in the nuts when I meet you for being a glommer who reads my blog and doesn't pay me by buying shit. And while I'm on the subject, my blog reports are showing a slight dip on people that kiss my ass in the comments section. I don't want to have to mention this again.

And onto the subject of beer. If you ever meet me, three beers that you can buy me that I'll never turn down are Guinness, Corona (I know - boring but refreshing) and Victory Beer's Hop Devil. Write yourself a note so you remember.

And here are a few local beer links: Seen Through a Glass and West Chester Beer Consortium

What are your go-to beers?

Do Not Eat. Reading Terminal Market. Food. Philly.

Look at this picture that I snapped in front of some restaurant at the Reading Terminal Market in Philly. It shows some food and the sign says, "PLEASE DO NOT EAT THIS SAMPLE!!!"

Isn't this just asking for some wise ass - like me - to take a big ole' bite out of it or steal it and sprinkle a few crumbs on the plate? Then leave a note on the plate that said, "SORY, I KAN NOT REED".

I think it would more effective if they just put unappetizing things around the food to deter people. Like fake bugs or urinal cakes. I don't know.

Obama Train To Washington - Not Georgia

Greetings web surfer of the world wide Internet of the webs. Were you searching for Obama's train route from Philadelphia to Washington that CNN is talking about on the TV right now? Sure you were.

Hi. I'm the Internet's Dr Zibbs. You may have heard of of me. Well take a break from your road to the Whitehouse inauguration watching and check out this other train related thing: The Midnight Train To Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips.

I wish I could have those Pips follow me around for a week and just repeat everything I said like they do in this song. And I would just pretend I didn't know they were there. How great would that be? Mmmmm-hmmmm. Pretty great. To view it, click here. And if you want to see an Obama lookalike dancing on Soul Train, click here.

Popeye, Gumby and Zippo Lighters

Did you know that Popeye made it's first appearance in the comics on this day in 1929? Yup. And to tell you the truth I never really liked Popeye. I did however like the Sea Hag and Alice the Goon that were on the Popeye cartoon. In fact, that weird chin that the Sea Hag sports is one of my favorite features that some old people get. I hope I never look like that.

I do have a Popeye Zippo lighter so I guess I don't dislike it that much.

A show that reminds me of Popeye is Gumby. The reason is because when I was a kid waiting for the bus, it was either Popeye or Gumby that would be the animation that was showed during Philly's Captain Noah Show....or was it during the Captain Kangaroo Show? I forget. Anyways, here's the theme to Gumby. After making sure nobody's listening, sing along!