Small Snake Freakin' Me Out. Phobias and Bed Bug Problem.

Sssssssss!!!! Here's a picture of a snake I captured in a bucket. You may remember this bucket as the same one I use in The THAT BLUE YAK GARDEN OF HOPE. Yeah. It's the same one! I love the sound of the clanking handle.

I have no problem with big snakes. If someone had a boa constrictor or python, I would put it around my neck in a second.

There's something about these small snakes though that freak me out. They move too fast and I think they're sneaky.

Not many things freak me out or spook me but the other thing that makes me sick is something I heard on the news this morning. Do you know that there's a major problem with bed bugs? There is. So watch out.

The other thing in the yard that freaks me out is when I pick up a rock and a vole comes running out. That's when I scream like a girl.

What grosses you out or sickens you? And don't say me.

The Patty Duke Show And Song Idea For My Chester County Band.

I don't have a band. Yet. But when I do, I'd like to do a cover of The Patty Duke Show theme.

When we tour, I think it would be great to have ugly twins from each city come out and dance while the song plays. I'm talking some really freaky looking twins where you look in horror and ask, "You mean there's TWO of you??

Maybe we'll make fun of them on the big screens that they won't be able to see while they're dancing.

I'm not sure yet. I'll work out that detail after I learn how to play an instrument.

A Few Types Of Human Being That Bother Me - AKA Freaks

I'd love to say that I only look at someone's insides but damn it sometimes the outsides are so repulsive or peculiar I can't get over it. Here are a few types with specific features that I have no use for:

People that look like birds - It seems that there are more women than men. We all know what the bird person face looks like, but there's more to it. The neck is long and the shoulders are thin and sloped downward. And many seem to be very cocky in their attitudes. I'm sure there has to be a sociologist reader out there that can tell me the name of this type.

Fat dudes that think they're muscular - listen fatty, just because you're holding your arms out and wearing a shirt with a sports team on it doesn't mean you're a muscle strong man. Stop sucking in the gut and lay off the carbs.

People with nostrils that show too much inner nose - go get yourself a hand mirror. Now hold it to your side and look in your wall mirror. Jot down what you see. Now read back your notes. Does it say, "I see the inside of my dark cavernous nose. The outer portion of my nostril is at least 1/2" from the bottom of my nose." If yes, I don't like your type.

Chinless Bearded Dudes - You. With the beard and no chin. Do you think we think you have a chin under that beard? We know you don't have a chin. We know you can't change a pillowcase without using your hands. You've got no chin. Nobody's fooled. Be on your way.

People with a tooth growing above their normal teeth - You know what I'm talking about. It's the tooth emerging from the gum as if it's the only remaining portion of the twin they had in the womb. And unless I'm touring hillbilly country from the safety of a tour bus, I don't want to see it.

There you go. For now.

Worlds Most Freakiest Dude 2008 Award

Since acquiring the Memphis based "Self Esteem Club", That Blue Yak owns the rights to the World's Most Freakiest Dude Award. We're proud to announce this year's winner. Björn Ulvaeus (or is we like to call him, "Born Use-Is-Ugly"). Bjorn is one of the singers from the pop group ABBA and..well. just look at him. Imagine the photographer at that photo shoot. Jesus Christ.

Although we expect Ron Howard's Brother Clint to put up a fight when it comes time to hand over the crown, we'd like to thank him for his sportsmanship, sense of humor and large domed, beluga whale-like forehead. (and on a side note Clint, when you asked for a sip of my Pepsi at the award ceremony last year and then I just told you to keep it? - I do that to everyone...really..it has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like.). To read the hysterical Clint Howard story click here. Now enjoy Bjorn - "the dude from ABBA"

Gene Rayburn - the Nipple Guy

Here's a nice clip of Gene Rayburn accidentally slipping out the word nipple. For a neo Cro-magnum, my man is pretty darn smooth.



Expand your brain by learning about Gene's arch enemy Richard Dawson here: http://www.hogansheroesfanclub.com/castDawsonRichard.php