Remember These? Sony Walkman. Motorola Bag Phone. Palm Pilot Vx.

What the hell is that product you ask? The Sony Walkman. Yup. I had one back in the day. Pretty life changing if you ask me. And look at those crappy headphones. And carry cassette tapes around? Yeah that was fun.

Oh how far we've come in 2012.

And here's another product I had around 1992. The Motorola Bag phone. Since I was an important, young executive back in those days and had a one hour commute I bought this in case of emergencies. This is how most people started calls back then, "It's me! I'm calling from THE CAR! ....No really. I'm in my car! Making a call! To you!"

Oh and the Palm Pilot Vx. I actually loved this product. I was one of the first to get it at work. Totally space age. Except using the stylus was a pain in the ass. But look at that sleek design. I kind of wish I saved a lot of my old devices but what am I going to do? Take them out of a box every five years and look at them?

On The Subject Of Celebrities With Large Nostrils. Hairy Pitted Sophia Loren.

Phew. Showing a picture of myself in my last post took a lot out of me. Now back to the usual stuff. In this post I will now tell you about the facial feature that I'm obsessed with in a way. Large nostrils.

Not obsessed in a good way though. They always bothered me. Like if I would see someone that looked cute I might think, "Yeah she's cute but she's got large nostrils." Or "Barrels" as this dude in high school used to call them.

Here are some examples of some prominent nostrils. I like to call them "Strulls" once and a while...

OK. Rachael Welch. Super hot but huge, cavernous strulls. But man look at how she fills out that bikini.

Here's one for the ladies. Ryan Gosling. Not huge strulls but they always seem to be flared. But a really good actor in my opinion.

Dionne Warwick. Let me just put it this way: if she breaths in you better hold onto the closest thing available because you will get sucked in. After you hold onto that street sign...body waving in the wind...being sucked into the Warwick vortex.

And finally...Sophia Loren. Not a great shot of the strulls but I can't take my eyes off of those pits. Good God woman!

Anyone else I'm missing?

First Picture of Me On My Blog. Dr Zibbs.

I give you....Me.Dr Zibbs.

This the first picture I've ever posted of myself on my blog. So you better like it.

Everyone always assumed I never showed myself because I wanted to be mysterious but actually it's because I don't want people I work with, worked with or may work with to see my blog because then I'd feel weird about writing certain things. Those precious gems.

So there you go. Please feel free to  leave your nice reactions in the comments area. Hold off on mean comments though because I'm sensitive.

(And if you're going to use the picture for "special purposes" you better save it because I'll probably delete this post in a few day."

Hot Wings Potentially Switched On Me At Landmark Americana. West Chester Man Sweats Heat.

Yeah so I order the hot wings at Landmark Americana in West Chester, PA the other day. And I usually get the hot. I think the next level up is called something like "We dare you." And I think that the guy in the kitchen maybe dared the other guy in the kitchen to give me a double dose of the "we dare you."

Because I take my first bite and...JESUS CHRIST!!

They were so hot! And I like hot stuff but almost unbearable. Like each bite was torture (but delicious).

And I didn't want to look like a puss so I didn't send them back but with each bite I could feel my face turning red. Then I started sweating so much from my forehead and my eyes that a few people started looking at me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid but I think they were. And I pictured the kitchen people looking through the one way mirror at me saying, "Five dollars he doesn't take another bite....NO! HE'S DOING IT!!!! ...YOU OWE ME FIVE DOLLARS! Look at the baby cry. Take another bite baby. You want your bottle?"

And what percentage of dudes do you think order the ultimate hot stuff because they're just trying to look like a big shot? I'm talking the ultimate ridiculously hot stuff. I say 80 percent. 

Best Magazine Cover Ever! Casos Reales. Clown Busts In On Cheating Wife.

"Maria?.... Maria? Where are you me sweet little enchilada? It's your man Juggles? I'm home early from the.....HUH??????"

(I wonder what happened next?)

Some Movie Notes. Pissed Off Brother. Ezra Miller. Labia M.

Did anyone sign up for MoviePass? I did. $29.00 a month and you can see unlimited movies at the theater. And I bring my daughter to the movies twice a month so I was spending $39.80 a month anyway so now I got this working for me.

Here are a few notes:

Cloud Atlas - (Tom Hanks movie) Total piece of crap! I hated it.

Sinister (Horror movie with Ethan Hawke) I liked it. Total creepfest. Kind of a horror/thriller really.

Argo - Loved it. And they captured the 70's perfectly. Although don't read what was not true in real life until AFTER you see it.

Flight - Boooooorring. It's really a story about alcoholism. And the crash scene isn't even that good. And you can totally tell they used a smaller plane for the special effects. (NUDITY NOTE: They show full frontal of a hottie including her patch AND lips*. Which I can't remember seeing in an R movie. They showed full frontal in The Master but total hair pie city.)

The Perks of Being A Wallflower - I LOVED this movie! It's the story of a bunch of outcasts in high school in 1991. I love high school movies when they portray high school kids realistically. I think Ezra Miller is going to be a stah! And the delicious Emma Watson can be seen dressed and dancing in the Rocky Horror Susan Sarandon role. Oh yes.

Resident Evil - I didn't really pay for this one I just kind of accidentally walked in. And there were only three people in the theater. It's a science fiction movie based on a video game. And throughout the movie they would do things like, "Securing sector five" then the screen would look like a video game. About 20 minutes in this black dude got up, walked up to the front, looked at the screen and said (to the screen), "Video game BULLSHIT!!" Then walked out.

Skyfall (Bond Movie) - Pretty good but Daniel Craig is more of an action hero and less of a Bond. I'm a Sean Connery man. Clever remarks and he picks up more babes. On an added note I did have to tell some dude to shut off his phone because he was texting. He was thinking of saying something back to me but then couldn't think of anything to say. If he had taken it out again I was going to snatch it out of his hand and say, "You'll get THIS back when the movie is over." Well that was the plan.

*Labia Majora

Paula Broadwell is Hot! Pictures of Her. Petraeus. Nice Arms. Flowing Hair.

After seeing some of the women that powerful men have gotten busted with (Arnold, Clinton.....uh...Robin Williams) I've got one thing to say about CIA Director Petraeus's girl.....OHHHHHH BEEEEEEHAAAVVEEEEE!*

This story will be fascinating as it unfolds because something fishy is going on. I smell a cover up.

And there was also a text from her mentioning sex under the desk. Oh baby. Do tell Ms Broadwell. But talk slowly and in a breathy voice. Petraeus doesn't look like the flirty type though does he? I wonder how it unfolded?

Thoughts? And here's another picture of her in her finest business lady apparel.

*Hubba Hubba

I Miss Ruining People's Calendars. Damn You Technology! Sphincter Tickling.

Have you all noticed how people use less wall calendars these days. Probably because of technology. And I miss it! Because I used to love going to a friend's house or into a coworker's office, page ahead a few months and write in random appointments, "things to do" or holidays on various days. The key is to try and match the person's hand writing closely so they don't notice it right away. I would write things like:

- Fart on an old person.

- Stock up on creamed corn. DON'T FORGET COUPONS!

- Fourth of July True Observance (written on a day in November).

- Cure Cancer.

- Finish The Love Boat Musical.

- Narrow list of calendar choices down to at least 75. DON'T WAIT TILL OCTOBER THIS YEAR!!!

- (Written on a Saturday in coworker's calendar) Rent U-haul to FINALLY bring home the motherload of paper clips I've been hiding. Bring chloroform for guards.

- Tickle sphincter with the feather of a peacock (ask Uncle Hank to capture event with charcoal sketch).

I also do this when I see a person's grocery list. Give it a try. Tell me how it goes.

Remember These Terrible Sitcoms? Hello Larry. 70''s And 80's.

Here are some sitcoms that I wouldn't even spend 5 seconds to stop and make fun if I passed them on the dial. Although a few will never see the light of day so I'm safe.

Fish - Hated this show. Especially that slimy looking creep in the 33 Jersey. His mouth moved weirdly when he talked like he had marbles in there. But I did see Abe Vigoda coming out of my hotel once in LA.

Hello Larry - Different Strokes spin off. Great career move McLean Stevenson. Hmmmm stay on M.A.S.H or go on Hello Larry? Let me see.... Except Kim Richards there on the right? I used to have a crush on her. Did you know she's Paris Hilton's aunt?

Makin' It - They tried to ride the coat tails of Saturday Night Fever. And failed. And even used Travolta's sister in the cast. Nice try. But catchy gay ass theme song.

Jennifer Lived Here - Boy lives with a hot and sassy ghost. Dumb. But I had some drinks with that kid (as an adult) in a hotel bar a few years ago. He was thrilled to be recognized.

What A Country - Any show that has a 6:30 Saturday time slot is a failure in my book. Hated this show!

Gimme a Break - No YOU give me a break. Never could take more than a few minutes of this nonsense before angrily turning the channel. Why are there so man fat black ladies with attitude on sitcoms?

They're just a few random ones. There are so many more.

Who Did You Vote For? Quisp or Quaker? It's Funny Cause It's Cereal.

Who did you vote for? Quisp or Quaker?

I voted for Quisp.

Monster Baby Potenially Created? Can You Imagine?

Man (to nurse): Hello nurse my wife is here to have her baby.

Nurse (doesn't look up from desk): OK name please?

Man: My name? Clint Howard....

Nurse: And your wife's name?

Man: That would be Janis Joplin? J.O.P.L.I.N....

Nurse: OK. Joplin...now I'll just need your medical card and.....(nurse looks up at the couple)...Huh?????

*nurse gets up and runs down the hall ala' Cowardly Lion and dives out the window*

.....AND......cut!

A Salute to Sheena Parveen. NBC 10 Weather Girl.

I'd like to give a salute to Philly weather girl Sheena Parveen from NBC 10.

Look at her standing there with all of those arrows. Undulating. Pulsating. That's not easy you know.

Look at all of those numbers too. You can tell she's good!

Weather systems just bursting to escape. Wanting to explode really.

Keep up the great work. Lets do lunch!

And on a side note local stations can stop bragging that their weather people are meteorologists. As long as the person can explain the weather clearly (and look good) we don't care if somebody behind the scene is doing all of the work. That is all.

I Found The Halloween Costumes of My Youth! Collegeville Costumes.

This is the costume I wore in Kindergarten. Note how it says, "With ventilated mask." Did the early mask have no breathing holes?

And in 1st grade I went as the devil. I remember being embarrassed because the smock portion of the costume showed the devil holding a pitchfork and I remember saying to my mom, "But if the devil has hands and I have hands it means that the devil has four hands! That doesn't make sense!" So I remember holding my candy bag over my chest when I went to doors so people wouldn't see the extra hands.

Lucy The Elephant Survives Hurricane Sandy. I'm In The Butt of And Elephant!

How did you guys survive Sandy? OK over here in Chester County, PA. Actually only a few limbs around and some creek flooding as far as I saw in my parts. But the Jersey shore got hammered. I just however saw something on the news saying that Lucy the Elephant survived. There's the picture above.

In case you don't know Lucy is a historic building shaped like an elephant and it resides in Margate, NJ. I just had to laugh when they mentioned Lucy because I just think of the time when I was on vacation at the shore and I took my son there. He was about three at the time. Well you go inside of Lucy and you sit crossed legged on the floor as this ancient tour guide gives a half hour presentation about the history of Lucy. And trust me when I tell you it was without doubt the most boring tour that I've ever been on.

In a monotone voice he was saying things like, "....and then when renovations began in 1922 several members of the preservation board such as Martin T McLeary, Samuel Meller and Morris Jones pushed to have an extra $1200 allocated to refurbish the legs that some thought were weakened in a storm the previous year. Council President Harry L. Morrison - also the owner of Morrison and Flint Feed Store - was in agreement but thought $900 would suffice. So the renovation was stalled for a period of 4 months...."

And it went on and on. I looked around and everyone was just looking around the room, rubbing their hands on the floor, looking up at the roof, at their watches. Ten minutes later when you thought it was done he says, "And they finally agreed on  $1000 for the renovation. But that wasn't the end of it. In 1927...."

Just then my son let out the biggest sigh of boredom that echoed in the tiny wooden room, "hhhh ahhhhhhhh!!!"

Everyone turned around and looked at him and started laughing. They were all fighting off the same sigh. Seriously, if you're going to have a tour about something like Lucy the Elephant at least mention his sphincter window:.....

"Look at meeeeeeee! I'm in the butt of a giant elephant!"

"Timmy sit down! They're about to discuss the bidding process that was involved when they redid the steps in 1976!"

Can't Believe I Haven't Run Into My Skanky Old Hair Dresser.

It's been two years. And I still haven't run into the lady that used to cut my hair. I'm not sure why I waited so long to dump her ass. Not only did she tell the most boring stories about herself but she was super skanky. I'm talking manly face, dry hair, large moles....But she thought she was hot. She would always tell me how guys liked her. I'd be all, "Really?" While trying not to have a throw up face on.

I think a lot of women that are thin and skanky think they're hot just because they're thin. Kind of like some women with blond hair think they're hot because of the blond hair. 

And I'm not kidding her stories were the most boring I've ever heard. She would give details that didn't even matter for the story. I swear this is a real "story." See how much of it you can take....

"So I was going to go to the 76ers game but wasn't sure if Dave my husband could go or not. He usually does go but he was thinking about working late so I was like, 'Maybe I'll just ask my friend Diane.' So I called up Diane. She's really nice. She used to work with me when I was at my last job. She was like, 'I'm not sure but I think I can.' So she calls back and says she can and I was like, 'Great.' And it worked out perfectly because my son was going to stay late for basketball practice so my husband could just pick him up. So I'm getting ready and I'm really in the mood for a turkey wrap. So I'm thinking why don't we just get some wraps on the way down and that way we don't have to stop because I like to get there a little early. So I pick up Diane and I was running a bit late because I had to stop at Wawa. And there was traffic. So I get Diane and we're on the way down and my son called and his basketball practice was cancelled. Which is fine but sometimes it's hard to get a hold of my husband because he gets the worst cell phone reception."

And it goes on. And on. And on.

And there's no interesting point. It would just be the details of her plans to go to the basketball game and then driving there. And I was just sit and nod. Sometimes to amuse myself I would say things in my head silently that I wanted to say out loud like, "Guess what? I don't give a shit!" or "Wait. Tell me the part about maybe getting turkey wraps. That's so interesting! I have a friend that likes turkey wraps!

So finally I dumped her and never looked back. Now I have a super cute chick cutting my locks. AND she's really interesting.

I still don't get how people that are really boring can be blabbermouths too Don't they see the expression on the faces of everyone they talk to? So I'm saying this: If you're boring keep your pie hole shut and listen to us interesting types. Take notes.

Bridesmaid Dresses, Dumb Books and More! Batman Water Pistol.

Some various pictures for your viewing pleasure:

*talking like a ghost* "Puuuut something innnnnn meeeeeeee."

Photographer: No! You on the left. Step back one step! Do you want these pictures to look stupid or nice?

*In Paul Lynde voice*  "I'm not sure if it's more fun to fill or squirt."

Blond dude: (after 10 minute diatribe) You see...being awesome comes down to one thing. And that one thing is accepting Jesus as your personal savior. *random football hits him in the face*

"I don't know how to tell you this so I'll just come out with it. You my dear...are going to be a STAHHHH!"

Who Wants In On A Ground Floor Money Making Venture? Hair Net Related.

Imagine sitting on your yacht basking in the sun. You don't have the money? Well you will once you lend me money for my new product then I pay you back once it's a hit.

OK. So you know when you're getting a blow job and the chick's hair keeps falling in her face so you have to hold it back so you can see her? Well I gots two words for you: Hair. Net.

It's a "sexy" hair net that will keep the hair out of her eyes for your viewing pleasure. 

But I'm going to have my designers come up with a few super sexy hair net versions so it's just not a just simple lunch lady hair net. Really class it up. It's hard to explain. You're just going to have to trust me on this.

I'm going to advertise it with a kick ass infomercial too. Like the guy will be fumbling to hold her hair back. And he's getting all frustrated. And he'll try to put a scrunchy in her hair but he does it with one hand and he can't do it  - maybe pokes her in the eye like a clumsy ass oaf - and the girl gets up and says, "Forget it. It's not worth it." Then she leaves. He's left sitting there looking like a pathetic dope. What a loser. 

Maybe at the end you'll see the girl down there then the guy has two hands free to read a book. OK. Get your check books ready.

Thanks.

Wonder Sauna Hot Pants And Haters of Said Puffy Pants.

I'm thinking about wearing Wonder Sauna Hot Pants around then when people laugh and say, "What are THOSE??" I'm going to pin them against the wall and say, "You God damn son of a bitch my grandfather died in World War 2 fighting for freedom! NOW what do you have to say??!!"

Then I'll just point at them and sternly nod as I walk away. It's really the only way to do it.

Did You Know? Mr Belvedere's Nuts and Debra Winger Farting.

Here are two hysterical celebrity stories that you may not know about. Totally true. Did you know one day when they were taping that dumb show Mr Belvedere that Mr Belvedere came in wearing a track suit, proceeded to sit down and - are you ready for this?....He sat on his nuts and had to be carried out on a stretcher.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! Read the story here .

Here's the second story that's even better. When filming Terms of Endearment Debra Winger hated Shirley MacLaine so much that she once farted on her. True story as seen here .

Most of the blurbs on this don't go into detail but I'm dying to know everything. Was it a simple crop dusting? Was it planned? Somebody must know. What a pig.

Lions Share Restaurant 9th Grade Grinding Story. Drunk Hostess. Cans Pressed Into My Back.

I ran into this woman the other week and it hit me. I totally forgot about about this story.  I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSED!

Not that I was complaining about it but....

It was in 9th grade and I was a busboy at the Lions Share Restaurant. There was this hostess that was probably around 23 years old I would guess. Kind of cute but on the chubby side. Big boobs. And she was always friendly but she would occasionally sneak drinks from the bar and get bombed throughout the night.

And when she did she was alllllll hands. I remember walking back from the kitchen and it was starting to wind down so I stopped in the hostess area. I leaned over and was looking at the reservation book (young butt glistening - the woft of beef wellington, clams casino and French onion soup clinging to his tight Levis) when all of a sudden I feel these hands around my waist and it was her. Audry. And she grinds up against me and all drunk and what not says, "What are YOU doing out here?"

I stand up and I'm all "What the??" Then she pulls me in and smooshes her huge 23 year old 1979 cans into my back and leans to the side of my face and says, "So what are YOU doin'?"

Then I got all nervous, probably gulped and squeaked out, "Ummm cleaning tables?" I stood there for a minute thinking, "I can feel her boobs!" Then I kind of slipped away. She did it a few times after that then it never happened again. I forget.

Man talk about a missed opportunity. But It would be a few years until I developed my game. I didn't know what to do. And for the record she was super nutty. I think she was mental or on drugs because once on a busy Saturday night I walked out and was holding a chair and repeatedly walking into the wall with it and bouncing back as she looked at the wall in a zombie like state. I had to run to the kitchen and get the cook to come and get her.

And before you all start getting worked up with the visual of what happened it wasn't that hot. Because in 9th grade I didn't look like this:

I looked a bit more like this:

Without the glasses. Or the part in the hair. Hmmmmm....maybe I WAS hot!

To read the story I wrote about when some dude crapped his pants at the Lion Share click here.

Question About Women Bending Over to Show Cleavage. Landmark Americana. Hiring Hotties.

Sometimes I'll go into this place Landmark Americana in West Chester to get a few cold ones. And let me tell you that the waitresses are pretty cute. Mostly college girls. And they don't wear Hooters type slutty outfits but they do wear slightly low cut tops which reveal their nubileness.

And they're all very friendly mind you lest you think I'm a perv.

Here are the two questions I have:

1) When bars or restaurants hire mostly hot girls what do they tell the ugly ones when a qualified ugly one calls back and says, "Why wasn't I hired?" And they might even see that there is still a help wanted sign up and they're fully qualified.

And for the record I'm all for places hiring the good looking if that's their theme. I remember a few years back a dude was suing Hooters because they wouldn't hire him as a server. Come on buddy. Move along.

2) When women bend over to show cleavage how often are they doing that to show you the goods? I know in a restaurant as a bartender you have to do it because of your job but sometimes it just seems so blatant. Not that I'm complaining. And bending over to show their ass. I want an answer for that one too.

On a side note I used to work with this one chick and she used to come to my desk and bend over all the time. I think she wanted it. By "It" I mean *puts hands in pockets but leaves index finger out and makes flashing hand motion to groinage.*

So what do you think?

(And that picture above is Nikki Cox)

What Do You Guys Drink? Victory Beer, Bourbon, Gin and More!

I've been drinking less that usual these days. I guess just to be healthier plus I think I'm kind of like some over eaters that sit and eat a bag of chips without even knowing they're doing it. I found myself just drinking when I really didn't want to be drinking. So I've slowed down a bit.

But I still do imbibe. And lately I've been sipping on some gin and tonics. Yummm-meeee! Specifically Tanguery and tonic. I got drinking them because that's what my girlfriend drinks and they're refreshing! Sip...ahhhhhh! But I'm not sure I'll be drinking them into the Fall and Winter because they seem more like a Summer drink.

Here's a list of the other things that I drink:

Victory Beer - I'm so happy that I live ten minutes away from this brewery. I like to drink the beer there and in growlers that I have filled up. Here are a few of my favorites: Braumeister (available on tap only), Hop Devil, Prima Pils, Storm King Stout. And many more.

Red Wine - I like most varieties but tend to stay away from anything too sweet. If I had to pick just one drink to have this would be it.And on the subject of wine I've been drinking out of smaller wine glasses because those glasses with the huge bowl just get you too fiiiiiired up! (And I've been calling the bowl of the wine glass the "bulb" for years I still think that somewhere they're referred to as bulbs).

White wine  - love sipping on white but mostly drink when I'm eating a dinner that calls for a white. Favorite characteristics I like are buttery and oaky. May I recommend the Kendall Jackson Chardonnay? And I can't stand cheap booze* but I've got to tell you that Barefoot Brand wine is super inexpensive and tastes good.

Whiskey - I like bourbon and scotch. Favorite brands are Dewers and Crown Royal. Here's how to make me the perfect drink.

Margarita - I love these but to tel you the truth I've only had about six of them all year. I'll have to get on that.

And that's pretty much it. Unless I'm at a party and someone ask me to try something. But I'm open to suggestions.

*At least a few times a year I'll take one sip of a cheap wine and just walk over to the sink and pour it down the drain. I don't know how some of the really cheap wines even get sold. 

Working On Halloween Costume. Village People Biker Dude.

I really need to get my Halloween costume together. Help me decide won't you?

The Village People bike guy is under consideration. I'm thinking of wearing it and letting my wang hang out. But I'll get a huge black wig and shove it in by zipper so big black pubes come a flowin' out. Just so it's authentic and all.

Gabe Kaplan is also up there. Pretty good job on that mask. But look at the depiction of Freddy Boom Boom Washington. A little racist if you ask me Holmes. And notice how he's the smallest face. First the man gives the shortest month for Black History Month now this.

This one isn't a costume but I found this picture doing my research and thought you'd like to see it.

Look at this mess. I hope his parents were honest and said, "Bobby that costume is horrible. Halloween is canceled for you but if you destroy that costume we'll let you peek out your window as we hand out candy." But I do have a soft spot for crappy robot costumes as you may know.

This one is a long shot because I only have three weeks to gain 200 pounds.

I'll wear this - my Sunday loungewear - if I can't decide what to wear.

And this is my final choice. I'll need to rent a kid to stand next to me and cry though.