Thursday, July 17, 2008

Falwless Blog Post Plans About Cat Discovered By That Blue Yak Spy

OK. First let me say that this post has nothing to do with Falwless's disrespectin' me in comments about my rather lame Andy Dick post. It's more of a concern that her blog Lots Better Than Your Blog is going to turn into a blog all about her cat. I think her name is Blue something. Just to make sure, I had one of my company private dicks make a visit to the dumbster outside of her trailer park last night and what he found was amazing. It's a God Damn brainstorming list of things to post about Blue the cat (see undoctored photo above). Here are a few random freestyle scribblings that were found in her notebook (there were 4 friggin' volumes):

- Something about he's magical like a unicorn, fluffy, love.
- Don't forget when she was peaking out of couch!!
- Hypnotizes dogs and babies with her cuteness.
- Put a crazy hat on her and take pictures.
- Ask vet to test her to see if she is indeed the smartest cat (don't forget to tell him about when I told her to get off tv, then she looked at me, then she got off tv).
- Ask bloggers that are good at photoshop if they can photoshop her into the "Hang on till Friday" poster.
- Something about "pussy" but make it funny, not dirty, but will make reader think. (sidenote: get bikini wax before going to the shore).
- Have contest asking for cutest caption but give McGone the real winner: "Precious Wishes are made of love, rainbows and the love of Blue" (which is the real winner).
- Throw out idea of people buying strands of Blue's hair. If anyone bites, do an A - B price test to see how much I can get. Invest money into aggressive fund so I can buy a tiara made of real diamonds for Blue.
- Get a kitten puppet and start rehearsing that song Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy with Blue and puppet dressed up like army ladies but change Lyrics to Boogie Blue-ey Bugle Cat.
- Start posting threats on other kitten blogs so I become the only kitten blog.
- Look at lease to see if I'm allowed to get 11 more cats. One for each astrological sign.
- Write Blue's name in different fonts (use kitten paws for some of the letters as long as you can understand that it still says Blue)

That's just page one because I'm getting tired of writing. The bottom line is that I'm asking everyone to please go to her blog and knock some sense into her. And of course, feel free to leave comments about what else you think may have been listed in these notebooks.


Falwless said...

You are both mentally unstable and apparently ridiculously obsessed with me. These are two of the qualities I am most attracted to in a man.


Otherwise excellent post. And your private investigation work is bar none. Now if you would please exit my bushes and go back home before I call the police, I'd really appreciate it. Kthxbai.

Falwless said...

Btw, the mere fact that I am a post tag on someone else's blog makes my fuckin' day like you wouldn't even believe. That is beyond awesome.

Dr Zibbs said...

Falwless, why are you telling ME that the cat is a he. Shouldn't you be telling YOURSELF as You wrote the list (see nondoctored exhibit A)

Crotchpains said...

Page 2, fourth entry down reads:

-make short video of me and cat in matching T-shirts (side note: where can I buy cat-sized T-shirts? call Petco) frolicking in the park on a suuny day. End with both of us on blanket eating Friskies Buffet cat food from matching bowls marked "his" and "hers"

Red said...

Fal gets all the men. Sigh...

BeckEye said...

Hmm, the gender of the cat is wrong and peeking is spelled "peaking." Yep, Falwless definitely wrote that. Keep up the good work, Yakky network of spies!

"Ask bloggers that are good at photoshop if they can photoshop her into the "Hang on till Friday" poster." - Oh shit. I'm gonna have to change my email address.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

So, am I right in saying that Dr Zibbs has killed Mathdude? There was all that sexual tension between him and Falwless, then bam! Mathdude disappears. I think we should know.

McGone said...

Hold on. This is a fake... there is no mention of Jon at Extraneous Kickassery in any of this! Were there doodles saying "Mrs. Jon Kickassery" or "Falwless + Jon 4Ever" in the margins?

McGone said...

Oh, and Precious Wishes really are made of love, rainbows and the love of Blue. I have that stitched on a pillow at my house.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Item 367, (page 14, volume 3):

Teach Blue how to flush toilet using only his paws and his love for cleanliness

Reward Blue with oodles of snuggly wuv and many cookie-wookies

Falwless said...



And McGone - those doodles are on my Trapper Keeper.

Whiskeymarie said...

I, for one, am glad that there is another person out there just beginning the slow, sure decent into becoming the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons.
Just because one has matching t-shirts and hats with their precious furry felines does NOT mean that one has an unhealthy attachment to one's cat(s).
Or so I've heard.

Gwen said...

I only saw Volume 2. These were some of my favorites:

Item 457: Knit sweater from Blue's pretty, pretty gray hairs. Call grandma to find out how to make those cute iddle tiger stripes that I love so very much. Post details re hair gathering and yarn spinning.

Item 784: Potty train. This will be good for weeks of progress reports on the ole blawg. Make a "Kitty Goes Potty" tag.

Anonymous said...

Damn good investigating. I expect to see this little expose on Dateline "Crazy Cat Ladies Exposed" or at least on Intervention.

Poor Crazy Cat Lady Falwless - she used to be something huh?

morgetron said...

I'm a dog person.

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