Thursday, July 24, 2008

Which Bloggers Have The Right Stuff To Spend The Time To Promote Me?

Wouldn't it be great if my blog went from one of the most visited sites on the Internet to THE most visited? Next thing you know, I'm the 3 legged race partner with Jeff Bezos at the Fat Cat Internet picnic they probably have. Then - I'm telling a joke about the Internet which ends with the punch line, "No, Maam' I said wiki "PEDIA", (as I lean over and shake my head demeaningly in the face of the girl.) This is gonna be great.

And you can bet I'm not going to forget you little buggers - my loyal readers - who are going to help me get there. I'll probably even consider buying a big assed building that'll make Google headquarters look like a God damn shanty town. In the meantime, you people need to get to work. Use the Google maps to find central state that you can meet so you can begin working on promotional items. I'd welcome you to West Chester, but there are certain zoning issues concerning letting people of a certain ilk into our pristine borders. As for the promo items, just remember that things have be top notch or we're all going to look stupid.

I can just see it now, Falwless is working on a banner that says, "That Blue Yak - It'll Get Ya". Meanwhile, McGone and Gwen are busy making buttons - "hey, watch your fingers you guys." Whose that over there? - It's Whiskey Marie and newcomer Alice working on some posters - "'Hey guys, ease up on the glitter -we need to save some for the float!"

Here are a few other things I'm telling you that you have to do:
- Cut out small pieces of paper that say, "Now that I've got your attention, check out the blog 'That Blue Yak' - just google those 3 words." (I need thousands of these spread throughout the important cities - NOW). Feel free to take picture of your handiwork and send them to me. This will be proof that you're not lazily sitting on your asses watching TV shows that - frankly - aren't going to get any of us anywhere. Make a contest out of it with yourself. Challenge yourselves.
- While hearing a bore ass telling a stupid story at a party, push your hand in his face then address the listener, "That guy is boring - That Blue Yak isn't. He wrote a story about how to buy a great gift."

- Whenever the topic of politics comes up, cup your hands to help with voice projection and say, "Politics Smolitics - take this piece of paper that shows a hyperlink to a hyperfunny post about Presidential coins - courtesy of That Blue Yak
- Someone is going to have to's a bit early to be introducing this part yet.
What other imaginative ways can you think of to promote the mighty blog of Dr Zibbs? Let's share. Remember, you're only going to get out of it what you put into it. Finally, to keep yourselves motivated, one of you may receive a prerecorded thank you call from me. Hmmmmmm? Hmmmmm? And one more thing - don't fail.


McGone said...

I actually have a note from my doctor, so I'm sorry, but I will not be able to work in your sweatshop. Sounds fun though!

Mo said...

Well, I'd love to help, so I have a few people I'd like to volunteer for the human sacrifice bit. Just tell me when and where.

Falwless said...

For whatever reason the picture for this post has me crackin' up over here. Probably because a bunch of Indian children doing some arts and crafts is never not funny. I mean c'mon, they're INDIAN. DOING ARYS AND CRAFTS. WHILE BEING INDIAN. Get it?????? HUH???

Yeah, neither do I.

Listen, I like this new plan of yours. Because I am sort of obsessed with you and your blog and your bizarre fucking sense of humor, I might even participate. I am thinking on a bigger scale, though.

Billboards. TV spots.

Can you even imagine it? Like you're watching According to Jim and suddenly it goes to commercial and it's all, "THIS SHOW IS TERRIBLE. HONESTLY. TERRIBLE. SERIOUSLY. YOU THERE-- YEAH YOU ON THE COUCH, DIMWIT -- YOU ARE A POOR JUDGE OF WHAT IS FUNNY. FOR ASSISTANCE, VISIT THE BLUE YAK." And it could scroll the web address while it plays Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer" and a small dog dressed up in a yak ensemble dances around and barks real cute-like.

Just do me a favor and think about it.

Falwless said...

Um, I meant THAT BLUE YAK, of course, not THE BLUE YAK.

God that'd be an awful mistake to make. We don't want to drive people to THE BLUE YAK instead. That website is shit.

Falwless said...

And I meant ARTS and crafts, not ARYS.

I give up. I'm going home to cry now.

Dr Zibbs said...

Falwless, I likes how you're thinkin'. Imagine suddenly during ACCORDING TO JIM, little cartoons of us come popping up in the corner of the TV? You know how they do it. We can use the art that I know McGone is working on. If he's gonna be a cheap ass and not take it to the next level and animate it, we can always just cut out the area of the mouths and mouth what we're saying. Of course I won't let McGone do it. I'll find the creepiest looking crappy toothed hillbillie to do his character. And I might even change his name to McDick. Is that mean?

Dr Zibbs said...

And one more thing Fal, I used the Indian children because I really believe that most of the readers of this blog are Indians. Even though Gwen and Whiskey Marie posted pictures, do you REALLY think that's them? Between you and me, not only am I not a real doctor, I've never even been to a doctor. Everyone makes up fibs on the ISH (Information Super Highway)

Smoochies said...

Meet in Downingtown, they accept all types if failures to live and not work in their borough.

I've scheduled a tattoo appointment this afternoon to ink "That Blue Yak" on my bicep. I thought about the forhead, but you're not paying me enough for that piece of skin.

John Young said...

Tattoos? Tattoos? YOU'RE ON. I shall provide the tattoos. Somebody in the Cloud Of Zibbs Fans provide me with a vector yak (Illustrator CS3 preferred), and I will make a tattoo stencil from it, and then you all can bear the Mark of the Yak upon your right hands and foreheads, yea, even for eternity, or until you take four or five showers, whichever comes first.

John Young said...

Glitter Yak also an option, by the way:

Some Guy said...

I, for one, have been standing on the corner with a megaphone and a spray bottle, shouting, "Alright assholes! Listen up! Visit "That Blue Yak" or I'm gonna spritz you with the ebola virus!"

Mind you, it is a pretty busy corner. Lot's of traffic. If that doesn't help, I'm afraid nothing will.

Anonymous said...

why would I spend time promoting your 3 word blog, when it is MUCH easier to type in my 2 word blog?

People like simplicity. I'm just sayin'!

But maybe I will do a little propoganda work and take photos to prove it.

I am betting your traffic will increase by 1-5 hits. A week.

JDizzle said...

I plan on standing at the courthouse on Sunday with the war protesters wearing a sandwich board that says "If you like peace, then you'll love That Blue Yak. Google it."

Dr Zibbs said...

You know, I put this idea out there just to get some feedback and to see if I have something. And damn it I do. Please watch your mailboxes for official paperwork and further intructions.

Gwen said...

I adore that I've been given a job, and I'm working on it because I'm no slacker, but in the meantime I'm going to put flyers up at filling stations that read, "That Blue Yak: Gets you there without gas. Google it."

BeckEye said...

Since you didn't mention me in the post, I'm not doing shit for you. And I used to work in PR, so I bet you're sorry now.

Of course, it's been rumored that I was fired for sucking at PR, so you might not be too sorry.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Ok, so I was in BC gathering supplies for this project. I've hired one of those jets with the banner streaming behind it? It says: "Hey assholes, you're bored and boring? Go visit That Blue Yak. Google it."

I'm working on shortening it a bit. Letters are money you know.

But dammit, glitter is my favorite color and I'll use as much of it as I can.