Thursday, November 13, 2008

I've Got A Confession To Make About When I'm Alone



I admit it. I often do things when I'm by myself just to crack myself up. I'll sing. I'll dance. I'll talk in a weird voice while I'm cooking, pretending that I'm on a goofy ass cooking show. For a half hour. It's actually entertaining.

The only downside is when you get busted. Remember that story I told you about when I worked at the Lions Share Restaurant in 9th grade and someone had an accident in one of the stalls and they tried to get me to clean it up? Well, I got busted there for doing something really embarrassing.

They asked if anyone wanted to make some extra money on a Sunday by coming in and buffing the floors. I was there first thing Sunday morning and the cook, the only other person there, showed me how to use the device. It was one of these huge machines that when you turn the handle slightly, the whole mechanism turns by itself. It pretty much pulls you. The picture above is a miniature version of the industrial grade power horse I was using.

So I'm back in the very last room and I'm getting bored so I lean it all the way to the left and the thing practically turns me so I'm spinning in a circle. Hey this is fun. Then I stop it and make it spin to the right.

I take a quick peak down the corridor and the coast is clear so I continue goofing off. I must have been day dreaming because next thing you know, I'm imagining that I'm on in a sitcom like I Love Lucy or a movie and I'm in a Jerry Lewis voice going, "Oh Lady...Oyyyy...Oh stop this thing I want to get off." And I'm working this thing, it's hitting the walls, it's going full speed and then just then,

Cook: (walks into room and has look of disgust) What....?

Me: (startled like I just realized a bear is about to maul me) I thought!..Uh.....! Um.

That was pretty much my statement. What the hell can you really do in a situation like this? Exactly.

30 comments:

Kristin said...

It's good to have a rich inner life. Except when your inner life comes out and someone on the outside gets a glimpse of your innards. If you know what I'm saying. (I hope you do, because I'm not sure I do.)

buffalodick said...

Getting busted while no one supposed to watching can be the pinnacle of embarassment...

Gwen said...

This does not surprise me in the least!

Michelle J said...

So, you were actually rendered into a babbling idiot???

I like that about you, your somehow human, like the rest of us!!!

I'm just saying!!

Love
Stalker

SkylersDad said...

It's a great comfort to me to know I am not the only one out there like this!

Kimmie said...

Your poor wife.

Tova Darling said...

Haha! I love it! Wanna be a guest star on my fake reality show? You could do a cooking segment! I do my reality show monologues while driving alone in my car. That way I can be sure I won't get caught.

ReformingGeek said...

I thought stuff like that only happened to me.

H said...

Please post video reenactment.

saratogajean said...

I would totally do the same thing. God help me if I ever get on a Segway.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I interview myself on the toilet. Or I talk to an imaginary camera as though I'm on a documentary, about my oh so awesome life. Although, I'm happy the camera's imaginary. Because, you know, I'm on the toilet...

Argentum Vulgaris said...

hmmm, singing while doing the dishes fades succinctly into the background...

AV
http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/

LYDIA said...

Oh I feel your pain!! My husband always busts me doing stupid things - singing in a dumb voice, dancing as ugly as I can to a popular song, singing into a spoon... Oh yeah, I get VERY embarrassed. It's really the only time I get embarrassed. I like to do these things with my pretend audience, not a real one.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Hee hee Zibbs, glad to see the power of the buffer was not lost on you. Aren't confessionals liberating?

Queen Goob said...

I think we've all been busted a time or seventy-three. I tell myself jokes just to hear myself giggle.

Warped, I know, but I am ONE FUNNY GAL!

Sausage Mechanic said...

I'm a new blogger. Gwen directed me here as a good example. I've read several of your posts and am having difficulty typing this as I'm laying on the floor laughing my ass off! Intend to spend the afternoon reading more. One question: Do you recommend I get drunk before doing so? Just wondering.

INNER VOICES said...

i too have been busted doing the very same thing... *hangs head in mock shame*

Sass said...

I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one driven to idiocy at times I'm alone.

And i'm not the only one to get caught.

I'll never tell...hee heee hee.

Dr Zibbs said...

Sausage Mechanic - welcome to my amazing blog. I do ask that readers start at least from June 2008 and read foward to really grasp what this blog is all about. You've made a wise choice. Please let the others know what you find so funny. Take all of the space you need. And please, be detailed.

Miss Catherine said...

Lydia-
I thinks this falls true. Unless you've had a few too many "spiked" drinks.
Then you just do those things and embrace them.

Zibbs-
One late night in Wal-Mart I found myself riding around in one of those sweet pink jeeps. Riding around acting like I owned the place. Until a little girl and her mom spotted me! I was caught. The girl ask if thats what midgets looked like. and the mom looked at me with a disgusted look.. and started to approach me. Stuck in the jeep I was helpless, and started to "make a get away" in my jeep. Ran into a huge thing of toilet paper and it all fell on me. It was horrible. I had to clean it all up. :(

Lovely/Sexy Miss Catherine

Giggle Pixie said...

You should see me on long car drives when I'm by myself.

Wait...no, you really shouldn't see me. NO ONE should see (or hear) me and my babbling shenanigans in the car!!!!

miss milly said...

for a second there I thought I was reading about me, then I realized....... oh yeah..........

katrocket said...

That's an excellent story -hilarious, but clean.

INNER VOICES said...

*recommends "sausage mechanic" get drunk before doing everything*

Fancy Schmancy said...

I sing and dance around every time I'm in the kitchen, sometimes getting the animals to participate. I doesn't bother me in the least, but it embarrasses the crap out of the boy when he walks in on it.

Kez said...

HAHA. I love those "deer in the headlights" moments.
Priceless.

Chris said...

You rock, Dr. Zibbs. I used one of those buffers at a grocery store when I was in high school. I can totally picture you doing this, Jerry Lewis voice and all!

mike said...

I've used those floor machines before, they are WICKED fun. You are right about just moving the handle a little and the whole thing taking off. Good times.

Micgar said...

"He loves a buffer...and he loves when it spins...he loves a buffer... and it makes he break into a grin..."

Caffeine Court said...

My parents used to go the Lions Share all the time. I hope it wasn't my Dad.