When I'm asked to travel the east coast and give sex talks to uncomfortable kids about sex, I make sure I have two things handy: My whistle and my magic marker drawings of sex organs.
Not really. But this creepy gym teacher from the 1950's does. Here is the #3 video in the TBY creepy video weekend series. Enjoy.
I declare the rest of the weekend TBY creepy video weekend. And with that I give you.....Baby Laugh A Lot by Remco.
The only thing creepier than the doll are the choppers on the chick at 17 seconds in.
Sweet Jesus.
Check out this drive-In theater hot dog commercial trying to get you to buy a crappy drive-in hot dog. Then, read my thoughts on the commercial.
- Hot dogs are fine on a picnic but "at their best" at the drive-in? Don't make me laugh narrator. Don't make me laugh.
- You cook the hot dog until it's "just right"? You mean until it's "done"? How gourmet of you.
- Mustard, ketchup and relish are seasonings? Wait. Hit the breaks here..You're kidding right?
- Who is that creepy looking Dad in the car narrator? Is it you? It is you isn't it? Did you just come from work? Why are you wearing those clothes to a drive-in? And it looks like you started to yell it that kid in the front seat the second the director said cut! Didn't you? Telling him that he better be appreciating his drive-in hot dog. Yeah you did!
Man you are a DICK! Now go get me a hot dog.
I hope you're all drinking by now on this Memorial Day Weekend.
The Friday Send Off Song goes to Lilu who has just landed in New England for the weekend. If you haven't seen her blog or aren't on her Twitter list you should get there because she's hysterical and she's on the way to building an online empire.
So enjoy the "uncomfortable to look at" Steve Miller singing The Joker. Remember when Homer sung this?
230 followers strong.
A few things since it's Memorial Day Friday and people are going to be itching to get out of work early.
- For my foreign readers. Do you even HAVE memorial day? And for my American readers will you be sneaking out early? Any good plans for the holiday?
- I was invited to Sea Isle (New Jersey shore) for the weekend - free. I'm not "shore" if I'm going to go. Get it? "shore" instead of "sure"?
- I wonder how soon really good sweet corn will be ready? It's probably going to be a while.
- The helicopters have almost fallen from the eight maple trees in my yard so I may be able to order mulch finally.
- If you're having BBQ this weekend get some Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce . I just discovered it recently and it's the best I've ever had from a bottle.
- I declare this the second worst post ever on TBY.
I forget how I found this video on Youtube about rapist glasses* and pedophile beards but it's pretty funny. Take a look:
*I do not endorse rape in any form but I do endorse fashionable glasses. I just want to be clear on that.
And now a little hodgepodge of blog related stuff:
- Don't forget that you can follow me on Twitter. See sidebar Twitter info and click to join. And I'm new to Twitter. If anyone has any good tips, please leave them in the comments area. That means you Lilu - with your 500 plus followers. I'd like to know how much it's helped your blog and any insight you can give.
- I'd like to be your Facebook friend. Go to Facebook and search for me. My name is Jim Zibbs.
- Look at that Snapvine recorder on my sidebar. Nobody has left a message in a while. Click play to hear some of the great messages. To leave me a message, you just dial the number listed from your phone! It's that easy. Go ahead. I'd love to hear from you. (please - no gay stuff)
- And now, the very funny blogger Cameron has interviewed me - with his focus being on me and chicks. To read the interview, click here.
I love ACDC but the song "I've Got Big Balls" has got to be one of the stupidest songs in rock and roll ever.
Not that I don't crank up and sing it out loud every time I hear it but it's just so stupid. The lyrics that are supposed to be clever, the way he's sings it in that sing/talk royalty voice - just everything about it. It's a love hate thing.
As regular TBY readers may know, I love video mashups on the Youtube. Here's a great mashup that someone did using ACDC's "I've Got Big Balls" and Spongebob Squarepants. Pretty good editing here.
OK this is really weird. Last week, in another shameless attempt to promote my blog, I wrote,
Google this: THAT BLUE YAK
on three or four dollar bills. I mean...uh....I didn't do it because it's against the law - I saw someone else do it. Yeah that's what happened...
So anyways, my sister calls me this weekend and said her son (my nephew) received a tip at the Country Club he works at, saw the command to Google THAT BLUE YAK, saw the post I wrote about the Downingtown Farmer's Market and realized it was my blog because he's heard the story before.
What are the odds of that happening?
And to my nephew: STOP READING MY BLOG.
And to everyone else, let me know if you can write this phrase on a few bills this morning. Also, is it REALLY illegal to deface money? Has there ever been a case of someone being prosecuted? My one minute Google search is very unclear on this. Maybe one of my readers that has nothing important to do can find this out for me. (That's right, turn off The View and get to work!)
And if you do see a bill labeled this way, please do not try to sell it to the Smithsonian, or a collector or frame it. I'd really like to keep them in circulation as long as possible.
I think I played this a long time ago on TBY. It's Brad Nealy's Baby Cakes. Lies.
This is a hysterical video. What do you think? I just really think that this is brilliant and would love to meet this dude and try to get inside his head. I'm not sure if anyone in Hollywood has tapped him yet but come on. This is just great!
I've been blogging for a while. And I've always made it a point to write posts about other blogs that I like. Most people that have been reading my blog for a while know that I've been really generous when it comes to the amount of bloggers that I link to in posts.
And it's not just so they'll link back to me. Even though they do. I really do love to watch a blog that has nobody reading it start to grow. And even though I write all this crazy stuff, I love the people that are writing these posts. It's such a part of my life now. Nothing like being out and around and having a bunch of comments to read on my blackberry.
It took me ages to have people read my blog. If you look at the early days of my blog - nobody was reading it. Nobody. I'd write a post then ask, "What do you think?" (cricket, cricket) But all it really took was to start commenting on other blogs.
So here's a post from Candy that really made me feel great. Really great. To view it, click here.
And on a related note. Are you a lurker or someone that hasn't left a comment in a while? Go ahead, leave one now.
Waiting for Guffman is on my top 10 list of funniest movies ever. If you haven't seen it, go rent it now. Here's the song "Nothing Ever Happens on Mars" featuring Christopher Guest, Catherine O'Hara and crew.
And Eugene Levy as the Martian.
Seriously, if you're looking for a movie that is super dry, this is it. It's even better than Spinal Tap.
If this live version of Mockingbird with James Taylor and Carley Simon doesn't put a smile on your face...you're brain dead.
YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS NOW!!
I thought today was the Chester County Hospital May Festival but it's actually May 26. Which is perfect. Because I was thinking about going there, getting in the moon bounce and then putting on these:
They're aerator shoes.
Then as the deflation of the giant moon bounce begins the screams of joy will turn to screams of horror. Parents will frantically pull through the folds of the still flapping rubber looking for their children.
Someone will drop to their knees and scream, "Why??"
Just as the last child is pulled from the wreckage I will emerge from what's left of the moon bounce wearing my fancy ass aerator shoes. Everyone will look at me with confusion and anger at which point I'll get all pissed and innocently say,
"WHAT????....(looking around) WHAT?? I thought that....Oh forget it!"
Then I'll stomp away all pissed off.
I'm going to ask you to do something a bit unconventional here:
1) Get two brooms and duct tape them into the shape of a cross.
2) Drape some manly fabric over the horizontal broom.
3) Tape a photo of a celebrity that you think looks like me - upside down - onto a bucket and place it on the top of the vertical broom.
(pause and go get your dancing shoes)
Now after saying, "I dedicate this song to new time reader and funny commenter Samsmama and my great blogger friend Fancy "Claven" Schmancy "- (one of my favorite smart asses in the blogosphere). ...pretend that the ridiculous contraption you made is me and start dancing with it to Bobby Darin singing "Beyond the Sea"
221 followers and slowly growing. ....like a Chia Pet.
...and that man was me.
Yesterday I was in the Produce Junction in Exton and some lady was bending over looking at flowers. You could totally see a lot of her boobage. So I took a quick peek. I was just about to move on then she bent over again so - like metal drawn to a magnet I took another quick glance.
Nothing too creepy I thought.
Then she saw me looking and quickly stood up.
I was going to say, "Do you even know who I am?"..but didn't want to embarrass her. Why do you ladies even wear stuff and expose the boobs to us if you don't want us to look? Jesus.
So do you like when we take a look or not? Let's just settle this once and for all. Is there a proper amount of time to look? Should we not smile, nod our heads, put hands on hips, swirl head around and say, "Oh you got it goin' on sister - YOU GOT.IT GOIN.OOOOOONNNNN" (snaps fingers then twirls then snaps again then does the bump twice)?
What are are the rules?
Here's a Sesame Street song that will be stuck in your head. The catchy diddy "The Lady Bug Picnic".
And listen to the great use of the kazoos and jews harp. Well done.
Here are some random things about some bloggers that read my blog. Maybe I'll make this a regular feature. Please visit their blogs and tell them Zibbs sent you. Remember, the more we mention each other's blogs, the more popular our blogs become. But of course it makes much more sense to mention a blog like mine - because it's a famous one. Choose wisely.
- Wendy B is a sweetheart and I love her smile. And she's a great jewelry designer.
- Earl and Slyde are two dudes that are as close to my group of real life guy friends that I know in my blogosphere.
- Ask Alice - is someone that has been absent on TBY for ages but I'm glad she's back. It kind of bums me out the number of people that have dropped out since last fall. I hope she's back for good.
- Jill from Caffeine Court is a long time reader. We're the same age and she went to a neighboring high school. I'd be surprised if we didn't meet within the next year. She lives in the same neighborhood as Springsteen you know.
- I think Scandalous Housewife is sexy. I'm glad that she decided to finally comment on my blog after I guilted her into it.
- I'm offering to help Shawn with her saggy boob issues. Except it's going to be really hard to help without seeing them. I'm a doctor damn it. Maybe she could do one of those construction paper silhouette deals that 1st graders do of their big ass heads. At least it would be a starting point for my diagnosis.
So are any of you fans of any of these bloggers? Also, do you want to be like me? Why don't YOU write a blog post about some other bloggers. Might as well start with highlighting me..just in case you're nervous and all.....
The lovely Peggy from the blog Stir Crazy in the Suburbs sent me this video. This theme always cracks me up. Something terrible happens then someone makes fun of it. In this case it's a cat playing piano.
I watched these a few times and giggled like an idiot. YOU HAVE TO WATCH THESE. Tell me what you think.
http://www.playhimoffkeyboardcat.com/
Just a few questions about the retards that stand outside of the Today Show with their signs:
- Do they make their signs before traveling? And roll them up and consider it carry on? Holding it like precious gold the entire way?
- Or perhaps the first stop they make in New York is to a drugstore so they can pick up sign making supplies.
- Do some of the signs have even worse sayings on the back and even crappier handwriting because it was their first draft?
- For years to come, do they tell tell the story of how their sign made it onto The Today Show for 3 seconds and Al Roker almost made a comment about it until he saw the "Super Moms from Michigan" sign.
And lastly, do these people have any idea that there's much more interesting things to do in New York?
If you've had "finding the gayest Star Trek video" on your list - go about your regular chores because I found it.
Also, I did see the new Star Trek movie this weekend in Downingtown. It was pretty good. Wasn't great but it's worth seeing.
Did anyone else see it? What did you think? As I said on Twitter (follow my gripping words by clicking the sidebar icon) I really liked the dude that did Spock. The Kirk actor wasn't too bad either.
A few years ago my daughter left a shampoo cap off of the bottle in the tub. The slippery shampoo seeped out of the bottle. I was showering up my nude body (including the sexy reproductive areas) when I slipped and fell out of the tub.
I landed with my upper body on the outside of the tub and my lower body on the inside of the tub. I ended up with a black and blue mark the size of a basketball.
This could have been a much funnier bathroom story if it had involved a toilet, or if it had happened to you - not me. Because it hurt like hell and I wasn't laughing.
But it brings me to this question. Has anyone ever fallen into the toilet because the toilet seat was up? Because that's funny.
Please tell your story.
Foster Brooks was born today. Here's a really funny clip of him roasting Don Rickles at a Dean Martin celebrity roast.
His pretend drunkenness cracks me up but the reaction of the other people makes it even funnier.
But I still think Ed Norton and Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners were funnier drunks when they drank grape juice and thought they were drunk. Does anyone remember that episode?
I've never called for anyone to be fired but after reaching for deodorant this morning that's all changed.
I was out of my own deodorant so I was fishing around in the closet and found Ban Vanilla Scented Deodorant. I guess it'll be fine to wear for a day. I don't really smell so I only wear deodorant because I'm a very compassionate person and I don't want stinky people to feel different.
Well guess what's on the label of this vanilla scented Ban bottle? I'm not lying here. It says, "limited edition packaging"!!
How in the hell is this a selling benefit? How many levels of the marketing department saw this and thought it was a good idea to make it "limited edition"? I could see if it were in a train shaped glass bottle like those crappy Avon colognes but it's in the regular shaped plastic bottle.
Or maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I should hoard as many as I can and in fifty years I can bring a case of them on Antiques Roadshow.
"What you have here Dr Zibbs is a perfect vanilla scented Ban bottle. Notice how it's light green instead of dark green. I've seen pomegranate scented bottles go for $5000 at auction but I don't recall ever seeing vanilla. Congratulations."
"Wow. I could sell it but I guess the wise thing to do will be to keep it in the family as it's such a part of our family history."
So I'm home to change after a funeral I went to and now I'm going back to my sister's house. Many of my extended family will be there from all over the country as it was my Uncle from Chicago that died.
Since we might be swimming in her heated pool and attached hot tub this is the quickest video I could find. Monkeys in a hot tub in Japan. Look at them go!
First of all. I hope people weren't too pissed because of the joke I pulled on my blog today.
Where I come from, instead of saying sorry, we offer the person a song. Sometimes we sing it. Sometimes we write the lyrics out in calligraphy on a brown paper bag and burn the edges to make it look all old and shit. And other times we just fling the record at the person and say, "Here. Mom made me say sorry."
So please listen to Men Without Hats singing "Safety Dance" and lets all move on. Shall we?
And this Friday Send Off Song is dedicated to Mo Stoneskin. Check out his blog and tell him Zibbs sent ye'.
A drumroll please........
Taaadaaa! Since I still want to stay kind of anonymous, I've posted a picture from about 18 - 20 years ago. I know it's over 16 years old because I have butt in my hand.
OK. Before everyone jumps in and says I'm a nerd, this is a very old picture of me AND I have contacts now. I also don't have a cheesy ass mustache anymore. And I'm much thinner now too. Damn have I aged well.
Do you know what I do have though? I still have that shirt..better get rid of that thing.
But I don't have the computer. I'm strictly a laptop man now.
So there you go. You've seen me.
I will be posting a picture of myself tomorrow. Yes. It's true. I may leave it up all day or maybe I'll just post it for a few hours so you better be checking out my blog.
And anyone who copies and pastes it onto their blog will get the wrath of me. When it's gone it's gone. So you might want to team up and take shifts.
So in anticipation, I will play this Carly Simon song, "You're so Vain". (You're..meaning me)
Good luck trying to sleep tonight.
