BREAKING NEWS: New Blogger Hates People That Are Different
So a conversation in the comments section a few posts ago goes like this with Lydia, new reader and commenter of my amazing, award winning blog:
Lydia: ...I'm still awaiting to hear if you are in fact male.
Dr Zibbs: Lydia, I'm so male I'm like 2 males. Twins. OK Siamese Twins.
If you're a reader of my blog, you know that I believe all creatures are created equal. Everybody is special. Some people are even more special, like retarded people. That's why I think they're called "retarded special"...and something about the love of Jesus or something...I forget the exact wording of my mission statement...anyways, imagine by sadness when I click on her blog and see this!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get baby Jesus* a tissue. I hear him crying.
*I just thought of a great idea for churches that believe in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost for Jesus. What if, like that immature picture that Lydia posted, you had the Father, Son and Holy Ghost as Siamese triplets? Hmm? I know. Some of the best ideas are soooooo simple.
39 comments:
HEEEY! Lydia is MY new commenter!
Ok, fine.
We can share her (but only because she likes you so much and I would totally lose if she had to pick between Dr. Zibbs and measly little ole' MelO) :-P
Back off, you two.
Lydia is MY new commenter.
CommentOr? Commentator?
Yeah.
I have an idea why don't the three of us settle it with a good old fashioned mud wrestling match? Hmmm. But we all want her to be a commenter....It's settled. The 3 of us will have the mud wrestling match and Lydia can watch...but she agrees to comment on all of our blogs. Yeah that's fair.
Something more sanitary than mud.
I'm a princess.
Lydia is my LESBIAN LOVER!!!!! EVERYONE TAKE A STEP BACK AND NO ONE GETS HURT.
MelO, Sass, Zibbs - I love all of you. And I will comment on all of your blogs with words of love and wisdom that has come to me from my many years on this beautiful planet.
Going back to my immature picture I posted of Zibbs and baby Jesus and his tissue, I think Jesus would have done what I did. He has a sense of humor too damnit!
Besides Zibbs, you made fun of me and my long (I prefer swan like) neck :( I will see you in hell bitch!
Oh, and I am down with the mud wrestling. And my newly acquired lesbian lover :)
I could take these bitches down in the mud!
So look out.
;)
Sass - if you don't like mud, how about a nice bed at a Marriot. We could have a pillow fight. I have a crap load of Marriot points to use up. But since I'm paying for the room, you guys need to pay for everyhting else. And I like the finer things just so you know.
Falwless - you will be a lesbian once you see her because she's totally hot.
Lydia - As long as you save your most brilliant comments for my blog I guess that's OK.
Zibbs - I totally forgive you for the neck comment. I can't guarantee my brilliance - it comes and goes. Sadly it's not present today. Deadlines at work will do that to you. As for the pillow fight, there needs to be required attire. Cute little lacy underthings and such (this includes you too Zibbs!) Perhaps bunny ears? Or horns? Your choice.
Shit, this is better than television. I think I'll pop some popcorn and crack open a beer.
Nothing better than Jesus, lesbians, mud wrestling, the Marriott and pillow fights!!!
I love spectator sports, so CARRY ON!!!!
- Jennifer
I'll be right here with Jennifer and Sandi, watching how all of this plays out.
This is disturbing on so many levels, yet i can't look away!!!
melO ~ you can NOT take me. ;)
I think cute little underthings, lacy, or...leather. I can't do bunny ears. They creep me out. I'm up for horns, as long as no one rams me in the eye.
Wait...who's the lesbian lover of whom? Who's hot?
I totally misread Marriott. I thought you said on a bed of merlot. Yeah. I'm one of baby Jesus' really special ones.
Must...step...away...from...computer.
I think all parties associated with the pillow fight going down at the Marriott (or Merlot) needs to post a pic of their bulging biceps so we know who could really take whom - and who is all talk.
I wouldn't want to scare you ladies off before the big showdown!
So, I take it EVERYONE is a princess about the mud?
Yeah, We (I mean Lydia) demand pictures of biceps!!!! I'll help her review said photo's.
- Jennifer
OK you birds figure this out. I'm leaving right now for a meeting. I will check back here later.
Did Zibbs really just call us birds? After his post about hating people who look like birds?
I won't be scared of any biceps! I am tough! Really tough!
Will this be televised and available for viewing in Canada because this is going to be epic.
Though along with Jesus, the Merlot Merriott, lesbians, pillows and mud wrestling lets throw in a game of wits too. Bloody hell. This is Battle Royale.
*whisks off to purchase much needed booze for the Battle of battles*
... sorry.... battle of battles is quite pathetic and quite un-wit like.... dang... will think on this...
I know! Seriously... wtf? That is soooooo Zibbs, for ya.
And what's with this "meeting" B.S? Like we're supposed to believe that he actually "works" or "has important meetings?" I would say this is much more important than any meeting! hmmph!
MelO - I swear it's just a male thing. Let's pretend we have a "meeting" or something so we look important and crap. I don't know about you, but I am extremely impressed by his importantness (nice use of my made up word!)
Miss Milly - Let's work on Zibbs to find someone to make this extravaganza available to "our fans" in Canada. lol... fans. I am sure he has a few male friends hanging around who would be more than happy to help out. Perhaps his siamese twin will get involved? Inquiring minds need to know Zibbs!
Oh and MelO - Thanks for your comments about my wedding pictures :) I loved my photographer too! He made me happy - as did you! Thanks again!
Ya'll are going waaay too fast for me.
I've got a biceps picture, but I'm making a funny face.
I'm wearing a bikini, so that'll satisfy the battle of the...wait a minute...you said WITS, didn't you. shoot.
I'll see you all at the Merlot, but I'm really not into dry wine. I'm also kind of a princess about stains...maybe a nice white instead? I'll see you all at the Chardonnay?
Yes Sass - not a huge Merlot fan myself. Let's see this Battle of the Tits pic! As long as it includes biceps it is all good....
I'm feeling left out. Sista's have been following your award winning neighborhood blog for sometime now. We get nothing, nada, fucking zero.
I still love you
#1
Oh lydia was so wrong. What she missed was the point that you would be double any other man. Double the fun, double the witty, double XY chromosomes (as twins of course)
philly- I think you are safe. I am sorry you feel left out but we're actually fighting over LYDIA not Zibbs (no offense doc)! lol... ;)
You can fight too if u want! I would say we are all equal opportunity pillow fighters (slash wine drinkers?)
why doesn't Lydia ever
comment on my blogs?
ppfffffffffftttttt
Meeting? WTF? There is no time for meetings? Work has GOT to wait. It's not important right now. Get your ass back here.
Where is Jesus when ya need him???
- Jennifer
JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE? Birds is fighting, ladies is lovin', and I'm off actually working? SINCE WHEN? I NEVER WORK!! How did I miss this?
Jeeee-sus. Tiny baby Jesus in a manger being looked over by an ass.
Now everyone needs to listen up. I SAID LISTEN UP! We can all share. There is certainly enough Zibbs to go around. No fighting.
Also, Lydia's mine.
Wow, I really missed out! I should have checked in much earlier.
DEFENSE EXHIBIT A, a comment left on MY website by the lovely LYDIA, yesterday:
I can see why Zibbs has a crush on you - you are hilarious! I wish I had such clever things to write about. Anyway, you are funny. Congrats!
SO TOTALLY MINE. You can clearly see she loves me so back off, bitches.
I'm opening yet another beer! This is getting good!
*Tink*
- Jennifer
I missed out on a lot of fun last night. I do love you Gwen :)
Can we be more specific on the marriott? I have some points I can use for a room. Sweet jesus this sounds like fun.
Okay, now that we've established that your are indeed all man, I want you to take that pig face off and reveal your true identity!!!
Note to self.... don't go away for 2 days and miss awesome commenting on the dr's page.
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