Friday, October 3, 2008

Man Clutches Heart At Exton Kmart

So I had to take the dreaded trip to the Exton Kmart the other day to look for some lettuce seeds and I pass this Halloween thing pictured above. I'm looking at it and all of a sudden - and I mean all of a sudden it starts to move and the hands pick the head up out of it's neck socket. It then says something like, "I believe I'm losing my head" or something stupid like that.

Well, it completely catches me off guard and I kind of jump because the sudden movement and sound scared me in the wastelands of the Exton Kmart. I can't remember if I vocalized a mini scream, "ahhh" or not. All I know, just like when you trip and you have to look to see if anyone saw you, I turn around and this old dude is looking at me. I felt like saying,

"Listen old timer. I'm not afraid of this cheese ball monster. Something could have fallen off of the shelf and I would have jumped. I thought I was alone in the home and garden section OK? The sound startled me. That's it! You believe me..right?"

I picture the guy meeting up with his wife later in the store.

Old Lady: Did you find the rope Harry?

Old Man: Yeah I got the rope. And I saw one of those fags too.

Old Lady: A homosexual? In Kmart?

Old Man: Must of been one. He sees a scary trick or treat prop and he almost pissed his pants he was so afraid. And he screeched like a girl. But he was clearly a man.

Old Lady: Oh yeah. That was probably a gay.

20 comments:

URBAN BLONDE said...

This post made my morning! I'm glad I'm not the only one who makes up imaginary conversations of the people I cross paths with. I know I make them more interesting then they probably are in real life.

Lettuce seeds? Do you have an indoor vegetable garden during the winter?

Dr Zibbs said...

Urby - I was going to use an floating cover to get one last batch of lettuce it.

Falwless said...

Fuck this made me laugh. I do love you, Zibbidy Doo Da.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

"A homosexual? In Kmart?"

This made me laugh and I'm not sure why.

Dr Zibbs said...

Imag Rev - because you're gay? And you never go to Kmart? ...(shrugging shoulders) I don't know.

Kimmie said...

HA!!!! Oh this is good stuff.

Leonesse said...

"A Gay" That cracks me up. Me? As long as they aren't hitting on me I love 'the gays'. Kmart, not so much.

Leonesse said...

At least you look 'clearly a man'... that is something.

Chele said...

see now if I was 5 years old, that headless monster would have scarred me for life and brought me nightmares for years to come.
I have sort of a weird phobia of people in supermarked costumes, especially if they are supposed to be an animal. scary shit.

teri said...

I'm with Chele. I would have screamed and probably wet myself. I hate stuff like that, especially when you're not expecting it.

Everyone knows the normal, non gays go to Target, Dr. You might try that next time.

Suze said...

I've been in that Kmart and believe me, he's one of the nicer looking patrons.

Miss Alex said...

I laughed out loud in my office people are looking at me...

Fancy Schmancy said...

They should be careful scaring an old gay man like that, you could have had a heart attack or something!

Dr Zibbs said...

Miss Alex - Thanks. Also, I love your blog.
Fancy - As Flo would say, "Kiss my Grits."

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Are gay's scared?

I'll have to ask my gay friend Vinny if he would be scared of Halloween characters that remove their head inside of a K-Mart store!!

I'll report back!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

- Jennifer

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

God, first they let them in the Boy Scouts, and now KMart. What is this country coming to?

greeneyesmcl said...

You should have just whistled when you got scared, making things just right at the Exton Kmart. Of couse, with the assortment of oddities that work there a "screaming fag" probably seemed normal.

enc said...

Haw haw.

Everybody else already made all the good jokes, so I'm providing the laughs.

Literally.

Distributorcap said...

there a kmart in manhattan but no target

i am just saying....

Micgar said...

That post made me lose my head!