Thursday, October 16, 2008

A Few Types Of Human Being That Bother Me - AKA Freaks



I'd love to say that I only look at someone's insides but damn it sometimes the outsides are so repulsive or peculiar I can't get over it. Here are a few types with specific features that I have no use for:

People that look like birds - It seems that there are more women than men. We all know what the bird person face looks like, but there's more to it. The neck is long and the shoulders are thin and sloped downward. And many seem to be very cocky in their attitudes. I'm sure there has to be a sociologist reader out there that can tell me the name of this type.

Fat dudes that think they're muscular - listen fatty, just because you're holding your arms out and wearing a shirt with a sports team on it doesn't mean you're a muscle strong man. Stop sucking in the gut and lay off the carbs.

People with nostrils that show too much inner nose - go get yourself a hand mirror. Now hold it to your side and look in your wall mirror. Jot down what you see. Now read back your notes. Does it say, "I see the inside of my dark cavernous nose. The outer portion of my nostril is at least 1/2" from the bottom of my nose." If yes, I don't like your type.

Chinless Bearded Dudes - You. With the beard and no chin. Do you think we think you have a chin under that beard? We know you don't have a chin. We know you can't change a pillowcase without using your hands. You've got no chin. Nobody's fooled. Be on your way.

People with a tooth growing above their normal teeth
- You know what I'm talking about. It's the tooth emerging from the gum as if it's the only remaining portion of the twin they had in the womb. And unless I'm touring hillbilly country from the safety of a tour bus, I don't want to see it.

There you go. For now.

31 comments:

Caffeine Court said...

Judging from this post, I would say you've been spending too much time at the Downingtown Farmer's Market. When I lived in WC I would go there to feel better about myself.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

That nostril thing freaks me out, too. When I was an IT Trainer one of my students was a woman with the biggest nostrils ever. When she talked to me I swear I could see her brain up her nose.

Dr Zibbs said...

Caffeine Court - I'm very, very familiar with Downingtown Farmers Market. The freak show of Chester County. You'll see various references to it in my blog. Sadly, I can't seem to find any good pictures of it online.

McGone said...

Dammit. This means I have to revise that mental image I have constructed of Dr. Zibbs.

Falwless said...

One of the most important posts you've ever written. Glad we got this squared away.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Since I qualify as one--perhaps two--of the people on this list, I'll quietly slip off into the night now...

Michelle J said...

Hi stalker here, so the nose thing also freaked me out a bit!! Anytime you can see inside a person from the outside, well thats not a good thing i say!! The tooth thing too, FREAKY!! Thankfully, i am a very normal looking person, so Dr Z if we ever meet, you won't recoil in terror!!

Oh, i'm going to write later! I will keep you posted dude!!!

Dale said...

They should be rounded up and shot. At least with a camera if not something else.

Poobomber said...

How about those people with no eyebrows? Damn they piss me off.

Gwen said...

I'm glad someone finally said these things out loud. You're a pioneer, Zibbs.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Thank GAWD I have a little nose!

You are too funny!

Mathdude said...

What about guys who wear pig masks? Oops, sorry, never mind.

Kimmie said...

Mr. Perfect...

Bad teeth in general piss me off.

katrocket said...

This is hilarious! I'm with you on the Chinless Bearded thing.

LYDIA said...

So I'm kind of worried after reading this post. Long thin neck - check. Thin shoulders - check. I think I have pretty decent posture, so atleast they don't slope downwards otherwise I might be too close to your bird-like creature.

Suze said...

What about some women who have the one long-ass chin hair? It's just hanging there - flopping in the wind when they talk. Sometimes it's so long it curls. GROSS! Damn it woman, pluck that thing off. Amen.

Sass said...

Caffeine Court referred me to your page, and wow. I'm so glad she did.

I have a tendency to decide there are people that I don't like the looks of. I call it public servicing. I'm just trying to help the human race by getting the ugly people to face the truth.

I live in an area with a chinless epidemic. It's scary. Scary, I tell ya.

Miss Alex said...

Seriously... I that almost killed me.

you missed over wieght waddle women. the kind torpedo tits in ginormous bras.

MJ said...

We know you can't change a pillowcase without using your hands. *chuckle*

I can't stand seeing girls/women wearing "I'm sexy" or "Hot mama" or any variation of the sort t-shirts, especially when it's usually false advertising.

La Pixie said...

okay, now I know not to read your blog while Im at work. because that was so hilarious and I laughed so hard that everyone stopped to see what I was doing! people who look like birds!! HA HA my sister has a thing about people who look like animals... I swear, she sees goats in everyone. also, what is a chinless guy to do except grow a beard??

Slyde said...

oh my god, yes! this finally needed to be said!

i had a friend who had too much nose hair... i couldnt stand to look at him..

Fancy Schmancy said...

How did you know about my snaggle tooth?

BeckEye said...

People with a tooth growing above their normal teeth - sadly, I used to be one of these people. Sort of. There was like, a baby tooth that was hanging on for dear life, even though it was being pushed out by a big tooth. Something like that. It was a long time ago. Fortunately, there are these people called dentists who can fix those things.

MelO said...

If mJenks closes down shop because of this post, I'm totally kicking your ass!

And you better worry about our scheduled mud-wrestling because I'm very talented in slippery situations!

mike said...

I cant stand those no chin having guys with beards either. I always think if the beard got shaved off, they would look like some crazy pirate flag skull without the jaw bone.

But I think I dont understand the pillow case thing. I have to use my hands when I change pillow cases.

enc said...

I see lots of "tough guys" at the gym. They try harder to look tough than the tough guys that are actually tough.

words words words said...

I'm a no-chin-goatee-wearing dude, and you can all kiss my chin!

URBAN BLONDE said...

I saw Alice the Goon while walking the dog in the park on the weekend. I was so excited it was like a Popeye cartoon came to life.

Bluez said...

Did you ever notice Bruce Springsteen has a snagletooth?

Ms. Florida Transplant said...

I can't stand it when people wear spandex. The only people that wear spandex are bicyclers and people that think the spandex is somehow sucking the fat in. Sorry - doesn't work that way.

Chris said...

It's people like you who keep perpetuating the stereotype of those inflicted with wide nostrils, you cruel heartless bastard! ;)