Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Phillies About To Get A Little Bit Of Extra Good Luck


It's final. The Phillies are going to have a bit of an advantage today because I'm going in to West Chester at lunch to help put Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels. It's true. Take a look at the sports section in USA TODAY and you'll see that Phillies starting pitcher in the Dodgers game tonight will be having lunch at the Spence Cafe on Gay Street. He and his wife Heidi (Survivor: The Amazon star and Playboy cover model) are West Chester residents you know.

I don't want to make him nervous so I'll probably order the same thing he's getting - the turkey sandwich with fontina cheese and applewood-glazed bacon. Then when his sandwich is brought it'll go down something like this:

Me: Listen you SOB - that's my sandwich.

Cole Hamels: No I think it's mine. I ordered the...are you Dr Zibbs?

Me: Cole? How peculiar. Of course I'm Dr Zibbs. Who else can walk around with a skull topped walking stick and not look like an ass? And it looks like we've ordered the same thing.

Cole Hamels: Would you mind joining me?

Me: Why don't you join me, I like to sit over against the wall. Better spot for checking out the ladies, being seen and holding court if you know what I mean.

Cole Hamels: I think I do. It's a real honor to meet you Dr Zibbs.

Me: Of course it is - now lets get down to business. I need you to give 110% out there on the mound today because I'm watching the game in my buddy Calhoun's garage tonight while we throw darts with the boys and I want a win. I'd like the Phillies over the Dodgers by 3 runs.

Cole Hamels: I'll do it.
There you go folks.... OH SHIT! I just realized I have a 10:45 meeting then a lunch appointment. If someone could just print out this post and have the waitress give it to him at lunch I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

23 comments:

Philly said...

It's better you not go. Heidi will prob not be able to contain herself.

Tomorrow's headlines: Heidi, Cole Hamels estranged wife runs off with West Chester Celeb Dr. Zibbs.

Sornie said...

Sounds like someone's got themselves a man crush.

Tova Darling said...

Haha! You are one of my new "favs" as well. (See how quickly I catch on to the new hip lingo?)

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

When it says in the newspaper that he'll "run some errands" after lunch, is that journalist-speak for "try to recover and compose himself after meeting local celebrity Dr Zibbs"?

Red said...

Cole Hamels is dreamy. When you meet him, let him know I'm available if he ever gets tired of his super hot wife.

SkylersDad said...

How interesting, I have an ass-topped walking stick, and everyone says I look like a skull.

Reggie White said...

a. I'm glad you are beginning to get 'into' sports. I saw the empty shelf in the baseball know-how section of the library -- use those terms wisely tonight during your outing with the boys. don't get flustered. Remember, it's "umpire" not "referee".
b. what does it mean to "put" someone? Is that some newfangled term the kids are using? ("..I'm going in to West Chester at lunch to help put Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels.") I don't think he swings that way.

PS Thanks for cheering me onto the field at the Eagles game after I died a couple years ago.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

*Sigh* Why WHY why do all men have T.V's & dart boards in their garage?????? My boyfriend has the same darn thing in his garage along with all the race track flags that hides the pretty painted sheetrock!!!!

*Tink* I think I'll grab a beer while I'm at it!!

GO WORLD SERIES!!!

- Jennifer

Leonesse said...

If it involves men in tight pants, I will watch. Only with large quantities of beer. Oh, and that bacon sammich you mentioned.

Yes, yes, beer and bacon.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Poor Cole doesn't even know what he's missing out on today, does he?

Dr Zibbs said...

Reggie White - kiss my grits.

surviving myself said...

Done and done.

words words words said...

I'm glad you have that meeting. I can't afford for you to disrupt Cole's game-day routine! Pitchers are like goalies, they're weird and superstitious.

And don't worry, I have a bit of a mancrush on Cole, too. I mean, he's like Jared Leto except not a total douchebag. I can't believe he married a reality show skank with fake boobs.

Gwen said...

Don't forget to put my shout-out to Calhoun on the dartboard.

@words, words, words: Careful there, Francis, there's nothing wrong with fake boobs.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Since I know you are stalking me (Mr. First Commenter on all of my posts), I shouldn't have to put this in your comments. However, I know how much you like having your ego stroked. So, stroke, stroke, stroke, I gave you an "award". Please check out my last post. You are the stud among all the other women. You are welcome.

greeneyesmcl said...

Ha!Ha! I love Reggie White’s P.S. – FYI…Reginald Howard White .Died December 26, 2004 at age of 43.

Do you think Cole Hamels counted blades of grass or the stars during his Little League years? Hmmmm….

Vodka Mom said...

you crack me up. seriously.

Bluez said...

when I moved to West Chester, a friendly neighbor came to my house and gave me a basket of West Chester goodies which included a free brunch at The Spence Cafe, I just may cash in this Sunday and check it out....

Falwless said...

Excuse me, sir, you cannot post every single morning and then all of a sudden not. I have blue balls.

Dr Zibbs said...

Falwless - I was hoping someone would care.

MelO said...

Good luck with that.

Meanwhile, I'm incredible hungry for lunch and for some strange reason I'm craving a turkey sandwich with fontina cheese and applewood-glazed bacon.

Gwen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Micgar said...

I like skylersdad's comment! I always like his comments!