Remember That Bird I Was Talking About On Facebook? I'm Thinking About Capturing It.

Remember my Facebook status yesterday? When it said, "Jim Zibbs is looking at a bird"?

Then later it said, "Jim Zibbs is wondering where that bird went. OH THERE IT IS!"

And then the blogger H said something like, "You are so weird but I find that endearing."

Well she might think I'm even more endearing because it's final. I've made the decision to capture that bird. Or at least have him eat seeds out of my hand. Or if not that bird (that bird that I'm looking at right now) another bird.

Does anyone have any experience doing this? If so, please let me know the steps and which birds it works best with. I'd also like to know the dangers. I will name the bird after the person that helps me capture him.* Also, I live in Southeastern PA so don't tell me how I can catch a Monkey Eating Eagle or an Ostrich because you'll be wasting your time and mine.

The only thing I tried to capture ever was a rabbit when I was five. My trap was a cardboard box propped up with a stick and the stick had kite string tied to it. I hid behind a tree but caught nothing. At the time I blamed my mom because she gave me lettuce instead of carrots for bait but I bet I was sitting up wind. Who knows.

*(Praying to self) Please let their name be Chirpy. Please let their name be Chirpy.

Richard Simmons. Funny "Who's Line" Gay Stuff. Improv Hilarity.

Has anyone ever seen this video of Richard Simmons when he was on Who's Line Is It Anyway?

If you want to see the funniest video with tons of Richard Simmons gay moves - check this out. I had tears coming down my cheeks. And I don't think I've ever seen an audience laughing this hard. Ever.

And note how in the lower right corner it says, "ABC Family". Ironic.

Tell me what you think. You've got to love Richard Simmons with his exercise clothes and big ole' fro. His look hasn't changed in 25 years.

Funniest Video Ever. Can't Stop Laughing. Foreigners. Talk Show.

You know those situations where you're not supposed to laugh but you can't control yourself? My worst situation like this was in 7th grade when my friend Flare was playing the violin with some of the other no talent violin playing students. There's nothing funnier than kids mangling the violin and you're supposed to sit quietly and pretend that it sounds good. "Are they supposed to be playing the same thing?"

I'm surprised that nothing burst that day. I'm not kidding you. It's that feeling of holding the laughter in. It just kills you. It's like the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry puts the Tweety Bird Pez on Elaine's lap.

Here's a clip I found on the Youtube of a foreign talk show. Probably Russia or Croatia. Who knows. The minute the guest starts talking with his high voice, the talk show host just loses it and he tries to hold in his laughter throughout the interview. Just look at the interviewer as he attempts to compose himself.

This video is pure gold. Pure gold I tells ya!

Are You A Lurker Reading My Blog And You Never Comment?

Are you a reader of my blog but you never comment? That's called a lurker you know. Or do you read my blog and you haven't left a comment in a while?

If so, please leave a comment in the comments section. I just want to get an idea who's out there. You can even just say, "Hi" if you can't think of anything to say. Or tell me your favorite food. Or what you like most about my blog.

I don't care. I just want to see who is secretly reading my blog.

And if you're a regular commenter, you're allowed to leave a comment too if you want. But leave some space for the new commenters.

Good Fellowship Ambulance. Chester County Accidents. Hero

Here's a picture that I took a few months ago in West Goshen PA near the Chester County Book Company. I'm in my car. Watching. Waiting. There was a car crash and the Good Fellowship Ambulance people were there doing their thing.

I pulled over to take this picture. I guess I was hoping there was a chance that I could be a hero but there wasn't. I was thinking about approaching anyway (after making sure hair looked good),

Me: Excuse me, I'm the blog world's Dr Zibbs from That Blue Yak. Can I be of any assistance.

Ambulance Person: Sir, you need to back up and...you're Dr Zibbs?

Me: Yes. Yes I am. Is everything under control.

Ambulance Person: Now it is.

Maybe I should just carry around a few tinfoil wrapped letter "Z's" in my car and when I see an accident I can approach and give the accident victims a tinfoil wrapped "Z",

"Hang in there, maybe this will help."

Chester County Blogger Helps Lovers With Valentine's Day Prep.

If a blog post is written and nobody reads it, does anyone laugh? OK. That makes no sense but here's a blog post I wrote last Valentine's Day when I only had four readers. Tell me what you think. It still cracks me up. Maybe it'll help some of you clumsy lovers to prepare for Valentine's Day 2009.

Valentine's tips are easy to find online. We thought we'd ask THAT BLUE YAK'S fork lift operator Ernie Melson to share some of his wisdom with us this February 14th. Here are the tips he scribbled on a bag while "pinchin' one off". (By the way we call him Vic because he looks like Vic Taybak)

OK, here we go wid a couple doos and don'ts:

1) Treat your dame like a lady on this day.

2) Don't try to be funny on this day. Don't give your lady a card wid two black people running down the beach - no offense Earl. Unless if use is like Earl - black and all. White people - play it safe wid whites on the card. Mulatto? Use is on your own.

3) Don't get her a drill. Even if it makes complete sense that use was gonna make her the planters she's been bitchin' about using the drill.

4) Don't toss the gift to her. Hand it to her all gentleman style and such.

5) Play it safe and go with flowers. I got mine at Produce Junction in Exton as seen in the poloroid above. $10. Can't beat that except when I had to buy them last because I asked her if her jeans shrunk, theys was only $6.

6) If she's goin to Exton anyways, don't make the mistake of saying, "hey, pick yourself up some roses at Produce Junction" no matter how much it makes sense to you.

7) Don't make the mistake and walk over to the Dollar Store and put $20 worth of things in a bag for her as another gift. And it don't matter your effort either if you try to make it all romantic by pulling the dollar stuff out and gettin all clever like, "Our love is like a sponge and all" as you show her the sponge.

8) Call her classy at least 5 times during the day. Check off the times you do it by marking off the number of times on a piece of paper or matches or something. Remember not to let her see you marking off the number of times because then she's gonna say it doesn't count or something.

9) Say, "You smell good -what are you made of roses and flowers and junk." Look up from the T.V. when you say it.

10) Say to her, "Hold on, I'm callin' heaven because I think an angel escaped and shit." Don't try to then catch her wid a fishin' net to make it more believable especially if you're about to leave for the Red Lobster and she's already dolled up and stuff.

Follow these tips and you'll probably be able to be gettin' it on later wid out liftin' a meat hook on her.

Bam Margera Spotted in West Chester.The Note. Open To Drinking Invite.

Look. Closely. I mean squint*. It's another West Chester celebrity - native Bam Margera from JackAss Movie fame. I snapped this shot outside of Sprazzo's in downtown West Chester.

If you're a fan or not, he's got a great new club here in West Chester on Market Street called The Note. It's a great place to see a band.

If the people at The Note would like to treat me - Dr Zibbs - to some free drinks in exchange for me sitting at their bar and drinking, by all means contact my people and I'll try to find some time.

*or click to enlarge dummy.

Corky of Horror. Life Goes On. TV. Funny Ass Clip.

Here is a clip that someone made using video of Corky (actor Chis Burke) and his mom from the show Life Goes On. I found it on the Youtube.

The mashup is very simple but brilliant. Just the addition of sound to the video changes everything.

Now I'm not showing you this because I just watched it 10 times in a row and can't stop laughing at the scream that can be heard at the end of the clip. No. I'm showing it to you as an introduction - a forum if you will - on the topic of immaturity that I'd like to start.

Yup. That's why.


And if you can't watch videos at work, scribble out a reminder to watch it when you get home. Do it now because you know you'll forget.

Joe Pesci. February 9 Birthday. Funny Like A Clown.

So today, February 9 is Joe Pesci's *birthday. He was born in 1943.

And here's a clip from one of the best Joe Pesci movies - GoodFellas. I can't believe that this movie was made in 1990. Times flies.

This is the famous, "funny like a clown" scene - as I like to call it.



* And on a side note, Joe Pesci sang at Vincents Blue and Jazz Bar here in West Chester before he was famous.

Can You Believe What Happened On TV Last Night?

So was the world, gathered around their TV sets last night asking the same question that I was?

How the hell did this tubby from Teen Wolf (standing behind Michael J. Fox) run down the basketball court more than once without fainting?



See what I did there? You thought I was going to mention the Grammy Awards, then all of a sudden I sneak in a question about Teen Wolf that was also on TV last night. I got you there didn't I?

I did watch a bit of the Grammy Awards but that freestyle rap nonsense* is something I can't take. Seriously, I'm convinced they could pull any homeless dude off of the street and he could babble the same junk on stage and nobody would know the difference.

Do we all at least agree on that?

*The absolute worst is that dope Kanye West.

Blogger Miss Alex As Super Hero Wonder Woman.

Hey. Check out my New York reader Miss Alex from the blog Fonzie Sox dressed as Wonder Woman. Nice.

Do Not Eat. Reading Terminal Market. Food. Philly.

Look at this picture that I snapped in front of some restaurant at the Reading Terminal Market in Philly. It shows some food and the sign says, "PLEASE DO NOT EAT THIS SAMPLE!!!"

Isn't this just asking for some wise ass - like me - to take a big ole' bite out of it or steal it and sprinkle a few crumbs on the plate? Then leave a note on the plate that said, "SORY, I KAN NOT REED".

I think it would more effective if they just put unappetizing things around the food to deter people. Like fake bugs or urinal cakes. I don't know.

I Will Be At Duffers in Glen Mills Tonight If Anyone Wants To Meet Me.

You read that right. I will be going to Duffer's Tavern in Glen Mills, PA* tonight with my friend Ron.

The band tonight is Hake and Jarema. Would you like to come out and meet me - Dr Zibbs? It might be a little short notice for the people that would have to get a flight, but for those closer, I'll be getting there about 7.

If you think you'll be going, let me know in the comments section. I will have my Blackberry so I'll make sure to check the comments. To get my attention, stand at one of the corners of the large bar and stretch. A few times. I will keep my eye out and then I will approach. You will then be free to buy me drinks and we'll have many, many laughs.

Just imagine. What you've been waiting for just might happen. Now get in the shower and clean yourselves up.

* That's a picture of Duffers above. It should be more crowded then what you see in the picture.

The Patty Duke Show And Song Idea For My Chester County Band.

I don't have a band. Yet. But when I do, I'd like to do a cover of The Patty Duke Show theme.

When we tour, I think it would be great to have ugly twins from each city come out and dance while the song plays. I'm talking some really freaky looking twins where you look in horror and ask, "You mean there's TWO of you??

Maybe we'll make fun of them on the big screens that they won't be able to see while they're dancing.

I'm not sure yet. I'll work out that detail after I learn how to play an instrument.

Look At That Alpaca At The Village At Saint Peters. What A Fool.

Do you see what I see? That's no llama folks. That ridiculous looking creature is an alpaca. I took this picture in October when I was at the Octoberfest at The Village at Saint Peters here in PA.

If I were an alpaca I'd be embarrased. Honestly, I'd rather be a goat. I'm not kidding. Look at him just staring ahead. And the llama in the background is looking the other way. Probably wants no association with this clown.

Crawfish PoBoy, Restaurant, West Chester's Crawdaddy's.

Mmmm. Look at that Blackened Crawfish Poboy picture I just found on my computer from a year ago. I got that Poboy at Crawdaddy's Bayou Bar and Grill at 1215 West Chester Pike in West Chester. And I hereby declare that it was totally tasty. It was crawfish, lettuce, onion, tomato and some type of sauce (I think a mustard sauce) all packed into a bun.

Don't you wish you were eating it? Lets pretend together.

And for the gift giving planning, crawfish is one of my favorite foods.

Sammy Davis Jr, Shirt With Loop and Mr Bojangles.

You may not believe me but see the shirt that Sammy Davis Jr is wearing below while he sings Mr Bojangles? If that shirt had some huge, orange horizontal stripes it would have been a shirt that I had in 3rd grade.

Of course Sammy's zipper must be broken because look how unzipped it is. Hmmmm. And I swear my sister had that belt.

So this is the Friday send off song for this week. And the shout outs go to:

Andrew Rodriguez from the blog Arod 138 in Beautiful West Chester, PA for his hysterical comment on today's post about falling down. Check out his blog for some great pics of West Chester and it's famous Gay and High Streets that I always blab about.

Rachel from the blog Reservation For Six also for her great comment today which was about her husband falling down the steps while imitating her being pregnant.

Son of a Thomas from the blog Son of a Thomas - He used to blog but closed his blog and has started recently under a new name. He's very funny. He's going to be holding a contest next week so go check his blog out and become a follower so you don't miss out on the fun. Maybe the prize is an Iphone? Who knows? I don't.

And for the ladies and my gay readers, look closely at Sammy's junk in this video. You can kind of make out the shape of his package. And if my eyes aren't playing tricks on me, it looks like he has it pointed upward to the heavens. Am I seeing thing?



171 followers strong.

Global Warming Minus Less Snow Equals Less People Falling.

The one downside of global warming - if it's even true - is that there's less snow. And less snow mean me seeing less people slip and fall. And that makes my heart sad.

Here are three falls that have happened to me.

Age 4 - I was sleeping at my Nana's house and she said that my feet were dirty so I needed to roll up my pajama pants and rinse my feet off before bed. When I was in the tub I decided that I wanted to try and surf on the soap. Just in case you want to try, it's pretty much impossible. Ahhhhhh!

Age 23 - Leaving a Halloween party with my date (I was dressed as a woman), we run into some people I know that were coming into the party. I started hamming it up by doing a really white trash dance, pulling up my skirt and doing the old hands pulling up the hair move. I must have slipped on the high heel and my knee popped out of its' socket and I fell backwards, breaking a wooded fence and a $300 camera I had borrowed from my date's bother. WHOOOOOAAAA!

Last year - My daughter left the conditioner bottle open in the tub so while I was taking a shower, the dangerous, slippery fluid was seeping out of the bottle. Like a carefree cowboy unaware that a rattlesnake is at his ankles, I turn off the shower and reach for by towel. Still whistling my tune.....YAAAHHHHH-NOOOO!

I fall halfway out of the tub. When the fall was over my legs were in the tub, the top of my body was on the outside of the tub. I had a black and blue mark the size of a Frisbee.

(Trumpet with plunger over it) WA WA WA.

Care to share any spills you clumsy asses took?

Worst Fake Fall Ever Captured on Film. Youtube Gold.

So the other day I gave you the worst dancing in a video ever. Then I treated you to the worst fight in a TV show ever....

I now give you the worst fake fall ever. Hands down. Biggest phony baloney fall ever caught on film. Watch closely as the black lady walks by the old white lady and taps her on the back of the head.



And you know the people that know the lady that fell were like, "Oh Mable! Get the hell up! Don't even try it. She does that at least once a month you know."

And if you really want to laugh, click on the link and look at the comments that the racist viewers on Youtube left. To read them, click here.

Ear Nose And Throat Doctor. What The Hell Is That Picture?

So I had to bring my son to the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor yesterday because he's been getting nose bleeds. The doctor had to cauterize his nose which means he had to break the blood vessel a few times. In case you're wondering, I was very brave during the whole procedure. I found that if I didn't look it made it easier.

So the nurse brings us into the examination room for the 25 minutes wait. And sitting on the table is this horrifying picture*:

If I was an Ear, Nose and Throat nurse and a patient was being a dick, when I brought the person to the room I would say,

"Oh - don't be startled by that picture, it's extremely rare that you're going to end up looking like that. Only 1% - 2% end up looking like that. OK between you me it's more like 5% -10% depending on the doctor's mood. But that's still low. Don't you think?"

*If a nurse walks in while you're snapping a picture in an examination room, immediately put your hands up and say, "Not stealing anything." If you don't, they might think you were trying to steal some of the instruments.

Worst Fight Scene, Kirk, Star Trek

So the other day I showed you the worst dancing in a music video ever. Now I'll show you the worst fight scene in a TV show. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek.

And I can't for the life of me remember the name of the monster he's fighting here. All I know is that when I was in Vegas a while ago this monster was there in one of the hotels. I think it was Harrahs. There's a nerdfest Trek restaurant there.

Cojo? Get The Hell Off Of My TV! Stupid Fashion Jerk!

Oh really Cojo? You think that a few accoutrements make any woman's outfit come to life in a snap? You're the authority on clothes? Then why are you wearing clothes that only a chick would wear?

(Me pushing him down steps) Who gives a crap you pumpkin faced girl! And what man has sculpted eyebrows like that? (Shoves mirror in his face) Look at yourself! Did I give you permission to speak? Shut up! If I see your stupid faux cheerful act on my TV one more time I swear to God I'm coming after you with an ax!

That is all.

"I Almost Crapped My Pants" - A True Story.

So I've seen a few stories about people crapping their pants on various blogs lately and to show that I'm as human as the next guy, I will share this story. Below is the story if I had written it in a diary on a train.

Dear Diary,

The meeting in New York at Avon went great today. My product presentation went as planned and Marketing did a great job as well. They even had me go through a soon to be released catalog and asked me to brainstorm ideas for some line extensions. They were impressed.

Yeah. Perfect until IT happened. We left the meeting and went to lunch. And as we're walking back to Penn Station...this is embarrassing but I had the sudden feeling like I was going to shit my pants! What Diary? No you can't just "go into a building and go to the bathroom in New York you hay seed".

All of the buildings have security, plus we were late for the train and I didn't know that new chick from Marketing well enough to tell her that I need to get to a bathroom because I'm going to shit my pants.

Trust me, the situation went from bad to code red. I was thinking about lies that I could say,

"A friend of mine works here. I'm just going to catch the next train to Philly. Yeah I know we all drove from the office to the train station. It's OK. I'll just walk the 45 miles home from Philly."

I swear I found religion that day because I was praying to whoever would listen that if they got me through this, I'd be a better person. I had to. There would have been no hiding it. I was about to explode. I was thinking that if it happened, I would say that I have cancer. What? People with cancer don't lose control? I don't know! Did I tell you that it was a code red? And I couldn't think straight?

So as we're walking, I'm trying to look for any building that I could duck into. I'm saying, "Please, please, please don't let this happen! PLEASE!" And I'm starting to sweat. I hardly ever sweat!

Anyways, it was a miracle because somehow, someway, things subsided. The bubbling stopped. I'm now sitting on the train. Safe. And will now have a greater respect for life. And I will try to be a better person and...HEY...look at that bum with the Mr T shirt!...Bwahahahahahhaa.

Coatesville Fires, Arson and The Bloodhound Gang.

What motivates someone to be an arsonist? The big story here in the Philly suburbs is the string of fires that have been set in Coatesville since January 1. There have been 17 fires. 17! Nobody has been hurt thankfully.

Don't worry, I'm about 10 miles from Coatesville and I rarely go there because its pretty dumpy. The downtown that is.

Last week the Guardian Angels arrived in an attempt to help and Coatesville has just declared a State of Emergency. Unbelievable. I hope they catch the dopes that are setting these fires. My guess is that the Coatesville fires are being set by gangs. Gangs in Chester County. Ridiculous.

And I mean no disrespect but everyday when I pick up the paper and read about the arson, "Fire Water Burn" AKA "The Roof is on Fire" song by The Bloodhound Gang goes through my head. So here it is.

Tell me this isn't a catchy song. Go ahead. I dare you.

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin. An Exclusive Glimpse Into My Bedroom.

I like to show my lady that I still think she's sexy by giving her as little privacy as possible when she's nude. You know, so I can leer at it and make comments about how sexy it is and the things I want to do to it. Like when she's in the shower for instance, I'll sometimes open the curtain quickly and say, "A-HA!" or "What's going on in here?"

Or this morning.

Wife comes in bedroom after shower, puts on panties then starts putting lotion all over her supple, Italian body. I wait in the semi darkness with one eye creepily peering out from under the covers.

Me: (In deep voice) And then the lotion show began.

Wife: What? You want me to have soft skin don't you?

Me: Do you need some help applying the lotion on the upper areas. Right there. On those things.

Wife: Will you stop?

Me: Stop (pause)...or go?

Smooth operator.

The Whitest People In The World Dancing. The Video.

I hope you're prepared because you won't believe your eyes with what you're about to witness. Here is a video I found on the Youtube with possibly the worst dancers I've ever seen in my life. If bad dancing were art, this might just be the Sistine Chapel.

It's some Swedish pop group but what you should be looking at are the dancers. Be sure to watch this one until the end to see some of their horrendous mighty white people dance moves. You won't believe your eyes.

Can you do some of those dance moves? Go ahead. Get up from your computer and give it a try. Don't forget to stretch first. And make sure nobody is looking.





By the way, the song's called, "I Want To Love You Tender".

Listen To This Voice Mail - The Sistas On My Snapvine.

Do you want to HEAR something funny? You heard me right. You must listen to my Snapvine recorder now. The message is from Sista #1 and Sista #2 from the blog Holy Crappers. #1 lives in the burbs of Philly and #2 lives in sunny, sunny Florida.

They left me the voice message that you can hear on my Snapvine Recorder (see my sidebar) and I've got to tell you that I sat with a shit grin on my face while I listened to it a few times. Hysterical! It's ego stroking goodness made my day.

I think it's great that they had the courage to leave me - Dr Zibbs - a message. You see, I'm a person just like you. I put my pants on the same way. One leg at a time. Unless I'm doing my imitation of that Brook Shields jean commercial. In that case, I'm on my back and I put both legs in at the same time. But you know what I'm saying.

The Sistas have been around since my early blogging days - June 2008. Before that, there were very few readers. Anyways, check out their message AND their blog. And why don't YOU consider leaving me a voicemail message.

Blogger Calls On Locals For Name Of Dr Exton. PA That Is.

For those not familiar with Exton, Pa, It's a few miles West of West Chester. And damn it, I'm in Exton all time. Especially at Exton at Main Street. I go to the Exton Barnes and Nobles, I eat the hot pastrami sandwich at Appetites on Main and I've even been known to sit in my car and laugh at the freaks that shop at the Exton Walmart.

That's why I'm asking West Chester, Exton, Fraser and Downingtown residents to insist that I be called Dr Exton. I'm even thinking about using the little ice house shown in this picture above as my headquarters. Except unlike Harold "Mr Exton" Martin that just has a boring rock to his name, I'll make sure my Dr Exton Icehouse always has at least two dwarves on duty*.

I will hand pick and personally train these dwarfs to tell the many tales of me "Dr Exton - AKA Dr Zibbs" and the many adventures I've had in Exton. Just my stories of the Exton Drive-In alone can fill a day. And some of the stories get a little bit blue - if you know what I mean.

Thanks for you support.

*Go ahead, click on the picture to enlarge it and pretend that you've just taken a bus from Tennessee to visit the Dr Exton Icehouse. As an excercise, write out some of the things you've learned and which dwarf you liked better. Was it Ernie? Or was it Mike?

You've Got To Read This Post

So I gave Vic a shout out the other week and just recently started reading her blog but this post made me almost fall off my chair. She's got some funny stuff over there.

She really has a great style of writing. They call that the "voice" for you dummies.

Super Bowl, Dr Pepper and Youtube Soda Commercial.

So here's another commercial that won't be on during the Steelers Cardinals Super Bowl today - one of the old Dr Pepper commercials with David Naughton.

I used to break into the Dr Pepper dance all the time to annoy people. Haven't done it in years. I think I need to put that back into my arsenal.

I wonder if they'll ever do a remake and call me to star in it? I'll do it in a second but my moves would be a little less gay and there's no way I'd have Popeye popping up at the end.

What's that about?