Good & Plenty Commercial

Here's an old commercial for Good and Plenty candy with a catchy tune. When I was little, some kid showed me how to blow into the box and make it whistle. His name wasn't Charlie .

Fainting Goats Video? I Heard THAT

Do you know that there are goats that get SO nervous that they actually faint? It's true. They'll be running, then maybe they'll see another goat that's about to steal their favorite tin can they just hid behind a tree and they were saving the tin can for a well deserved treat later and BAM. Their legs lock up out of bad nerves and they fall down. They're also called Myotonic Goats.

Oh yeah. And get this. Their origin appears to be traced to the hick state of Tennessee. Who would of guessed? This video shows them:

American Bandstand To Start Your Sept Weekend

I'm about to become a dancing fool this weekend while I try to unwind and contemplate my presidential run. And what better way than to walk out the door like George Gallo to this Barry Manilow song? Now, you have to watch this because you're gonna think - OK, this guy is just dancing like an idiot to this gay song. But wait. At about 44 seconds in he jumps into what I like to call "Style -n- Sass"* with his hands in his pockets. You be the judge:



Also, for those Chester County residents that want to meet me?... (or - who knows - those who may want to fly in - hoping to meet me) - I'll probably be at the Kennett Square Mushroom Festival tomorrow. I'll be wearing jeans or shorts.

* "Style-n-Sass" - if interested in licensing this phrase I just made up, please contact me. I have very low guarantees and royalty rates are very competitive. Serious inquiries only. NO BEAUTY PARLOURS!

Great Republican Convention Gift - PA Shop Has It

"Crackleberry Farm Antique Mall? I aint' goin' thar."

Well you sir may be a fool because if you're traveling west from West Chester and Chester County on Route 30 in PA, it's only a short ride until you hit Paradise, PA. You didn't read that incorrectly. We're talking Amish country. 20-30 minutes from modern civilization.

And you would think with the Amish, with their fear of electricity, Eskimos and things that click that the only they have for sale or barter would be pie tins, doily and frilly fabrics and drawings of "the English" enjoying funnel cake. That's where YOU are wrong. Because on a recent visit there, I found the proof. A good ole' fashion Richard M. Nixon shower nozzle (see picture above).

I'm sure its not too late to have this baby shipped overnight for your lady at the RNC. Go for it.

In case you want to call and see if the Nixon is still there, the phone number is: 717-442-8805.

Important Internet Blogger Donates Time For Word Generation

There is a campaign to eliminate the use of a certain word from usage in our language. I stumbled upon it today. I think it's time that everyone make the pledge. That's when I'll proudly step in and give the world five new choice replacements. A synonym if you will. And you can trust me that I just won't replace the first letter with a "W". That would be too easy.

To see the word, and imagine my reaction when opened the page, click the words: What if we say it in a funny way though?

(and 5 points to the first reader that understands how the picture relates to the story)

Piper Palin Uses Wet Hand As Baby Brush - The Video

Piper Palin Licks Hand Video I believe is going to be the title of this DVD when it hits the stores. Although I'd prefer: Trig - the Wet Down. The following is a clip and highlight of this memorable event from the 2008 Republican National Convention when young Piper Palin licked her hand then used it to style her brother's hair.


(Warning: Alaskan grooming habits may be shocking to residents of the continental United States).

PA Blogger and Candidate Responds To Palin Speech

As people in the know know, I've thrown my sombrero hat into the 2008 presidential ring, the following are my random comments -as a contender -while watching Sarah Palin at RNC:

- Cool dame. Looks good. Nice skin.

- Not a huge fan of the bang swoop tonight.

- When I put on my plastic surgeons hat, I'd say that she needs a very slight nostril reduction.

- The width of her son's tie is circa 1974. And it's loose.

- Future son-in-law thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?"

- She still reminds me of Edith Prickly/Edna Boyle (SCTV - Andrea Martin).

- Uses word "haberdasher"? Puuu-leese.

- Youngest daughter petting head of baby. Licks her hand and then pets. What the?

- She's a straight talker.

- John McCain's mom has freakishly ENORMOUS ear holes. "Maam it looks as if a wasp flew into your ear, let me just reach in with my doctorly, manly hand and get it out...here we go...OK. It's out. ..I got it. ..What?...You didn't feel that?"

- Who thought to have the huge liberty bell souvenir that I got on my 6th grade class trip on the screen behind her?

Job well done.

West Chester Blogger Inspires Others

BREAKING NEWS: The famous blogger "Anonymous" who leaves comments on this blog, Falwless's and others has started his own blog.

You might remember his hysterical comments in the comments section of this blog. One comment was a rant about "Bubble Up.".... - parts of it inspired me to write an original post about Bubble Up? Some claim I lifted it word for word. It's so long ago - who really remembers? I for one don't. It's like if one caveman accidentally made fire and stood around like a dope and the other resourceful fella' actually decided to do something with it - like BBQ a saber-toothed tiger over it.

Anyways, to view his blog, click the words: I need help spending all the Bubble Up royalty checks.

(and don't give the little guy any hassles. I mean, there's no pictures and only two blogs on the blogroll - but it's a start).

Chester County Presidential Candidate Searches For Running Mates

Hello my fellow Americans. As you know, I've tossed my hat - a multicolored sombrero with kickass 3 foot peacock feather into the presidential arena. That's right, like L and S, I like to do it my (our) way. I could announce, like a fool , a running mate. Instead, I need three running mates. Yup. Double the pleasure - plus 1 (that's what she said).

Please leave your suggestion for running mates in the comments. They may be considered. On the short list so far are Chim-Chim, Charo and Buddy Hacket.

In the mean time, go to the post below to see the amazing story - in video format - about my 2008 run for the whitehouse.

"Dr Zibbs - watch out sucka' - I'm onna get ya!" (this means you Barack and McCain)

West Chester Blogger Running For President!

I'm a bit shy about it, but Gwen, from the world famous blog, "Everything I Like Causes Cancer" has outed me. I.Am.Running.For.President.

This is breaking news and for how much I hate to steal the fire from Obama, McCain and all the other dopes - the time is now. My campaign slogan: "Dr Zibbs - watch out sucka' -I'm onna get ya!"

See the video here: http://www.inews3.com/topstory.php?id=44722e205a696262737c4f66205468617420426c75652059616b

Confession Monday - And WCASD Schools Open

I thought the opening day of school in the West Chester Area School District would be a good time to start TBY Confession Mondays. The theme of today's confession?:

Accidents in school. Here's mine:

In 1st grade, at Ithan Elementary School in Wayne, PA (Radnor Township School District). I wet my pants. As it happened, the kids around me stared with curiosity and pulled their desks away. The teacher was good with discreetly shuffling me off to the nurse.

The next day, nobody said anything except for this one jerk who was stopping older kids in the hall and saying, "He wet his pants. HEY. He wet his pants."

West Chester Blogger Goes After Lawrence Welk

So I'm doing my Labor Day pre-party warm up of watching Lawrence Welk videos and I stumble across the most curious thing. Remember that great game I invented that's going to be in stores soon? You know, Words, Voice Motions? Well, one of the examples I use in the game is called "Feathering" (as in feathering/lightly tickling the scrotum/nads).

Well guess what, at about 32 seconds into this video, Bobby performs this exact "motion" on Cissy King chin. Could any of you lawyers out there tell me if I may have a case?

Flight of the Conchords And How to Pick Up Chicks

Whenever I write a song that's gonna try and help me pick up the ladies, I write a singing part in for a friend. Kind of like how the Flight of the Conchords do in this song called "If You're Into It." (Although the theme is VERY similar to Tenacious D's "Double Team").

Dummy...Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

People have wars over the most absurd things. One minute you're having a fun filled conversation - the next your slappin' someone upside da head. The arguments can arise from anything:

Does Sarah Palin look more like Tina Fey or Edith Prickley?

Did the Jesus kill the unicorn in the garden of Eden or did it escape using it's powerful horn?

Is that garment Kim Jong-Il is wearing a shirt or a jacket?

We all know the answers are Prickley, escape and shirt, but is it worth dying for? I ask, "Why can't we be friends?" Now shut up dummy and enjoy this classic:

Hawaii Five-O Inspires West Chester Youngster

My friend "the Child", started playing the Trumpet in 7th grade at North Junior High (now Peirce Middle School) for two reasons. One, was so he could play the Star Trek theme. The other, was so he could play the theme song of Hawaii Five O. Here's the video. And check out the kick ass camera edits. To see the video click the words: Tasty touch.

I'll Be Struttin' My Stuff Into This West Whiteland Party With Foghat

.....and little more fresh hot pepper from the That Blue Yak Vegetable Garden of Hope ....yup - that should do it.....Oh Hi. I was just finishing up making one of my mind blowing chili's that I'll be bringing to a party tonight. The downside is that it's a surprise party which means by definition, it won't be "all about ME." Which is unfortunate because over 100 people are expected. Some of them don't even know me - or my charms. But they will. It's just gonna take a little bit of elbow grease.

To give myself a memorable grand entrance, I'm gonna first call, pretending I'm the police and complain about the noise, "You need to keep the noise down".

I'll wait about five minutes then I'm then gonna put speakers outside of my car, and when I strut my junk in, I'm gonna be blaring this song. If you look at 43 seconds into the video, you'll get a little sneak peak as to what the guests will be doing.

Someone will say, "Zibbs, the police just called and said we had to keep it down."

I'll look at that person and say, "Problem solved" (I'll be holding the receiver of a phone - cord a danglin'). Someone tosses me a beer and I open using the teeth of a buck toothed gentleman that hopefully will be lingering around the buffet table.

Some chick will ask, "Who is that guy?"

Using a my catlike agility and a trick that Chris Angel taught me in Vegas, I'll suddenly be behind her - I'll tap her on the shoulder and say, "The question is - who AREN'T I?" (head tilted and brow raised). It'll make no sense but boy will it leave an impact.

I could tell you the rest, but honestly, I'm gonna ad lib the rest. That's just the my style. All I know, it's gonna be a slow ride.

Rip Taylor Lives On In This Corny Stand-up Video

I don't think he's dead yet by he still lives on. For how stupid comedian Rip Taylor is, I still can't help from laughing at him. I mean - who can forget the $1.98 Beauty Pageant? C'mon people. If you like stupid, corny jokes told by a feminine guy with a toupee on Norm Crosby's Comedy Shop, you'll love this clip. To view it, click the words: Let's get laughin'.

1970's Am Radio Ideal Commercial - Philly and NJ

"It's not a fancy salon - it's just a quonset hut." If these words sound familiar, you listened to AM radio in the Philly and New Jersey area in the 1970's. This radio spot was on all the time. The classic line was, "Take the wheel of you automobile and swing on down to....Ideal."

Apparently it was on Route 30 - the White Horse Pike in Jersey in Hammonton. Even though my mom had a passion for fashion AND a craving for savings, I don't think we ever went there. It probably had something to do with the quonset hut - it sounds too foreign and different.

To here the song, click the word SAVINGS

You Love My Song, Now Enjoy The Can

Chester County To Hear Premier of Bubble Up This Weekend

I enjoy taking my mp3 recorder to the local WalMart. When I run into a shopper that appears worthy, I ask in question form:

"Bubble Up?"

They in return respond in question form: "Bubble Up?"After 20 or 30 interactions with the public I now have GOLD!!!With some quick editing skills and an uncanny sense of rhythm, I now have a catchy little tune that goes something like this;

Bubble up
(pause)
Bubble up, bubble up, bubble up

2-3-4

Bubble up (pause)
Bubble up, bubble up, bubble up

2-3-4.

In the near future, I will take my 1980's boom box, hoist it high upon my shoulder and march down the street with the whimsical "Bubble Up" song playing loudly as children and woodland creatures gather too me.

Much like the famed Pied Piper.

All will be amazed as I become the talk of the town.

PLEASE READ IMPORTANT LEGAL INFORMATION ABOUT THIS POST IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.

West Chester Blogger Endorses Missing Palmer West Video

One of the bloggers on my blogroll is JDizzle from the blog Hometown Hangover. She's the one I mentioned that's from West Chester but we've never met. Anywho, she and her husband did this unbelievable stop motion video for a band called Missing Palmer West (they even have a cello* in the band). They just performed in Philly. I'm about 95% sure that her husband is the singer.

Anyway, the song is very touching. That's correct, I DON'T have a heart of black coal. It sounds a bit like the Beatles but there's another group that it reminds me of that I can't place. Let me know in the comments who you think they sounds like.

So go check out the TBY endorsed video and don't forget to tell her Zibbs sent you. To view it click: here.

*Look at the picture of the cello above. Knowing that the picture is undoctored, look at what the one area is called. Yup. The "F-hole."

West Chester Blogger Shares Steps to Building Memorable Characters

..speaking of old people, the characters portrayed in the last post were actual real people that I saw in the Exton Kmart last week. I never met these old people, I just saw them there. I'm not kidding. Never met them but I was still able to get inside their heads and turn words into character that "jump off the page".

You my friend are about to get a free lesson on how to create memorable characters in a blog post. Here's how you can get some of the boring characters YOU write about in your posts "come to life".

1) Always, always carry a camera, tape recorder, note pad and release forms.

2) Go to a mall or Kmart. These places are full of freaks from all walks of life. And these future characters of yours will be gabbin' about all kinds of things. "I think the sale said it goes until Friday" is what you might hear from someone. Write this gem down. When you get home, review what you've heard and try replacing the words with different words. It's that simple. How about:

"I think the GIANT BIRD said it goes until Friday."

"I think the sale said it goes until MARTIN LUTHER KING'S BIRTHDAY."

(See? It's like mad libs but easier).

3) What if you see some weird looking guy but he's just not talking? How are you going to turn this guy into blog gold when he hasn't said a word? I never said this was going to be easy. You, yes you need to GET him to talk. Turn on your voice recording device and try this.

You: You've won!
Muse: Won what?
You: You'll see. (flee the scene).

4) Draw a few rough sketches of how your characters walk. When at home, piece these sketches together and live that walk through practice. Forgot to number the order on the sketches? No problem. Imagine some of the quirks your character might have now! You might even have created a crazy walking creature from scratch!

5) Live the life of the characters you've created for at least a day. Don't break character. Remember that pickle joke post? I wore a green leotard and cape around for a day. Sure it looked ridiculous and you look like a fool at a wedding but WHO CARES?

OK. That's it for now. Give it a shot and let me know some the techniques you've tried.

West Whiteland Moving Truck Nonsense

Jokes on the road should be illegal*. I snapped this picture in West Whiteland the other day. It's a moving truck with the image of a guy waving, decaled on the back. Do you think that old people ever see this moving truck and this happens:

Edna: Oh my God Ernie, that young man's gonna fall out of that truck!

Ernie: What? Hey he can't do that!

Edna: You better stop at a phone booth to call the 911.

Ernie: (leaning out window) HEY YOU. ENOUGH OF THE HORSE PLAY!

Edna: Don't taunt him. He might have a knife.

Ernie: Knife-smife. That guy is creating a hazard on the road. PULL OVER!

Edna: Oh my God he's stopping.

Ernie: That smart aleck is smiling. What's he smiling at?

Edna: Oh my God he's probably selling something. ERNIE DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!

*One time I was driving down the road and glanced over at a truck and there was a rubber leg hanging out as "a joke". I swear my heart almost stopped.

Orange (Grapefruit) You Glad I Didn't Say Nipple?

When someone mentions an oddity concerning their nippleage in a blog post, the only thing one can do is pester them in the comments area until they get grapefruits and put their visual aids where their mouths (aureoles) are.

(On a side note before I continue: the more my readers mention me, Dr Zibbs, in their blog posts, the more we all win. And the more the terrorists don't win).

To see what the hell I'm even talking about, read this excellent post by my great blogfriend Gwen. To be transported to this land, clicky the words: wacky wafer.

Yikes - 100 Things To Do Before You Die Author Dies

Dave Freeman, the author of 100 Things To Do Before You Die, died today. He was only 47. He died after hitting his head on the floor in his home. This is not only unfortunate for him, but for me because I don't even have a bucket list! That's it. I'm starting one now. Freestyle. No editing. Here are the top 10 I'm making up:

1) Have hardwood floors in my home covered in foam or feathers.

2) Make and eat the first Ostrich-tur-duck-en-hen-shrimp. (It's like a Turducken but has an ostrich as it's outer shell, and inside the chicken can be found a cornish game hen and a plump juicy shrimp - paint a smiley face on the shrimp as a sign of accomplishment and to add a bit of whimsy to the meal).

3) Fake my death and then when someone is talking about me jump up and say, "AHAAAA!"

4) Make love to a tree.

5) Walk up to people that are in the middle of a conversation and get 2 inches from their faces and start start saying, "BABABABABABA".

When they say, "This is preposterous".

Say, "No your face is" and judo flip them.

6) Spit on a camel.

7) Run with the bulls but instead of bulls, use people with deformed hands and instead of running, ride a motor cycle. And instead of them chasing me, chase them.

8) Be on a sitcom and have a catch phrase like, "I've heard of boners but this is ridiculous" (look at camera and cross eyes).

9) Find the most boring lecture happening nearby and when the guy is talking, walk up and kick him in the nuts. Then say, "Time to take out the garbage" and have two muscle men carry him out. Look at crowd and shrug shoulders. Pause for laughter.

10) Tell someone that is a part-time paranormalist that I'm going to give them funding to go full time. Then, after they quit their job and ask for the money, tell them, "Sorry, a ghost ate it."

Who's The Birthday Boy That Looks Taller On August 26?...

It's August 26. Do you know who's birthday it is? Ernest Borgnine? Nope - guess again. Ramesses II? Not even close. Do you give up? OK I'll tell you. Chris Burke was born today. I know....... you can't MAKE this stuff up but it's true. He was the young lad that played the retarded fellow in the show Life Goes On. It's one of those shows like I Dream of Genie or the Munsters, that once you buy into the concept, you're hooked. Imagine. A retarded person, walking around. Uncaged. Strolling through town and bouncing a ball with one hand. I wish I were a fly on the wall when that show was being pitched.

According to Wikipedia Britannica, after graduating high school, Chris got a job as an elevator operator. I shit you not. Could you imagine? You're done your exhausting day, your boss was yelling at you, it's hot as hell and the elevator door opens. You step in.

Chris: Hi Dr. Zibbs same number floor as everyday or do you want me to push another number today?

Zibbs: (stone faced) No Chris. Same floor. Ground.

Chris: That's the "G". It's all numbers then it goes "G" for ground "B" for basement.

Zibbs: Yup.

Chris: (cleverly discovering concept on his own) I wish they had a "D" for Disneyland. Do YOU wish they had a "D" for Disneyland?

Zibbs: (half listening) Yup.

Chris: I asked Miss Kathy if I could write the "D" on the elevators' buttons but she said it's graffiti. But if I could, then we could go to Disneyland. Right Dr. Zibbs?

Zibbs: (starting to steam) Yeah Chris.

Chris: What rides would we go on if there was a "D" and we hit it?

Zibbs: Uhh. Ground.

Chris: No that's not a ride.

Zibbs: (patience lost) No that is a ride Chris.

Chris: Then it must be a new one because I was there one time. Is the ground ride near the Magic Kingdom or the Epcot Center or the Sea World?

Zibbs: It's in a whole new area of the park, I forget the name of it but why don't you use this elevator phone and dial "M". It's a direct hot line to Mickey. You can ask him.

Chris: Because Miss Kathy said to only use that phone if there's a fire.

Zibbs: No. I just saw her. She said she wanted me to tell you to call Mickey...And that there's a fire.

Chris: She did? OK.

Now this is where it gets complicated because you have two options, turn around and mouth the voice of Mickey as he talks OR have a friend rig up the phone so the friend can talk from a hidden room as Mickey. It's a tough call. With faking the voice while turning around, he's probably going to know it's you. If you rig the phone, you've got to buy all that radio shack shit and get into all of the zoning and safety issues.... Who knows, he may be of legal age but in retarded years he's not - so depending on what state you're in you need the parental permission forms....

Forget it. If you want to waste your day doing this, I'll give you the idea. For free. Run with it. While you work through those complicated logistics. I'm going to spend my valuable Chris Burke birthday time calling him up and pretending I'm a monster.

Why Not to Wear Clothes Out of Your Comfort Zone

It's kind of sad (funny) when people try to reinvent themselves by wearing one piece of clothing or sport a new accoutrement in the attempt to change their look. And it fails. Here are a few real life examples and the reactions that I've witnessed.

- New style: My friend Jim, who was listening to a lot of southern rock, came to the bus stop wearing a cowboy hat. I'm sure there was at least an hour trying different ways to position it on his head. "..and a little bit with the front tip leaning forward..yup that should do it."

Reaction: (Me. Staring with disbelief at hat): "Jim. you can't wear that to school." - said in the same tone I would have said, "Jim, don't jump off the bridge, people can't fly." The hat lasted until third period. It made it's shameful way home at the bottom of a gym bag. It was never spoken of again.

- New Style: In 11th grade, (1981), two preppy football players pulled the ultimate douchebaggery move by coming to school - both of them - wearing clogs.

Reaction: There was complete pandemonium in the cafeteria as they walked in. Word had spread. People in the back of the cafeteria that couldn't see these new exchange students - that looked exactly like two preps in our school except they were gay and from Holland ran up to catch a glimpse. Dumb jocks.

- New Style: Greaser wannabe dude in 7th grade dubbed himself "The Wizard", by writing, "The Wizard" and drawing a bunch of crescent moons, in blue pen on his denim jacket. Just like a unplanned school election poster, he ran out of room so the letters "r" and "d" were squashed and thinner than the other letters.

Reaction: This nickname starter, only succeeded in getting one person to call him the Wizard, In fact, in 12th grade, years after the Wizard jacket hung on a hanger in an attic, covered with spider webs and tears, the same lone person that called him the Wizard was still announcing, "Hey look everyone, it's the Wizard. Don't put a magic spell on me now Wizard. Where's your jacket Wizard?"

Lesson learned: Don't try to be different. Stay plain.

This Is Why Working Retail Sucks

Here's a great animated short called F**k the Humans by one of my favorite cartoon creators Brad Neely. I just read however that Super Deluxe, the site that owns these videos is going down in a few months. Damn shame.

(POTTY MOUTH LANGUAGE ALERT - turn speakers down or up - depending on your coolness or squareness)

Check Out This Monkey Video

Look at this orangutan. You'd think he's almost human by the stuff he does and the way he walks. Well, more like a dwarf but - you know what I mean. Watch Super Chill Monkey on his journey to a casting call.

My friend in Malvern is painting his house this weekend. If I can get my Jerry Lewis imitation down I'm totally pulling this Batman and Robin bit on his soon to be falling off the ladder ass. Hold on...Let me see if I got it down, "Uh Lady....Ladiee...Lay-deeee" ....Nope. Still needs some fine tuning.