I'm not too good at French but I believe the title above can loosely be interpreted as "The Triplets of Belleville". It's probably best to ask your French teacher though. You don't want to quote me on that and months later come back whining because everyone has been saying you're stupid.
Anyways, has anyone ever seen this? This is one of the weirdest videos. I love it. I especially love the tiny creatures and their dance moves. Especially the move where you lean forward, swinging your arms and kicking your legs back. Is there even a name for that? I've been doing that move for years and I'm a bit embarrassed that I don't even know what it's called.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I'm not too good at French but I believe the title above can loosely be interpreted as "The Triplets of Belleville". It's probably best to ask your French teacher though. You don't want to quote me on that and months later come back whining because everyone has been saying you're stupid.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Is anyone else sick of turkey at this point? I think I'll make some potato cakes but I'm done with the turkey for today. I was watching some Cuban cooking the other night on the Food Channel. Does anyone have any recommendations? I think I might make some on Sunday.
On another note, a friend of mine asked me to go see a band at Sly Fox Brewery in Royersford last night. I was still too stuffed from eating more turkey that I declined. I didn't feel too lame as I did go out Wednesday. Last night I ended up watching the Bio channel marathon of classic TV. Brady Bunch and Laverne and Shirley were the standouts. You gotta love Squiggy.
Friday, November 28, 2008
OK. I was simply searching the stampede that happened at the New York Walmart on today's Black Friday and came across this video. I'm in no way saying that what happened was at all funny, but the dude that put music up to this video was... you see....he was....never mind. I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead.
That's just Yakety Sax wrong.
So the other day I was on Chele's blog - the Tambourine Queen, and she had this video of when she was a Pop Singer in Thailand. I can't get this song out of my head and I've been singing (babbling) the lyrics the last few days. My distorted version goes, "Na gabba gabba gy mca Gobba Gabba Giy..." but since the version below has the lyrics, I'll be working on my pronunciation. You'll see.
When the Youtube video starts, Chele is the 2nd one from the left on the top . Maybe she can clarify what this group is because I know her group was called Jamp so Teen8 GradeA is the song. I guess.
To see the live version with the 1000's of screaming fans, check out her post here. You won't believe the frenzied fans!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I hate all kinds of music. Food is gross. Rumer Willis has a pretty face. These are things that I've never heard anyone say. And then there's this. Honestly, what is your reaction to this. I'm speechless.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I used to compile look alike pictures that I'd find in newspapers and magazines and keep them in a photo album called "The Look Alike File". It was lost for five years, then I found it. It was like finding a hundred dollar bill. My favorite was the look alike for my friend Jim. It was Orvil Redenbacher's grandson. Man was he pissed.
I also like to spot look alike celebrities. The best part about spotting a look alike famous person is the satisfaction I get when I point out the look alike to the person I'm with. But instead of just saying, "Hey, doesn't that guy look like Tom Bosley?", It'll go like this:
Me: I don't think this place looks like Arnold's at all do you? He must be confused.
Person I'm With: What?
Me: Well, somebody better tell him -(pointing to look alike) - because Richie's dad is never gonna find him in here.
If I'm at a bar, I like to say this to my friend right before I get up and leave for the bathroom so that by the time I'm out of site, they're sitting by themselves, giggling like a fool.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Ms Z: What speech?
But I'll accept this one. It's from Chris at Insane Thoughts and Insane Ramblings. He's been a longtime reader. Check out his Tennessee based blog. Good stuff including some good BBQ tips.
So the original instructions are here, and if you win, make sure to add your name and blog link on their blog. Because you know that when it comes to links, that's what it's all about. And of course the Hokey Pokey
Another thing I love is when people give me the respect that we all know I deserve. Even though I have this Elvis sized blog, it touches my tiny, dark heart when the little people mention my blog - or better yet, when they go above and beyond the call of duty. Take for instance the new blogger Scope. He had the smarts to make a really cool Christmas video featuring himself, Gwen and me. Check it out by clicking here.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I have to admit that I'm a little embarrassed wearing by my "Gas, Grass or Ass, No One Rides For Free" belt buckle around these days. The aged bronze buckle with 70's font looks so dated, and frankly, takes away from the message. If anyone hears of a current one in the pipeline by perhaps Hugo Boss or Thom Browne please let me know.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
In high school, one of the cars I used to drive was the Chrysler Cordoba. In addition to the huge V8 engine, one of the benefits was being able to say to the ladies, "Would you like to have a seat on my soft Corinthian leather?" Just try and tell me that Ricardo Montelban doesn't make the car seem pretty cool in this commercial. I dare you.
Except how much cooler would it have been if my best friend was a white tuxedo wearing midget who addressed me as, "Hey Boss" (pronounced: Both)? Yup. At least 5 times cooler.
So Sunday is our West Whiteland neighborhood's 4th annual beer exchange. Everyone (dudes only) will bring a cooler full of beer and we'll drink some of it while we watch the Eagles lose. When it's time to leave, you load up you cooler with various types of beer from the various coolers.
Does anyone want to give any suggestions? There are tons of things I like but maybe I'll use one of your suggestions. Except nothing wheat or lambic. And nothing like Pumpkin Ale either.
My preference would be an IPA, Stout or Porter.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Holy cow. Look there on the side bar. I've got 70 followers! And I think I love you. Most of you. So in honor of how huge I am, I'm going to be whipping up a little re-enactment of the famous Partridge Family Song, "I Think I Love you". Check it out and let me know if you'd like a part in this soon to be historic production. The following roles are already taken:
The dreamy Keith Partridge - Will be played by yours truly. Except I'm gonna "man it up a bit".
Ruben Kinkade - Will be played by Some Guy if agrees to shave his beard and wear elevator shoes.
The guy next to Ruben Kinkade - Will be played by McGone because he's one of the only readers that's a guy and has dark hair.
Danny Partidge - Will be played by Anonymous since he's such a huge fan of Danny Bonaduce (even though I just realized he's removed his blog. What up with that Anonymous?)
I think the most sought after roles will be the part of Lauri and the chick in the video hiding behind the streamers and admiring David Cassidy. I will be conducting private casting meetings in the near future so make sure you're all properly groomed , well rested and prepared.
Many people go about their lives bitching and complaining. They don't think how awful some people have it. A real life nightmare that I lived through happened this morning. I looked out the window and Chester County had a surprise snow storm. When I opened my car door, some of the snow fell on the seat and I actually sat on some of it. It gets worse. I didn't have a scraper so I had to use a rolled up newspaper. Then, to top it all off, the traffic was terrible*. I'm asking that everyone buy a mylar balloon to be released at exactly at noon today. If I look out of my window at 12:01 and see some balloons I may be able to carry on.
*Do you see that cemetery? It's the one on Route 100. You know, the one where I was singing and I may have ruined the fun that mourners were having at that funeral. I wrote about it in this post.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
While driving the other day, I was trying to make this face that Jerry Blank made one time while she was dancing. As I looked in the mirror I realized how unbelievably ugly it made me look. I know. Me? But while doing it I had an epiphany. With a few modifications, I think I've come up with the perfect expression that will make anyone want to break up with you.
First, here is the face. It's very important to look in the mirror while trying to master this look so you can get the full effect:
1) Using your tongue, push your lower lip out as far as you can. Kind of like when someone puts a piece of orange in their mouth.
2) Tilt your head slightly and do the thing where it looks like you don't have a chin.
3) Cross you eyes but only the slightest crossing you can do or else it will look like you're just making a joke.
4) Now shrug your shoulders. Stay with me. We're almost home.
5) Breath heavily from your nose and nod your head slightly.
6) Finally, very softly, every once in a while say, "Aww that's it. Yeah you got it."
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Yup. A fucking ugly monster. Holy shit. I'm getting skeeved out just thinking about you. Go ahead, sneak another peak.
Now the key is to use this expression during sex, when being introduced to his or her friends, and a few times a week when reading and you come across something interesting or slightly humorous. When asked why you're suddenly making this face, say nothing. Just silently shed a tear, walk briskly to a bathroom and lock yourself in.
Click here to see part one
Click here to see part two
I wonder who will be in the final two installments? Maybe it'll be you. Or you....Or even YOU!
Imagine the horror when I was flipping through the Bed, Bath and Beyond circular and I see this contraption for inserting stuffing into a turkey. It's called a stuffing cage. WHAT THE HELL? Is this is the most obscene food photo you've ever seen? Is there anyway to shove this thing inside a bird without moaning, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh! Owwww. Rub some more butter on my sides - it's too BIG!"
I'll be heading to my inventor's workshop* tonight to put together prototypes for two accoutrements for this turkey cage: Mini Drumstick Cuffs and Tom Turkey Ball Gag. I said it once and I said it before, "I'm gonna be rich!"
*To see one of my other inventions, click here.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Oh it's a big day here at That Blue Yak because I'm going to announce the winners of my Dr Zibbs is My Best Friend Contest. First of all, the winner gets to say to others "Dr Zibbs is my best friends." Now let's make it clear that in no way will I say or imply that YOU are my best friend because my 4 BFF's are:
- Falwless - because in June she wrote BFF next to my name on her blog roll.
- Lydia and Candy - Lydia asked if we could be best friends and Candy gave me an award for being BFF. It's official because it looked like a credit card.
- Gwen - Because everyone knows that we have the special blog bond. Not unlike the bond that Unicorns and trolls have in real life.
With that out of the way, the 3 runner ups are:
Amy (new commentor from the blog Mish Mash) - this one is about us going home on the bus together, roller skating and braiding each others hair. It had me cracking up. Go check it out.
Gwen - Because this scenario will probably happen someday.
Scope - (new blogger from the blog Scope Tech) -just had me laughing. I like the Pied Piper part.
And the winner is:
Poobomber for "A day in the life of you and I". Well done my friend. And in addition to writing the story, he later retold it using pictures of him and me (played by actor Bill Pullman). You can see this amazing photo essay here.
And I like to say that all of the other stories were great. Seriously, very good. Except for that dumb ass Bizarro Zibbs because he takes my name in vain and can't think of his own original name.
So good luck everyone and feel free to leave your acceptance speeches or whine in the comments area.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Blogging about cheesesteaks the other day got me thinking about another practical joke I did. Well, not really a practical joke, more of "pulling of someone's leg" I guess you would call it.
The Scene: Geno's Steaks (Cheesesteaks) in South Philly. It was over a holiday break from college. My friend Flare had brought his friend Woody from Georgetown to stay over his house for the weekend. After a night of drinking, we end up at Geno's Steaks in South Philly.
If you've never been to Geno's Steaks, it's a cheesesteak stand. At 3:00 on a Saturday night there can be 50-100 drunk people in line so you have to be prepared to order quickly. And if you don't order correctly they get pissed and yell at you. I can't stress enough that these people have no sense of humor. Think Soup Nazi but Italian and 300 pounds.
A correct way to order would be like this: Large steak wit wiz and onions (this means with cheese wiz and onions) and a large coke. The second after ordering you then walk down the line to pick up your order. When you're ordering, you have a pissed off thug looking back at you through a tiny window.
So Woody's heard what the ordering is like. He's a bit nervous about ordering so I explain the whole thing. Then, this happens right before he gets to the window:
Me: ..oh yeah. And there's one more thing. If you say, "City of Brotherly Love", you get free fries.
Cheesesteak Nazi: NEXT!
Woody: (Leans toward window nervously and starts order) ..Um yes...I'll have a large cheesesteak wit onions and wiz and a small coke. City of Brotherly Love.
Cheesesteak Nazi: (yelling order to cook) Large cheese wit onion and wiz!.....NEXT!
Me: He didn't hear you say the end part.
Woody: City of Brotherly Love.
Cheesesteak Nazi: (getting annoyed at Woody)..OK buddy ..NEXT!
Me: (Out of the corner of my mouth) No. You've got to yell it to the guy cooking or it won't count.
Woody: (leans his head inside the window) CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE! EXCUSE ME..CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE!
Cheesesteak Nazi: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!...NEXT!
Everyone inside and outside the place is looking at Woody. We move down the line to pick up our order. Woody looks a bit confused as to why everyone is looking at him.
Me: Oh yeah. I just remembered. That thing about the brotherly love? I just made that up.
What would you mail me if you were lucky enough to have my address?
Monday, November 17, 2008
OK. First of all, for the winners of my last contest, I didn't forget to mail your prizes. I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll do it shortly.
Now for my amazing new contest. It's called, The Dr Zibbs is My Best Friend Contest. Here's how it will work.
- Tell me in the comments section what a day would be like if you and I were friends. Would we fly off to a remote area in Greece and explore the land on donkeys? The funny looking donkey's that wear the straw hats with their ears peaking through? Would we drop milkshakes off of the second floor of a mall onto the heads of some jerks? Would we be getting it on? Would we eat BLT's but we'd do that thing where we kind of link arms around each other? Would we pull a heist? I'm talking excitement people.
- Once you leave a comment, are you done? What if you think of something better? Well, I will accept multiple submissions. Take as much space as you wish. In fact, the more detailed the scenario, the better your chance of winning.
- I will give everyone about a day, but once you see me write, "CONTEST CLOSED" in the comments section, it's officially closed. So don't start your bawlin'.
- I will pick three runner ups (losers). The prize will be me saying their name, out loud while sitting at my computer like this: "Blogger #5 is my friend". I will not record the vocalization and nobody will probably hear it, but you'll have my word that your name was said out loud by me - a very famous, rockstarlike blog celebrity.
And the Grand Prize Winner will receive at least 5 emails from me recapping a great day we really didn't have but we would have had if I really wanted to be friends with you. You're free to post these emails on your own blog - which will bring you tons of blog traffic - or simply print the emails out, cut then into the shape of hearts and rose petals and roll around in them. The choice is yours.
And one more thing, feel free to trash the ideas of other bloggers if you sense that their scenarios are full of shit.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
See that tree to the left? It's a Silver Maple. I have eight in my yard. They sure do drop a lot of leaves. Do you see that spot right there in my driveway? That's where my car was! Can you grasp what type of leaf situation I've got here? God it's going to take me forever to rake up all of those leaves. I wish I had someone to help me.....
OK dummies I know you can't take a hint so I'll just come out with it. I'm going to need everyone to help me pick these leaves up. I'm going to assign the following bloggers to be team captains:
Chris - Blue Team
Giggle Pixie - Plaid Team
Sista #2 - Team Bud
Enc - Team Armani
When you're finished, call me on my cell. I'll be at Victory Beer sucking back a few Storm King Stouts. Now get to work!
I've go to tell you that I really love some of these mashups that people have been putting on YouTube. If I weren't so lazy, I'd make one myself.
This Karate Kid mash up is so stupid that it's funny. The voice of Ralph Macchio is just absurd. And pretty funny appearance by Tony Danza.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Doc MaGrogans Oyster House - On Monday's they have $1 oysters and $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon Pounders. Awwww yeah!
Sprazzo Cafe -Great big comfy chairs on the second floor and free wireless. And this loft is perfect for spying down on the locals. I like to tap on the window when I see someone I know or would like to know then duck. (See the picture above). Next time I'm there I'd like to also look out the window creepily at someone and then when they tap their friends to look, I duck. Then of course take another peek once their friends stop looking but they take one more peak back. Oh yeah. And I might do that thing where you run your index finger across your neck like you're going to kill them. It depends on the person and what my lawyer advises.
West Chester Scoop - The new donut machine is visible from the big window out front. I like to put my nose against the window and stare at it, mouthing, "I'm hunnnnnnngry". I've been hoping to be shooed away with a broom but they don't seem to mind. Probably because it's me.
Starbucks - The one on Gay and High has these great comfortable mini chair couch things. The perfect seat for the midgets or people over 6'8".
New Haven Style Pizza - This Church Street Pizza place has great personal pan pizzas.
Barnaby's - The second floor bar is one of the coolest bars - for mood - in West Chester. I like their outside bar too.
The Square Bar - Best bar in West Chester for no frills relaxed fun. Even royalty like me feels at home. And best place to play American darts. You never know who you'll find there.
Burger King - Longest, most ridiculous wait for drive through ever. Bring a razor because by the time you get to the window you'll have grown a full beard.
The Rat - The Rat, across from WCU , has been closed for years now but at least 75 local people still have major bowel issues from their Thursday night 25 cents Genesee Cream ale special.
High Street Cafe - I had one of my best meals ever here. Blackened Tuna smothered with Crawfish Au gratin.
Iron Hill Brewery - Get a mug club card. The cost is $40. You get a point for every dollar spent. They start you with 200 points. Everytime you get 300 points you get a $25 gift card. You get to drink out of a special mug that's larger than the average pint but you only pay for a pint.
That's it for now.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Well it's the weekend so it's time as usual to start things out with a song. Here's another great video from Brad Neely that you have to watch. It's so funny that it makes me want to kill something! When you're done watching that, see below for a very serious weekend issue.
So here's the problem. A neighbor invited us to a local benefit. There's a silent auction and it's only $10 to get in. Light food and beer. But I just found out it's to benefit Special People - (raises one brow and talks a bit softer and slower) - you know what I mean by "special" don't you?
Well, you know that I have a fear of these special people. Sure, I discuss them from the safety of my blog but that doesn't mean that I need to interact with them in real life. I like lions too but you don't see me entering their cages. No. I'd rather safely poke them with a stick from the outside of the cage thank you.
So, does anyone have any ideas I can use to repel the Special People in case they want to approach me? And they will. Are there certain colors that they fear, a look I can cast or phrase to mumble to them? Something like, "Better get out of here. I heard there's a werewolf coming in here." Any tricks to give them the hint of "No thanks - move onto the next guy please".
I just have this crazy feeling that one of the Specials is going to see me from across the room and want to come over and hug me. Trust me. I've just got that look.
If you haven't heard of Brad Neely, get with it. Check out this video about the Future. It's from a website called SuperDeluxe. And it's kind of a shame because I read that they're closing down the site soon.
Warning: Contains language that is not safe for work or church. For those of you that are reading this at work or church, make sure to view it when you get home because it's a hilarious video.
Did you know that this week is National Children's Book Week? Years ago, I used buy books at sales and then sell the books on Amazon. It was kind of an obsesson. Along the way, I picked up a great amount of books for my own Zibbs library. One of the beauties is called, "Why Does That Man Have Such A Big Nose?"
The book is to help children understand that people are different. People come in all different shapes and sizes, wear different clothes and behave in different ways. I'm glad they explained that on the back cover because I thought it was a joke book. And for the record, I still think they should have called it, "Hey...Get a Load of Fatso!*"
*This is a quote from The Honeymooners where Norton and Ralph are planning to stage a fight, and this was the line that was to be used as a code. This is also a phrase that I say, usually to myself, when I see a fat guy. Except last week, I was getting pizza in Exton at Rocco's and I saw a fatty and I said it out loud. Luckily my car windows weren't down.
So a few days ago I told readers I would use my brain to help them with their problems. And can I just tell you that I was overwhelmed by the response? Carl in the mailroom could barely keep up. So I'll do a few posts over the next several days and answer some of the inquiries. Here we go.
Dear Dr Zibbs,
If I were to marry a US citizen purely based on green card purposes, do you think I should marry a straight or gay man? old? young? fat? dwarf? handicapped?
What pros and cons do you think it could bring me. Should I pay to marry them or they pay to marry me?...such a dilemma as you can clearly understand.
Thank you very much dear dr.zibbs
The tambourine queen
enclosed is a picture taken today by me of a very famous Thai models cleavage.
NO, it is not me...I only wish I could have her milk buckets. It is Thailands nicest pair of breasts
Sometimes I like to find the answers within the questions, which is why I printed your email out, ripped it up and flung the pieces across my parlour. The following is what randomly landed in front of me: "old fat handicapped dwarf." Don't be fooled though. Although the dwarf head is three times the size of a human head, their brains are often the size of a peas. I'm not saying they're not smart, I just wanted to point out that their brains were the size of peas.
As for the payment, a few pairs of nicely made Italian leather shoes should cover things. Just make sure that the tips are curled and that there are clearly defined ridges that make up stripes on the shoes because the first thing a dwarf does when he gets new shoes is paint them bright red or green. And the ridges just make the painting go a bit easier. Come to think of it, get the shoes at Payless. They're going to be destroyed anyway.
Dear Dr Zibbs,
Geno's or Pat's steaks. Wit or Wit-out? Sharp or mild?
You are of course referring to the famous cheese steak houses of Philadelphia. And my answer is, I alternate between Pat's and Geno's and I always get onions wit (with cheese wiz). For some reason, these are the only two places I get cheese whiz on my steaks. I guess I'm a traditionalist. As for my sitting area, I like to lean up against the concrete wall right next to Geno's.
Dear Dr. Zibbs,
I am in the market for a new plunger. I literally go through about two of these a week. I suffer from a rare digestive disorder that necessitates using one 10-12 times a day on average. I'm wondering if you can make any recommendations. Is there a brand-name you prefer? What should I be looking for. I really want the next one I buy to be the last. The people at the hardware store are starting to look at me funny.
Clogged in Cleveland (Some Guy)
ps: To expedite your response I have included a picture of my girlfriend per your request. She is a fox if I do say so myself!
Dear Clogged In Cleveland,
The ageless toilet plunger question. Times may change but our basic problems don't. Do they? The problem my friend is not the plunger. It's not even your crappy diet. Take a good, hard look in the mirror at yourself. Keep looking. You found the answer haven't you? Yup. It's your grip on the handle. Use the "western grip" which uses the strength of your thumb on the handle which naturally pivots the plunger with the force of gravity as you plunge. And if you really practice, you can do it one handed - which is nice. It frees up the other hand for eating a sandwich, tapping on the window sill or flicking things.
And the picture you enclosed? That was Phoebe Cates. Nice try.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Last night this was my prayer: Dear Jesus, will you please have that actress that played Henrietta Hippo from the New Zoo Review go on to a cheese ball public access channel and dance while a smoove ("smooth" to squares) brother dances around her and she sings a song about chubby chasers?
Well, maybe long time reader of my blog Micgar is Jesus because on his blog today he has this.
If you believe in Jesus and you want to see something funny as hell, check out the vid and tell him Zibbs sent ye'.
I admit it. I often do things when I'm by myself just to crack myself up. I'll sing. I'll dance. I'll talk in a weird voice while I'm cooking, pretending that I'm on a goofy ass cooking show. For a half hour. It's actually entertaining.
The only downside is when you get busted. Remember that story I told you about when I worked at the Lions Share Restaurant in 9th grade and someone had an accident in one of the stalls and they tried to get me to clean it up? Well, I got busted there for doing something really embarrassing.
They asked if anyone wanted to make some extra money on a Sunday by coming in and buffing the floors. I was there first thing Sunday morning and the cook, the only other person there, showed me how to use the device. It was one of these huge machines that when you turn the handle slightly, the whole mechanism turns by itself. It pretty much pulls you. The picture above is a miniature version of the industrial grade power horse I was using.
So I'm back in the very last room and I'm getting bored so I lean it all the way to the left and the thing practically turns me so I'm spinning in a circle. Hey this is fun. Then I stop it and make it spin to the right.
I take a quick peak down the corridor and the coast is clear so I continue goofing off. I must have been day dreaming because next thing you know, I'm imagining that I'm on in a sitcom like I Love Lucy or a movie and I'm in a Jerry Lewis voice going, "Oh Lady...Oyyyy...Oh stop this thing I want to get off." And I'm working this thing, it's hitting the walls, it's going full speed and then just then,
Cook: (walks into room and has look of disgust) What....?
Me: (startled like I just realized a bear is about to maul me) I thought!..Uh.....! Um.
That was pretty much my statement. What the hell can you really do in a situation like this? Exactly.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
So the blogger Legal Mist suggested in a post the other day that I start a column called "Ask Dr Zibbs." You know - where I give advice. Well, it's official. I'm doing it. I hereby announce that I'm going to use my brain and knowledge to help the commoner. The little people. The peasants. You.
So here's how it's gonna go down. Except for math, I'm kind of an expert on most subjects so here's what to do:
- Email me your question. Email to Lebner1@yahoo.com
- In the subject line, include: Ask Dr Zibbs
- Ask me up to 3 questions (per email). There is NO CHARGE TO YOU.
- Ask me anything. I will do my best to help you with the problems that you're too cheap to have a professional help you with.
- Leave your name and a link to your blog within the email. This is important.
- You have until this Thursday, November 13, 2008 (at the stroke of midnight) to send your questions. If everything goes smoothly, I may do another round. Using a sliding pay scale.
All kidding aside, genuine compliments and sexy pictures of yourself (or your wife or girlfriend if you're a dude) will move your question to the top of the pile. There will be a lot of questions so I can't promise that I will answer them all. I'm predicting that there will be lives that are changed and dreams realized.
Setting: Early 1990's during a blizzard in PA. We lived in a condo in Delaware County. About 8 inches were already on the ground. Everything, well, almost everything was closed. Annnnnnd ACTION.
Tom, our neighbor in a third floor units has ordered a pizza. A man who looks as if he is 70 years old, trudges past our first floor unit and makes his way up the outside wooden stairs to deliver the pizza to Tom.
Me: (to wife) What the hell? Look. What's that old guy doing with that pizza?
Wife: (looking out window in amazement) I thought everything was closed? Oh my God he's going to kill himself. Who the hell ordered a pizza in this?
Me: Holy crap Tom did it.
Grasping to the railing, Pizza man slowly makes his way down the icey steps, carefully gets into his way to his car and leaves.
Me: That's it (reaches for phone and dials Tom's number)
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Oh you'll see. (Tom picks up phone on the other end of line. I start talking like an old man in pain). Are you the guy that ordered the pizza?
Tom: It was already delivered.
Me: (still talking as old man) No. I'm the one who delivered it. I just fell. I'm lying in the parking lot out here!
Tom: (frantic) WHAT? OH MY GOD!
Me: I just fell and I'm talking from my cell phone in the parking lot. I think I broke my back. Help me. Help...(voice fades)
Tom then hangs up the phone and comes barreling down three flights as fast as he can without falling. He goes past our condo and into the parking lot. I walk out calmly. Tom is looking all over, no old man is in site, he heads back toward his condo and confronts me.
Tom: (confused) You're not going to believe this.. I ordered this pizza..and then this old guy came and then...(looks at me)
Me: (leaning up against post, eating a sandwich. Trying to act as if I'm intrigued by his story.)
Tom: ..And then....and...OH YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!
Does anyone else have any good practical jokes stories they want to post? If you do, leave a note in the comments telling us that you've posted it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Hey. TBY readers that have been around since July 2008. Remember that time that I wrote that really funny post about buying stuff like t-shirts and mugs that had "That Blue Yak" written on it? And I described the proper way to show people the shirt? Oh yeah. That was a good one. And those comments were classic.
For some reason though, my accountant hasn't given me the final numbers as to how many of these beauties flew off the shelves*. Imagine that task. No thanks. Anyways, even though you guys are the Gold Member Readers of my blog, I thought I'd give the newer readers, the Silver Members (readers since September 1), a chance to read this post.
So click here and start shopping. Imagine the look Christmas morning if you received one of these. Go ahead. Look out the window and really imagine it. It feels good doesn't it?
* True story that I forgot to tell you: Look in the comments of the July 29th post and read what Anonymous wrote. Remember the early days of Anonymous? Well, when I met him in person in West Chester, he said that conversation with his wife really happened! I shit you not.
Monday, November 10, 2008
"ok, this is a good blog and all, but why do people LOVE you... I don't get it yet. Maybe I need to keep reading... "
I know. I couldn't believe it as I read it either. As regular readers of my blog know, I'm a bit shy and reserved. I don't like to blow my own horn as they say. I'm actually (head looking down at feet that are kind of kicking an imaginary pebble) - I'm a bit embarrassed how to answer him. I.....I think that it's best to let my readers answer:
DO YOU LOVE ME AND IF SO WHY?
And please. Don't make a mockery out of this very important inquiry. I'll now just let myself into this sound proof booth so I can't hear anything. OK. I'm almost in. Shutting the door now.
I'm very sorry, I'm just going to grab these Tastykakes here..and..and this Highlights Magazine so I'll have something to do while I wait.. You know, see what Goofus and Gallant are up to..OK. I'm ..uh...going back in now.
..Then check out the nominees for Candy's Comment Comedy Hall of Fame. It's a list of the funniest blog comments made by the most important bloggers. Maybe YOU have been nominated and you don't even know it...No not you..YOU*.. So go over and vote.
And you might as well add yourself as a blog follower while you're there because the post is comedy gold!
*Dr Zibbs: (modestly)..and yes. I have been recognized for blog comment excellence and hilarity.
Just a little tip for when it's your daughter's birthday and you hear your in-laws pull up in front of your house: do not peak through the blinds, have a pissed look on your face and then start humming the theme to The Munsters. Trust me. You don't want to do that. And if your wife says,
"You said you wouldn't do that again!"
Don't say, "I said I wouldn't do the theme to the Addams Family. The Munsters were never discussed."
Just trust me. Don't do it.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
So Chele liked my last video of the Spanish guy doing Tom Jones and it inspired her to put up a great Hasselhoff video of him singing in in Germany. I always heard he was huge in Germany but never actually saw him perform. Sweet. And make sure to read her blog, it's one of the more interesting blogs out there. And a music congrats to her because she recently announced on her blog that she'll be one of the hosts for the Global Battle of the Bands World Finals in London. Way to go Chele!
And now Chele has inspired me to show this David Hasselhoff classic. And does anyone else think his eyes are so close together that he could legally be classified as a cyclops? If you can take your eyes off of his half dollar sized nips in the picture above take a look at his eyes. Let me know what you think.
To hear this masterpiece, click here.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Do you know what sucks? Whenever you want to see a video of a bald guy on a Spanish game show go behind a curtain then come back dressed as Tom Jones, but he really looks kind of like a clown, and then he sings The Green Green Grass of Home, you can never find one. Because there's no such thing. It just doesn't exist......Wait minute...someone is whispering something in my ear..I'm sorry. It DOES exist.
And don't be jerks and start laughing because this guy's pretty good. But to hear the person that can really sing it, click here.
I love hearing bands do cover songs. In fact, I have a great playlist on my Ipod with just cover tunes. Here's one that I ran across with Kid Rock and Jerry Lee Lewis doing Honky Tonk Woman. What do you think? And to hear his current big hit, "All Summer Long" , click here. I still think it wasn't nesessary to sample Sweet Home Alabama for this to be a good song.
This is just a random picture I found on my computer of a rib eye steak and some fried eggs. I think that's some buffalo mozzarella on top of the steak. It's not a super food glam shot like I see on some food sites but what are you going to do?
If you're looking for some great food related sites here are two that happen to be West Chester based:
Barbeque Bachelor - BBQ Bachelor is also a West Chester based food blogger. The next time you want to BBQ anything you really have to use his site for reference. I cook all of the time and visit many food websites when I want to try a new recipe but his is the first place I go when I need a new BBQ recipe. His blog could be made into a best selling BBQ book. Great recipes. Great pictures. Great instructions.
When you visit them, make sure to tell them that I sent you.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I usually try to start the weekend by posting a song. Many of you know this song from the end of The School of Rock with Jack Black - which is a great movie - but the real rockers know this song from ACDC. If you haven't heard this one in a while crank it up! And when have the bag pipes been used so effectively in Rock? Hmmm?
Care to share any memories of this song?
So, I was reading the blog of Fonzie Sox and she had a link to this hysterical elevator story on the blog of one Chachi Sox. To view it, click here.
And to read a post about my trip in an elevator with a very special young man, check out this classic by clicking here. (Note that some think this may be my funniest post. Others think it's my most retarded. You be the judge).
And check out this photo that H put on her blog It's Always Darkest Before I Open My Eyes . These things are finger condoms. She claims to have found them at "work". Rrrrright. And it's a "friend" that explores butts with them. Yeah IIIIII see.
And for don't forget to plan your weekend around me because as usual, I'll have a few posts up. Be part of this exclusive weekend club of winners!
You know, the blogger Falwless used to always say that she couldn't stand how funny the comments are that I leave on blogs. She used to tell me it all the time. And if you want to win my friendship, love, a chance at heavy petting or maybe even fingering, you'll do the same.
The problem here is that all of my classic comments are all over the place. What a waste. I even considered printing my comments onto a teensy tiny coffee table book. I see the cover being a cartoon fat guy, holding his sides laughing, or a picture of some trees or something. I'm still working on the ideas. You have to admit, it would make an adorable stocking stuffer.
Well, there is something new happening in the world of blog comments. Candy from the blog Candy's Daily Dandy is holding a contest that has to do with blog comments. You can nominate a funny comment (ie. mine) for the contest. I must say that it's a great idea so go check it out here.
P.S. she's also very easy on the eyes if... (eyebrow raised) you know what I mean (tiger growling: ggrrarrrrrrr)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Here are just a few random things about blogs. Feel free to add to the discussion.
- Numbers - I'm sure most people are using Google Analytics but if you're not, it's the best free tool for tracking your blog traffic. You can even see how many times the stalkers are visiting your site.
- Cash - Is anybody making any money off of advertising on their blogs? If so, how much and what tips can you offer? I just signed up with Sharesale.com. You can pick the advertisers that you want to advertise with. So I'm kindly asking everyone to consider doing their Kwanzaa shopping here.
- Hits - Who wants to share how much traffic they're getting? My biggest week was last week with 1700 visits. Shouldn't this be way more given how great this blog is?
- Traffic -My traffic started increasing in June when I started commenting on multiple blogs.
- Spelling and Grammar - Are many people really bothered by the crappy grammar and spelling on this blog? I swear I proof read and spell check but I guess I get so excited about letting everyone read the brilliance that I've created, I don't want you to have to wait any longer. And for the record, when I see errors on other blogs, I do think to myself, "Look at this dumb ass."
- Sadness - Has anyone ever hoped to read a blog post of mine but then you realized that I haven't posted anything new? Did you ever cry or come close to crying when this happened? Be honest.
- Comments - I'm sure some people have printed out a post of mine and framed it but has anyone ever seen and printed any of the hysterical comments I leave on other blogs? And if you have, do you find that they're best displayed in groups, spread throughout the home, or hung so your guests can read them while walking up your stairs?
And now, here are the same breasts from my last post but these are in living color. Note that this is a different picture. They are touching. Aww yeaah! And the reader who submitted these just told me today that both bras are hers. I didn't get into asking her about what happened in the changing room. I just took them and nodded graciously.
And I'll also tell you what makes these photos great. For someone that's seen a lot of boobs, it's not just that these are perfect. It's that these are from readers. The only time I go to strip bars is when it's for a bachelor party. And honestly, I couldn't care less. But if a lady in everyday life exposes some cleavage, it's a good day. It has to do with the setting. Can any of you guys chime in and tell the ladies what I'm talking about?
I'm going to dub it the Lambada effect. The Lambada is the forbidden dance, and seeing cleave on the sly is the forbidden glance (note the clever rhyme).
So the winner of my contest, the That Blue Yak Google This Contest is the beautiful pair of breasts you see above. The breasts on the right that is. The breasts on the left are those of a willing friend.
When I received this photo I was very excited. And proud. Just think, one of my readers has the loyalty to take such as beautiful photo. I'm not an expert on art, but I must say that this is one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. Four perfect breasts, being held hostage by dainty, frilly bras. The positioning of the breasts toward each other is perfect. Go ahead. Look again. It's like the Mona Lisa but it's boobs and it has "Google This: That Blue Yak" written on it.
So many questions though. At the photo shoot was there giggling happening? Was there an argument over who stood on the right because maybe they thought I prefer boobs on the right? Then the argument excalated into pushing? And then the hardware that holds the bras securely in place accidently came free and a wrestling match began? I don't know. I wasn't there.
The reader that sent this heavenly image in however has asked to remain anonymous. And will I break this trust? Hell no. And risk getting more pictures like this? Feel free to start a witch hunt but no matter what you ask me, no matter how much you beg...I will not tell you who this is. I think it's very important that all of my female readers know that I can be very, very discreet. Am I coming through loud and clear? You can trust me. No matter what you send me, I will not reveal your identity. I might however, make you a star. Think about it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Miracles. Sexy. Givin' it to me. These are all things that relate to the winning photo of my blog contest. Oh my God you've got to see this photo! I''ll be showing it later on tonight or first thing in the morning.
To get everyone warmed up... to help get the juices flowing, click here and listen to this song. Now don't go wearing yourselves out though. You're going to be needing plenty of energy shortly. Trust me.
So originally I was going to have 1 winner for The That Blue Yak Google This Contest and 2nd and 3rd winners. Instead. Since the pictures I received were so great, I will be having 1 grand prize winner, which will be announced later today or tomorrow and 6 runner ups.
The contest rules were simple, to write "Google this: That Blue Yak" on something and send me the photo. I don't know about you guys, but when I tell people about my blog and I throw in the "blogspot.com", it just confuses people. So I just tell them to Google "that blue yak." It's much easier.
Enough of that. On to runner ups that will be receiving shitty prizes via mail. Please remember to email me your mailing address. Also, don't forget to click on each one to enlarge. And oh yeah. As I own the rights to these photos, I'm allowing all of my readers to do as they wish with them. I'm not kidding. If you want to print them out and tape them to your cars, safety pin them to your shirts, be my guest. It's my gift to you.
Here we go.
Katrocket with "Filmore's Hotel". Even though she told me it was real, I wasn't sure. I still love it. And note that it's a gentleman's club. Mmm hmmm. (Seriously Katrocket, is this a photo shop job?)
Jennifer from Minnesota Vs Texas - a little number I like to call "Very Short Lady with a Tacky Hat Looking at Yak on Wall." Thanks Jennifer.
So there you go.
These are the runner up winners. As for the first place winner, I have to tell you that it is so great, so earth shattering and titillating that you will not believe it. I'm not making this up! I might as well make it my desk top picture because I've had to open the file and view it no less than 50 times.
Just wait. You'll see.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
When you go to the polls, please write in the name "Glenadene Bean."* Sure. She was running for Supervisor in Lower Providence Township (PA) back in the 1960's but if enough people vote for her, maybe, just maybe, she'll emerge from what I suspect ....hiding.
Monday, November 3, 2008
I post a lot of videos but this is one of the few made by me. Conceived, written and acted - by me. Dr Zibbs. My voice to your ears. Well....my own voice imitating what I think a gypsy lady would sound like.
Since you don't know what my real voice sounds like you'll have to trust me when I tell you that I should win an award for this. When I hear it I often ask, "Hey, who let that Gypsy Lady in here? What's going on here?" Then I realize that the voice is actually mine and I slowly release my clenched hands from my wallet. You know those gypsy. Thieves.
I've posted it before but thought my new readers might like to view it. To see it, hold onto your hats and click here.
And while you're on You Tube, feel free to email it to your friends. All of your friends. Seriously.
The post on Some Guy's Blog was a picture of Sulu and Chekov from Star Trek. They were both standing there wearing their regular Star Trek uniforms but the crotch areas were cut out and somebody had photo shopped huge schlongs on them. The caption that Chris (the president of Some Guy's Blog) wrote under the picture was, "I've heard of live long and prosper but this is ridiculous."
*View this image at your own risk.
**I also watched the rerun of the celebrity roast of Shatner last week and there were a lot of gay references on it made toward Sulu so that could also have been a factor.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
OK. If you don't know who George the Animal Steele was, he was a wrestler that was fat, bald and very hairy. I'm talking full back of hair.
So I'm looking on You Tube and I do a search of "West Chester" and "Phillies" and someone posted a video of the corner of Gay and High Street right after the Phillies won the World Series the other night. Well if you look at this video at 15 seconds in...who emerges from the crowd? See for yourselves:
Now that's a West Chester celebration.