Super Bowl Commercials? How About Carvel's Cookie O Puss?

It looks like advertising spending will be down this year for the Super Bowl due to the economy. I'm sure it's a one in a billion chance but maybe, just maybe we'll see a really, really low budget commercial like this Carvel commercial for Cookie O Puss from 1982.

What? A guy can dream can't he?

West Chester JobCircle Car Cracks Up Blogger Everytime.

Look at this miniature car that I see all the time in West Chester on Church Street. I mean - do you see how small that car is? I think it's called the Smart Car but I call it the Teensy Weensy.

Whenever I see these cars on the road as I travel around Chester County and the surrounding counties I always laugh and say to myself, "Please let there be a big fat guy in there, please let there be a big fat guy in there." And I speed up to catch a glimpse.

Kind of like on the episode of The Simpsons where Nelson is laughing at the small car and a tall dude gets out and chases him.

".....You think it's funny that I'm in this car? It's the largest automobile I can afford."

Yeah. It's kind of like that.

Chester County Deer Whisperer Wannabe Keeps Dreaming.

Here's a picture I took near my West Whiteland, PA neighborhood of a herd of deer a few weeks ago. Everytime I see some deer, I try to softly approach them to see how close I can get. You know, how Injuns do in the movies.

But I can never get really close. I honestly think that the way that I creep up, I'm going to be kind of like the Dog Whisperer but with deer. Then the deer are going to circle around me and we'll become friends. I might even get on the back of the leader - Staggs McCoy - and he'll take me for a ride.

"Hey Dr Zibbs. Can you teach me to train deer?"

"I can't teach one to train deer my friend. It's all in here." (points to heart then rides Stags McCoy away - jumping over a fence and disappearing from view).

It never happens though. They just run. Stupid deer.

Maybe I'll just chuck a rock at them next time.

40 Years Ago, The Beatles, Wet Dreams, The Roof.

As tribute to what happened 40 years ago today when The Beatles played on top of the Apple Building on Saville Row and to the post I wrote yesterday about my Beatles dream I give you "I've Got A Feeling".

I'm also announcing that I'm the 6th Beatle. What? Everyone fights over the 5th Beatle spot -I'm claiming the 6th Beatle spot. I bet you wish you thought of it but it's too late.

So "I've Got A Feeling" is today's Friday send off song and I'm giving a shout out to these bloggers:

- Tenakim from the blog My Therapy

- Katie from Stray Raisins who mentioned me in her blog this week. See how that works?

- Sarah from Sarah's Blogtastic Adverntures - she's been leaving lots of comments on TBY.

Highway Shrines - The Second Worst Part About Car Crashes

Not to be a snob but why does every highway shrine where someone dies in a car crash need to be tacky?

I'd like to have at least three people step forward - that have taste - to volunteer to be shrine keepers in case - God forbid - I die in a terrible, fiery car crash. Here are some tips for what I was thinking:

- No plastic, no stuffed animals, and no cardboard allowed around the shrine.

- I don't want anything wrapped in tinfoil.

- When making signs, lightly write out the message before painting it so you don't run out of space on the right and you have to squoose the letters together to make them all fit.

- Two large eyes should be cast of bronze and fitted with blown glass. The eyes should be placed at the top of the shrine. There should be a sign at the bottom of the shrine stating, "DO NOT STARE DIRECTLY INTO THE EYES!" The font used for this warning should look like flames, pitchforks or something devily.

- Do not use a tree or telephone as the centerpiece. A freestanding tripod made of iron with a nice verdigis patina would be nice. This would give mourners access from all sides and allow for tasteful lights to be strung and seen from all vantage points during holidays and anniversaries of days I wrote one of my classic posts. Will this mean it's lit everyday? This will be for historians to decide.

- If funding starts to get low for the upkeep of the shrine, I will consider corporate naming rights for the shrine but pick something you know I'd endorse. Aflack TBY Shrine? NO. Reese's TBY Shrine? YES.

- The shrine should be constructed in a way that a "traveling duplicate" can be be made. After one month of my death, the traveling duplicate can make a tour of the U.S. The name of this venture should be, "The THAT BLUE YAK shrine - Time To Heal."

That's all I've come up with so far. I'm open to additional suggestions.

Funny and Not Funny - Comedians and TV Characters.

So here's my list of people that I can watch for an hour and not crack a smile, followed by people that crack me up with almost everything they say. Note some of the people listed are the characters that they've played.

This is probably part one as these are people off the top of my head.

Not Funny

Robin Williams

Whoopie

Billy Crystal

John Stewart

Johnny Carson

Bob Sagat

Ben Stiller (unless he's doing impressions)

Shemp Howard (3 Stooges)

Steve Martin (used to be funny)

Jeff Foxworthy

Bob Hope

Yakov Smirnoff

George Burns

Kathy Griffin

Rita Rudner

Funny

Stephen Colbert

Don Rickles

Ricky Gervais

Jack Black

Conan O'Brien

Dr Zibbs

Ralph Kramden

Ed Norton

The Schmenge Brothers (John Candy and Eugene Levy from SCTV)

Larry David

Larry Fine (3 Stooges)

Phil Silvers

Archie Bunker

Groucho Marx

Lisa Lampanelli

Sid Caesar

Another Dream: The Beatles, Clapton and Springsteen.

So here's a dream I had last night that I'm totally not making up.

I was asked to drive The Beatles, Clapton and Bruce Springsteen to a concert on a bus. It was weird because the Beatles were the 1965 Beatles but Clapton and Springsteen were the modern day guys.

A friend was with me and we had to pull into a gas station to get gas. The Beatles were being really cool to us but they didn't want a mob scene so we were asked to "keep cool". One of them asked if we could put some of their equipment in trunk.

We were dying for someone to see who we had in the bus so as a lady was walking out of the convenience store part of the gas station I said really loudly,

"OK, Let's just put these guitars that we have from The Beatles in the trunk..guitars from the rock group - The Beatles - going into the trunk now....."

The lady came over and looked in. Paul came out and started making small talk. He then asked if I had taken acid. I said no and he pulled out a colorful post-it note that had a rip taken out of it. I told him that the rip was from where I tore it because I had to write a telephone number down and I needed a piece of paper. Which was true.

Paul said, "Oh it's just a post-it note? I thought it was a sheet of acid. Oh that's cool. I was just wondering if you were tripping."

Sorry, no funny punchline - just another real dream I had. They also jammed at one point and were playing a Herman's Hermits song but I forget which one. And Clapton was playing the drums. I swear.

Really Stupid Kid Asks Question About Pubic Lice

So when I saw my friend "The Child" over Christmas I made him tell me one of my favorite stories about being a middle school teacher. And it goes something like this:

The Child: Some of my students are so fucking stupid you wouldn't even believe it. So we have someone from the board of health in and she's talking about pubic crabs. And she has a picture of it on the overhead projector.

Me: Uh huh ...

The Child: ..and remember now, the screen is about five feet by five feet. So the lady is talking about the how you get crabs and all and my dumbest student raises her hand...ooooh....oooooh!

Me: Uh huh...

The Child:...And do you know what her question is?

Me: What?

The Child: IS THAT ACTUAL SIZE?

I swear I love that story more every time I hear it. The visual of someone having crabs - a crab - the size of a Saint Bernard is the funniest thing in the world to me. Is there a way to hide that you have a crab? Do you have to wear super large pants to hide it or is it easier to just cover it with a huge garbage bag or bed sheet?

(Hitting imaginary kid on the side of the head) Stupid!

Something Is Seriously Wrong With These Bathing Beauty Dancers

First of all, I saw this video on a blog that I follow called The List of the Day. Cary has whopping 337 followers. Damn!

OK. So rarely would I laugh at nice looking women dancing in bathing suits but..... This is Brook Benton singing Mother Nature - Father of Time and you've got to see it to believe it. If you've ever, ever seen someone that can't dance TO the music, this one will top it.

The super star in this video is the blond. Man does she look ridiculous.

How To Decline A High Five? This Is A Question.

So the other week I was in Kildare's Irish Pub in West Chester and there was a derelict sitting at the bar. He would say something to every staff member or patron that walked by. He even caught a glimpse of me - seven bar stools down yelled, "What's up man?"

And worst of all, he'd have to high five every other person.

Unless I know the person AND something really great just happened like a touchdown or an old person slipped ice, I don't like to high five people. Is there anyway to decline a high five other than looking at their raised hand and saying,

"No thanks. I'm uh....just not as excited as you are now. Just...um...move onto the next person."

I think from now on when people try to high five me, I'm going to do the old, "Got your nose thing that you do with kids. And when they're standing there saying, "C'mon! High five man!", I'm going to calmly say, "I'm afraid I can't do that because I've got you nose."

It'll make no sense but it'll make me feel better.

Farting and Why I'm Such a Great Friend. The Elevator Story.

So Michelle wrote about farting in elevators today and it reminded me of something that happened years ago in Baltimore.

So we're staying at Inner Harbor with about 10 guys for our annual guys weekend. And my friend Flare had been farting* really bad. I'm talking clear the room, what crawled up you ass and died farting.

So the 10 of us are waiting for the elevator. He had just farted in the room - again - and we're still laughing about it. So the elevator door opens and it's almost completely full. Flare steps in and there's only room for one. The doors start to close. As the doors are almost shut and I point to Flare and say to the people in the elevator, "HE FARTED."

This made me laugh so hard because when the doors are shut, you can't turn around to the strangers in the elevator and say, "You see that's a buddy of mine, we're on a guy's weekend and we're just joking around here and........"

No. You just have to stand there like a dope and take the humiliation.

*For the record, this is the first post I've ever done about farting and I've been blogging over two years.

I Know Someone That Looks Like The Twilight Chick Kristen Stewart.

So I was on a blog today and the blogger (a regular commenter) had a picture up that totally looks like the vampire chick from the movie Twilight. So I didn't want to just copy and paste the picture here without asking so I did ask her and she said no.

But since the internet is up for everyone to see I am going to show you the link to her. So here's Kristen Stewart from the movie Twilight............

And here's Greta from the blog Noodle-ing. To see the lookalike, click here and scroll down to the second picture. Uncanny! And I think that the Kristen Stewart chick is actually the poor man's Greta as opposed to the other way around which is usually how I find my lookalikes.

Statue of Liberty! You've Got Some Chocolate Right Here. No Here.

So here's another really weird dream I had last night that I'm totally not making up.

I had to come up with an advertising campaign for a donut chain. It was some donut chain from New York that I've never heard of. So my idea was to have someone secretly fly a helicopter to the Statue of Liberty at night and paint the lips and around the lips with brown paint so it looked like she had been eating chocolate donuts. But really make it sloppy - like if you handed a candy bar to a mental patient and said, "Here's your lipstick. Put it on."

So you've got The Statue of Liberty looking like she ate chocolate then the idea was to have a 40 foot replica of the donut box sitting next to The Statue of Liberty's feet.

Then I realize that it's a stupid idea because it's illegal to mess with national monuments but the client said that since they'd use paint that would wash off in a month they were OK with it.

Then I started getting nervous.

Frito Bandito, Corn Chips, The 70's, Commercials and Corn Chips

Remember the Frito Bandito commercial? Don't lie fatty. You know the one for Frito's corn chips? Below you'll find the commercial from the 70's.

What made me think about this was the Frito Bandito eraser that that they used to give away with the Frito's corn chips. It just popped into my head the other day. I used to love that thing. It sucked for erasing but for having a Mexican on the end of your pencil it was #1.

And for the record, the BBQ Frito's are much better than the original flavor.

Breakfast Club, Johhny Bender and REALLY Bad Acting

It's pretty rare when you see a scene in a movie and not only is the dialogue terrible, but all of the actors in the scene are God awful. This is the case with this scene from The Breakfast Club. And talk about melodrama when Judd Nelson* freaks out at the end....what a friggin' baby.

Come to think about it, Michael Anthony Hall isn't that bad in this scene. Not great, but not bad.



*I also have a problem watching Judd Nelson because of his huge, cavernous nostrils.

Help! Chester County Dinner Club Needs Card Table Idea.

I need your help. We're hosting our dinner club tonight. There are 10 couples and my wife and I can't get our dining room table pulled out further to get the second leaf in. It won't extend anymore (that's what she said).

So we have a card table that we're putting at the very end. Classy. The problem is, I don't feel like sitting at the card table side like a peasant? I want to be in a prime big people spot so I can hold court and make sure all things revolve around me. I find that if I can dictate the pace and content of the conversations, it's a lot more fun for all.

So I need some quick ideas to narrow down who will get stuck at the card table side. I was thinking some kind of trivia. Any ideas?

As for dinner, I'm making this cheesy, garlic shrimp dish that will be served over pasta and some kind of chicken....and twice baked potatoes and some other stuff.

If you give me an idea that I can use, you won't be invited tonight but it will seem like you are there because I'll put your name on a piece of paper and place it on the table...... the card table.

Pac Man Fever - Video Game Song That Never Should Have Been Made.

Isn't it great when you hear a song and it brings back some great memories? Sometimes it's even a cheesy song. It doesn't matter. Then once in a while you hear a song and it just pisses you off because there was no need for it. Take for example the crappy song Pac-Man Fever by Buckner and Garcia. View the Youtube Video here.

So here's the really scary part. In addition to singing about Pac Man, these Buckner and Garcia characters also wrote songs about Donkey Kong, Footprints in the Sand and a song called, "E.T. I Love You". Huh?

I think I feel sick. If you want to learn more about these guys, here is their website.

How To Use Marvin Gaye To Pick Up Girls - Sexual Heeling.

"You're going to help me pick up girls Dr Zibbs?"

Yes I am friend. But I'm not going to tell you how to do it The Pick-up Artist Style. Sorry Mystery. I'm gonna tell you Zibbs style.

Step 1: First of all, you need to be a bit familiar with the song Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.

Step 2: You need to get two men to play separate characters. Try your local community theater. You'll find many no talents that will jump at the chance of an acting job.

Step 3: Find an attractive lady in a bar. If she's very dumb it will be a snap. If she's not a dummy, you may have to work a bit harder. I didn't say this would be easy did I?

Step 4: While hiding out of sight - maybe behind a potted plant, have actors one and two approach the lady - one actor on either side.

Actor #1: (dressed as weird professor he leans into the lady's face and whispers really loudly) Get up, get up, get up......

Actor #2: (dressed as a longshoreman or lumberjack he leans into the lady's face from the other side and breaths into her ear as creepily as possible) Wake up, Wake up, Wake up........

At this point, you come barreling out from the shadows.

You: Stop! (use the International "stop" motion of holding palm outward) I want you two jerks out of here! PRONTO!

(The actors flee. You coolly sit down next to her - make sure you've showered and you're well groomed).

Bartender: What do you want to drink Mac?

You: I'll take a scotch on the rocks. And for the lady, she'll have some (pause, look at her and cock head).... sexual healing - FROM ME - not from you.

Good luck! And to hear the Sexual Healing song and really get it into your blood, click here.

So that's my Friday send off song. And the shout out this week goes to new readers Belle from Fawty.com, Vic from the blog What Were You Thinking? and Cameron from Get The Stink Off.

Check out their blogs and tell them who sent you. Me. That's who.

I Can See That Chick's Crack! Blackberry Camera Help Needed!

So suppose one can see some chick's crack right now because she's wearing low rider jeans.

And suppose one wanted to snap a picture with their Blackberry and email it to his friend Sean but when taking a picture, the camera makes a noise.

How would one - and I'm not saying it's me - disable the sound so the chick wouldn't hear the camera go off?

Or would it be better to take the picture and make a really loud sound at the same time like a fake sneeze, dropping a book or yelling something like, "Don't turn around! Some bees are about to sting you!!"

Or maybe this person - this person that I'm totally making up - would just take the picture. Then when the chick turned around he could pretend he's trying to figure out the blackberry as if he just bought it and he could be looking at it and in a curious, confused way and say,

"Now that's not how it sends email...hmmm? (taps blackberry on desk then shakes it). Hello? Verizon? Who can even figure these things out anyway? Not me........

Damone From Fast Times At Ridgemont High - Classy Tips.

So everyone chimed in about The Outsiders on my last post. Now you want to talk about a real movie from back in the day, check out (again) - Fast Times at Ridgmont High.

In this clip, Damone gives his five point plan on how to treat women.

1) Never let on how much you like a girl.
2) Always call the shots.
3) Act like wherever you are, it's the place to be.

Can you name his steps four and five? Smooth.

Diane Lane - January 22- Born in 1965 - The Outsiders

I think most people will agree that Diane Lane is totally gorgeous. And today is her birthday. January 22. From her appearance in The Outsiders in 1983 (and the most ridiculous death scene ever caught on film by Matt Dillon) through the current movies - which I've seen none of -I will give her this. She is still a fox. Foxy Lady.

And you know she smells good. Not like some of these slobs out there that are a total mess. Just look at her. Beautiful. If you're reading my blog Diane - call my people.

And now I'll add the other actors that were in The Outsiders as well for the pure purpose of getting hits to my blog: C.Thomas (Are you still alive?) Howell, Ralph (wax on, wax off) Macchio, Patrick (wasn't Baby a bit to young for you?) Swayze, Rob (I still think you're a chick) Lowe, Emilio (Am I supposed to believe you're tough in The Breakfast Club?) Estevez, Tom (most likely gay) Cruise, Leif (what happened to your face?) Garrett and Jimmy (remember that crappy variety show you had in the 70's) McNichol.

OK. Jimmy McNichol wasn't in it but I'm sure he wanted to be.

My Dad Would Not Put Up With This 1972 Peter Pan Peanut Butter Nonsense

Here's what would have happened if the Peter Pan Peanut Butter "Man" came through our window in 1972 if my Dad got wind of it*. First watch the commercial:



(my dad walking into the kitchen)

Dad: What the hell is going on?!!

Peter Pan: (all flamboyant and excited) Peter Pan is the peanut butter eaters peanut....

Dad: Hit the breaks! Time out! What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?

Mom: Jim, he wants to know if we're the peanut butter...

Dad: Sally I'll handle this! (pins Peter Pan against the wall. Pan's hat falls to the floor. Eyes are watery. He's terrified) I'm not going to to ask you this again. What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?

Peter Pan: ..uh..uh...(gulps) I bring the peanut beaters butter eater....

Dad: Listen Tinkerbell, get the marbles out of your mouth and.....

(Peter Pan faints)

Mom: Jim you killed him!

Dad: Sally, I didn't touch him! That's it. Get me the number of West Whiteland Township. I don't pay taxes to have a Peanut Butter man coming in my window......

And it goes on from there.....

*If anyone wants to fund this and make it into a play, please contact me privately.

Food Art? Do I Look At It And Cry Or Eat It?

Want to see some really cool food art? Food art? What's that? Well, check out Robot Nine's blog today. To see this food art post, click here.

Idea For The Best Blog Ever - Stalker Style

OK. So here's my idea for what would be a great blog. (By reading further you're agreeing not to steal this idea).

- I find a person to stalk.

- I find about 200 people that are willing to take pictures and blog about this person. (You guys. If you agree to relocate to Chester County, PA).

- We write about about and take photos of everything this sad sack does.

So let's say his name is Fred Sweeny. Some of the bloggers live near him, others drive the same route to work as him, others work with him. But someone in every area of this life is stalking him.

Then what happens is people write every detail about him. Almost like the scrutiny that a celebrity gets.

"So, Fred usually gets the farmer's breakfast at the DK Diner. For some reason he only got pancakes today. Is her worried about his weight?"

"Fred usually chooses stall two at work but today he went for stall three. And according to an insider - who pretended to leave the bathroom after washing his hands - it looks like Mr Sweeny likes to sing while he's taking a dump. But sing, 'It's Raining Men?' - Whatever."

"Driving behind Fred today on Boot Road near Phoenixville Pike one must wonder, can he afford tissues? I guess not, given the display I saw. Puul-ease!"

Once I get 199 people to agree to this, I'm totally considering doing this. Yeah. I am.

The Big Fig Newton - You Remember That Commercial From The 70's!

OK. Four posts in one day - what are you gonna do? So I'm on the blog of Cooking Blind today and she's mentioning figs. And when I hear the word fig, I think of the commercial for Fig Newtons. You know:

"Hit it Hal - Gooey gooey rich and chewy inside....." (I never thought he sounded like Charles Nelson Reilly but you be the judge).

I give you, the Big Fig Newton commercial. To view it, click the word fig. I haven't heard this in years.

The Most Annoying Sound In The World Is.....

There aren't many things that strangers can do put me into kill mode. But the other week when I was at the library, I heard the most annoying sound known to humans. That noise is a woman sucking and rattling a God damned Halls Cough Drop around in her mouth while breathing loudly through her mouth like Lisa Loopner. And she switches the Halls from side to side and sucks on it every few seconds so she can swallow it's healing juices!

There aren't many things that bother me to the point that makes me want to smash the person in the face!

Why Oh Mighty and Powerful Jesus do you not give me the strength to grab this woman by the ears and tell her she's got 3 seconds to get out of my sight? Do I need to call on Beelzebub to give me the strength and guidance? You know that a few years ago when a car picked me up at 5 in the morning for the airport there was an old lady in the car doing the same thing with a Halls. For the entire trip to the Philly Airport. Remember that time?? Are you testing me Mr. Jesus?

How does a grown woman not know she's making a huge racket like this? Does she not see I keep looking at her to give her the signal to stop? That's it. Just reliving it is making me so mad that I need to go find someone to punch!

"HEY YOU...COME HERE! YEAH YOU!..STOP RUNNING!"

*One time in college I was in a class and I was picking my fingernail - I swear it was barely audible - and this chick next to me with all her rage said, "WILL. YOU. PLEASE . STOP. DOING. THAT!?" Frickin' psycho but I wish I had her courage. Instead - I am like the Cowardly Lion before receiving his fancy courage degree from the Wizard.

Artie Lange Book - I Give It My Approval

I used to be a major Howard Stern fan. For years, I had a fifty minute commute. When my commute ended and the show went to Sirius Satellite Radio I stopped listening. I do miss the show.

I did however just finish reading the Artie Lange book, "Too Fat To Fish". I read the ENTIRE book. It was pretty good, even if you're not a Stern fan because he only talks about the Stern Show in a few chapters.

Much of the book is about his ridiculous cocaine use. There are some really funny stories about him working on MAD TV as well as some good stuff about his stand-up days and growing up in general. He's just one of those naturally funny, likable guys.

That there - is my fascinating review. If you want to see his appearance on Letterman, click here.

Blog Questions, Spam, Slow Loading Pages and More

And now, some serious questions about blogs.

- Why in Google Analytics does it often say that the total time a reader viewed my blog was zero seconds even though the person left a comment?

- If someone is reading my blog in Google readers, does the visit show up in Google Analytics?

- Why does it sometimes take 2 minutes for my posts to show up in Google Reader and other times it takes 6 hours?

- I like to keep many posts visible on my main blog page. Does anyone have a problem with slow loading of my page (hillbillies with telegraphed rigged Internet connection need not answer).

- I just received 30 plus identical spam comments. I've deleted them all. Is this because I turned off my word verification? I've since turned it back on. I think I know the answer to this one.

- And please add any websites, templates or applications that you use for your blogs.

Thanks.

Bringing Gerbils to the Vet?? What???

So I hear my wife answer the door the other day. It was someone dropping off some girl scout info for my daughter. I hear the woman say, "Sorry, I have to run, I've got the gerbil in the car. We just brought him back from the Vet."

What????

I bet in Vet school there's at least an hour discussion of do's and don'ts concerning how to handle the nonsense of someone bringing in a gerbil.

Don't - in a demeaning way say, "Does your husband know that you're wasting money on this bullshit?"

Do - after "fixing" the gerbil say, "Now when was the last time your fish have been in for a physical?"

Don't toss the gerbil into the trash and hand them directions to Pet Smart.

Do make them feel less stupid by saying, "Oh you brought a GERBIL here. I thought the nurse said you brought a FROG here. How ridiculous would that be? A frog? Not you though - you brought a gerbil. There is nothing - I repeat nothing wrong or dumb with what YOU did. Now where is the little guy? (shaking head) A frog...sorry...can't get over that one.

Don't take the gerbil into another room, spray paint a new gerbil haphazardly to match the sick gerbil, then hand the new gerbil to the owners and arrogantly say, "NEXT!"

My Friend Sass - The Blog Fundraiser

I will now have a fund raiser for one of my favorite bloggers: Sass. Her blog is called Are you Satisfied? We all know that visits, comments and followers are the currency in the land of blogs. So in an effort to help each other increase the number of followers, I'm asking all of you to go to her blog and click, "FOLLOW THIS BLOG" on her sidebar. It's as simple as that. I'm sure you'll find her really interesting. I do.

The great thing about following a blog is that the posts will automatically be updated in your reader so you never miss a precious post. It's also good advertising for your blog because people will see that you follow a blog and then will check out your blog. I do it all the time and look how famous I am.

So go ahead, go to Sass's blog and add her as a follower. She's one cool chick. Thanks friend.

Chester County Blogger Tells Who Will Win Eagles Cardinals Game

As you know, I've successfully predicted the ending of the last two Eagles football games. I will now tell you who will win. It will be the Philadelphia Eagles. My senses are telling me that the score will be 17-9. Philly.

And here's what I'll be eating while watching. Make yourself a peanut butter and jelly and pretend that you're sitting there with me watching the game.

- Chicken wings - five different styles.

- Garlic and Feta stuffed olives.

- Pizza baguette - I will make this simply my putting tomato sauce, roasted garlic, pepperoni and mozzarella cheese on fresh baked banquette and broil it.

I will be drinking Yuengling lager - unfortunately - and may have a bourbon and water around half time.

What are you eating while you watch the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Phoenix Cardinals?

West Chester, PA , East, Henderson, Hangouts

This video is mostly for the West Chester locals. It's a video that someone made for the East High School Class of 1988 reunion. As a graduate of the superior high school - Henderson - I will say that it's pretty good work for someone that went to East.

Some of the local hangouts shown are: The Exton Drive-In, The DK Diner, The Guernsey Cow, The Goshen Fair, Pulsations, Price Street Burger King and Jimmy John's*. Oh the memories. To view it, click here. What memories do YOU have of these places? Hmmm?

The one obvious place that's not shown is The Downingtown Farmers Market. If anyone has pictures of that dump, please, please post them online and leave a link in the comments section. I'm begging you!

*And good bye to artist Andrew Wyeth. A Chadds Ford resident who ate at Jimmy John's many times.

Obama Train To Washington - Not Georgia

Greetings web surfer of the world wide Internet of the webs. Were you searching for Obama's train route from Philadelphia to Washington that CNN is talking about on the TV right now? Sure you were.

Hi. I'm the Internet's Dr Zibbs. You may have heard of of me. Well take a break from your road to the Whitehouse inauguration watching and check out this other train related thing: The Midnight Train To Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips.

I wish I could have those Pips follow me around for a week and just repeat everything I said like they do in this song. And I would just pretend I didn't know they were there. How great would that be? Mmmmm-hmmmm. Pretty great. To view it, click here. And if you want to see an Obama lookalike dancing on Soul Train, click here.

Popeye, Gumby and Zippo Lighters

Did you know that Popeye made it's first appearance in the comics on this day in 1929? Yup. And to tell you the truth I never really liked Popeye. I did however like the Sea Hag and Alice the Goon that were on the Popeye cartoon. In fact, that weird chin that the Sea Hag sports is one of my favorite features that some old people get. I hope I never look like that.

I do have a Popeye Zippo lighter so I guess I don't dislike it that much.

A show that reminds me of Popeye is Gumby. The reason is because when I was a kid waiting for the bus, it was either Popeye or Gumby that would be the animation that was showed during Philly's Captain Noah Show....or was it during the Captain Kangaroo Show? I forget. Anyways, here's the theme to Gumby. After making sure nobody's listening, sing along!

The Faces - What Happened Rod Stewart?

Rod Stewart used to be cool. His height of cool was when he was in The Faces. Now he's doing music from the Great American Songbook? What? He's morphing into Barry Manilow I tells Ya!

Maybe when they pumped his stomach that time they accidentally pumped some of the cool out of him. I don't know. I'm not a Doct....I mean - I don't know.

So here's the Friday Send Off Song coming to you from Chester County, PA where it's a freezing 12 degrees. And this week's send off is dedicated to DMB, Wendy Brandes and Raf. Go check out their blogs and tell them who sent ye'. That would be me! Dr Zibbs.

I Swear I'm Not Researching Hookers. I Swear.

So I'm at the library the other day. It's about 6:30 and someone from my wife's book club approaches.

Book Club Lady: Oh my God Zibbs. Funny to see you here.

Me: Hey - how you doin'? Do you come to the West Chester library often?

Book Club Lady: Once in a while. I just dropped my son of at guitar lessons so I have about an hour to kill. What are you working? (She glances down at my laptop).

Me: No - I was. I'm finished now. I'm just goofin' off.

Book Club Lady: OK. Well see you later.

She walks away and I look down at the blog I had been reading*. The title of the blog that is now almost flashing like a neon sign reads.......

"HOOKERS ON PARADE"

Stupid! I wanted to yell, "I SWEAR I'M NOT RESEARCHING HOOKERS! I SWEAR...LOOK..IT'S JUST THE TITLE OF A BLOG!!" - but didn't.

*The blog I was reading was Catherinette's - but I forget the name of her blog so chime in if you know it.

Airplane Crashes Into Hudson River

A plane just went down in the Hudson River. Apparently caused by birds! Here's the CNN website for the news. I hope everyone is safe.

What Was The First Car You Bought? A Renault LeCar

What was the first car you bought? Was it a Renault LeCar? A gray one with a roof that opened?

Oh My GOD!!! That was my first car! It looked exactly like that ridiculous brown one pictured above but it was gray. And I'm not lying when I tell you that the previous owner added a tachometer to it. Sweet. Worthless but sweet....Well...sweet to laugh at. By others.

And you've got to see some of the LeCar's they have on the Wikipedia page here.

What are YOUR favorite stories about grey Renault LeCars. Go ahead - share them with us.

Weird Dreams, Dogs and Nipple Find

I just had another weird dream. I was doing stuff around my house and something was rubbing against my pants. Right below my belt.

So I pull my pants down a bit and there are two nipples that had grown on my pelvic area. So I run in a panic to show my wife and she calmly says, "I wouldn't worry about it, you know how dogs have multiple nipples? Maybe it's just some weird genetic thing and it's totally harmless."

What!!!!??????

Happy Birthday Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters

It's January 14. Who has a birthday today? The Fighter of Foo Dave Grohl. That's who. He was born in 1969.

To hear him rocking All My Life, click here.

I Wonder If Bloggers Would Pay Me For Advertising

So I told the blogger Tova Darling the other day I would write a post showing her Etsy stuff*. I like her and told her I would do it for free if she wanted. But it got me thinking that maybe I should reserve one spot on the sidebar for bloggers that want to promote something. Let's say it was Etsy products or Ebay stuff. Or someone just wanted to promote their blog or leave a big ass message on this life changing blog o'mine. Like a birthday message or marriage proposal for someone.

What do you think would be a fair price? $10 for a week? That's sounds fair to me. And I'm talking a big ole' spot like the size of H's condom covered fingers you see over to the right.

So..uh....does anyone want to promote anything?

*It's actually now on the sidebar of her site so check it out. And I don't want tons of freeloaders now coming out of the closet asking me to write posts about their stuff. Geeez. Have some respect. But if you do have stuff on Etsy feel free to leave a link in the comments because I would like to check it out. But please - no yarn and Popsicle stick art.

Look At That BBQ Header at the Top of My Blog. Bees!

So everyone is changing the layouts of their blogs these days. I just don't have the patience to do it right now so I simply added the picture you see above. It's an image of me barbecuing on my deck. I then realized there was a bee's nest under the grill. Using my catlike reflexes I screamed like a girl and ran inside to get my electric tennis racket bug swatter* - best invention ever - and went to town on the bees. They didn't stand a chance.

And on the subject of new blog layouts, two of my favorites are the blogs of Whiskey Marie and The Verdant Dude (aka B.E.Earl). I'm very, very jealous. I especially like how The Verdant Dude's blog has the options of tabs that let you have links to other blogs. And I'll add that these are two of my favorite blogs as well.

*Note that there are spikes hanging off of the electric tennis racket bug swatter. These show you that it's been used in many bee battles. They could easily poke out an eye but danger is my middle name. Well, actually "Screams Like a Girl" is my middle name. "Danger" is my Confirmation name.

Sham Wow Vs Head On - There's No Contest

When it comes to TV advertising spending I didn't think anyone would top HeadOn. That commercial was on non stop. And I don't know how they even sold one unit of HeadOn because they were never clear on what to do with it. Specifically, where should it be applied? Who would even know? Maybe I wasn't listening closely enough.

The Sham Wow* on the other hand is going places and I predict is going to be a product star. And why? Look at the smooth talk of Vince the Sham Wow guy. He's telling you where it's at. It's as simple as that. And I'm sure you ladies can agree that if this fellow approached you in a bar, you'd be putty in his hands. Yeah. Don't lie.



*They say to beware of imitators. So....I'm just warning you. And damn it..where was the Sham Wow during hurricane Katrina? If my calculations are correct, they could have cleaned up that New Orleans mess with about 10 Sham Wows. Damn you slow development cycles!

What's The Deal With Rumer Willis?

Can someone tell me what's the deal with Rumer Willis? I know her parents are Demi Moore and Bruce Willis but is there anyone who finds her the least bit appealing? If you look here on IMDB you'll see that she's pretty much done nothing. But she shows up on award shows and magazines...

And the looks? She was voted one of the most beautiful people? What?

Now, I'm not asking people to hurl fruit at her when they see here but damn it, someone need to get to to the bottom of this.

Bacon Is Everywhere You Look Online

Everywhere you look online you see bacon. I'm not complaining - I'm just pointing it out. On my blogger friend MJenk's blog Crown of Thistles today he's got a great post about bacon. There are bacon products on my sidebar THAT YOU CAN BUY. And I'm sure right now in a store there are people actually buying real bacon. Right now!

With all of this bacon mania, I have a question. Do you think someone, somewhere loves bacon so much they made out with it? Like actually pulled their shades down then put two strips together to look like lips and had a make out session with the bacon? I bet they did.

Man. You people are sick.

One of My Favorite Loony Tunes Characters - Gossamer

One of the coolest things I got to do when I was in product development was watch cartoons. I was developing a line of Loony Tunes characters so a few times a week I'd wheel a TV into my office and watch Loony Tunes in search of poses for characters. I used to love passing the purchasing department and rub it in my saying, "Time to get to work."

Gossamer, although he was only in a few shorts, has always been a favorite of mine. Not because he had the best performances, but just because of his looks. Kind of like when you see a big nerdy fat guy that thinks he's tough and he's wearing a fanny pack and a shirt that says, "Looks Like Trouble" or "Heaven Don't Want Me And Hell's Afraid I'll Take Over". You just have to laugh (after pointing).

My other top Warner Brothers cartoon picks are Bugs, Daffy and Foghorn Leghorn.

My least favorite is Taz . It's not the actual character I hate, it's all of the douchebags that wear the Taz shirts, put the stickers on their trucks, etc. because they see themselves as having Tazmanian Devil traits. Real original.

Breaking News! Portuguese Water Hound May Be In White House

So the term Portuguese Water Hound is the number one search term in Google Trends right now. Do you know why? Because it may be the dog that the Obama family picks to be their new dog. It's between the Portuguese Water Hound and a Labradoodle.

Jesus Christ. I can't believe that is the top Google Search! People sure do have a lot of time on their hands. And the more time people waste reading nonsense, the less time they have to read my amazing gems. So to save you time, here are a few search terms in the top 100:

Half Smoke
American Pie Band Camp
2010 Ford Taurus
Desert Botanical Garden
Barefoot Contessa
Peanut Butter recall
The Karate Kid
Uvula
Fun Foil Art
Farmhouse Movie

Now get back to reading my blog.

Mr Show Season Three Is Some Funny Sketch Comedy

So I bought Mr Show Season 3 with a Best Buy gift card I had and it's hysterical. I haven't seen some of these comedy sketches in a few years. They're still hysterical. This one is about a group called Indomitable Spirit. They're a group of people with missing limbs. You've go to see. it. Click here.

Eagles vs Giants - Another Prediction From West Chester PA

So I was pretty close with my prediction last week of the Eagles Vikings game. I will now tell you the score of the Eagles Giants game today. The score shall be 16 - 14. The Eagles will win.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to go to Wawa to pick up some coleslaw. The slaw will be topping the pulled pork sandwiches I'll be inhaling during the game. Go Eagles!

M.I.A Paper Airplanes I Love This Friggin' Song

Here's a song by M.I.A. called Paper Airplanes that's been out for a while. It's used in Slumdog Millionaire. You know, the movie I was telling you to see. Never has the combination of a cash register and a gun been used in a song so effectively. Well, it's was pretty cool in Pink Floyd's "Money" but there was no gun.

And did you know that this song sampled "Straight to Hell" by the Clash. It's true. Click on that link and see.

Let me know if you like it. I'm not crazy about the video but the song is really cool. Like me.

Sausage Sandwich Recipe Is So Simple It's Retarded

Mmmm. Here's a sausage sandwich I made. Here's the simple recipe:

Ingredients
Sausage (hot or mild)
olive oil
pepper
salt
garlic powder
onions
hot peppers
American Cheese
long roll

OK, this is so simple that anyone can make it.

- Saute onion in olive oil, then garlic. Add salt and, pepper and garlic powder. Remove from pan.
- Cook sausage in same pan until outside is brown.
- Before hand, broil long, hot peppers under broiler until skins are black. Place in paper bag for 15 minutes to steam then remove skins.
- Place American cheese on long roll and broil until cheese is slightly melted.
- Put sausage, onions, garlic and peppers on roll.
- Add Tabasco or horseradish if you please.

Enjoy.

Random Gran Torino Inspired Money Making Scheme

I just remembered that when I saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino the other week that when I came out of the theater I was teary eyed. I was a bit panicked because it hit me that if I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a while I'd be too ashamed to admit why I was crying.

Person: Zibbs, what are you doing here..wait....are you crying?

Me: Um. No..I mean......yeah.

Person: Ha. What movie are you coming from? Marley and Me*? Bride Wars? Don't tell me it was Bride Wars!

Me: I don't know you jackass. I was too concerned trying to revive my dad. He was an usher and he just died. He was in theater #5 right over there. I gotta go. I gotta tell my mom.

So the money making scheme that I mentioned in the title of the post is waiting outside of theaters and photographing people then telling them I want $20 or their cry baby face will be plastered all over the world wide web of the Internets. Does anyone want to get in on the ground floor of this sure fire business? If so, let me know how much seed money you're willing to front.

*And if you want to see a post I wrote about the filming of Marley and Me right here in downtown West Chester, PA -click here. I haven't seen the movie but the West Chester scenes are at the beginning when it's snowing then later when they go to the vet.

Norah Jones Little WIllies - I Love This Group

I love Norah Jones. She one of my favorite female voices of all time. If you haven't heard of The Little Willies, it's another group she's in with a bunch of her friends. I love every song on the album - which is rare. It's one of the albums I like to listen to on my ipod while lying in bed.

And like her other albums, it produced in a way that is perfect for listening to with headphones. Her voice is so smooth it just turns me to mush. Here she is performing live at The Living Room in NYC.

And this Friday send off song is dedicated to Greta, Morgan the Muse and Susan. Go check out their blogs and tell them Dr Zibbs sent you.

Freida Pinto From Slumdog Millionaire. Nice

This has been one of the worst years for movies that I can remember. 2008 I'm talking about. I did see a great one the other week called Slumdog Millionaire. It's about a guy who wins the Indian Version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. The story is mostly a flashback about how he was able to know all of the answers due to various events as a poor orphan growing up in India. Trust me. It's a great film.

And if you want to see one of the most beautiful actresses, look at that picture of Freida Pinto. She's drop dead, why are my trousers getting tighter gorgeous! This is her first movie and I'm predicting she's going to be a star. You heard it here. Here's her bio page.

Another great movie that's out is Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood.

Elvis and Ann Margaret - Viva Las Vegas

Happy Birthday King. Here's one from Viva Las Vegas with Elvis and the sexy redhead Ann Margaret. Man she just oozes sexy. When was the last time you saw this clip? And is that a bit of tap dancing I see Elvis doing at 1:17?

Also, check out the getup on Ann Margaret. She must like that "outfit" because I swear she's wearing the same thing in Bye Bye Birdie. If this video doesn't get you going - nothing will.

Today - January 8 - Is My Birthday

Today is my birthday. Click here to see who was born and who died on January 8. This is a post I wrote last year. Note that there are only 2 comments. And one is from me! What a loser. Man this blog has come a long way in one year.

Dangling Naked Skier Will Never Live This Down. Ever

So I'm sure everyone's heard about the skier in Vail yesterday that was stuck on the ski lift dangling upside down by his pants. Bare. Could you imagine the reality of how embarrassing this is for the dude? Imagine his first day back to work. You know HR had a meeting to tell everyone that, "What happened is NOT funny and nobody is to discuss this situation with Bob. Are we clear?"

I thought that shitting your pants in a meeting would be the pinnacle of embarrassment but this just might be worse. What? I never shit my pants in a meeting...... I'm just sayin'.

And then you've got people making videos like this:



And on a footnote, he was there with his son!

Mmmmm. Reese's Big Cup Hits The Spot

I probably eat one or two candy bars a week. If I'm in Wawa and I'm in the mood I'll pick one up. The only candy bars I ever buy are Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Snickers, Hershey's with almonds or Peanut M&M's.

Well add this new one to the list: The Reese's Big Cup. It fills me up more than the regular size and and I don't want to look like slob and buy the four packs. I hereby endorse this product.

The only thing that would make this day better is if I could see a Reeses commercial starring Robby Benson and Don Most (aka Ralph Malph) and it was filmed by someone holding a camera up to a crappy TV. Wait a minute. I can...right here.

Here's What I Want For My Jan 8 Birthday

I'm sure you've all marked down on your calendars that my birthday is January 8th (Thursday) but have you gotten me a gift yet? I have an idea for a gift. I'd like to have my biggest traffic week this week so I'm asking everyone to send a mass email out to your friends and tell them something like this*:

Hey friend, I'm not sure you read blogs at all, but the best one in the world is THAT BLUE YAK. Check it out. Simply Google this: That Blue Yak.

And here are links to some of his funniest posts:

Real Sex Talk From My Dad

Top 10 Things I Need To Know About Carny Housing

The Chris Burke Birthday Post

I'm Totally Picking A Dance Fight This Weekend

West Chester Blogger Considers Testing Out A Skull Topped Walking Stick

West Chester Blogger Invents Drinking Parlour Game

Hopefully Philly Heat Won't Kill Any Old People **

Pear Body Shape - Let's Get Learnin'

Gypsy Foot Care Factory Opens Up Shop In Chester County

Valentine's Day Tips From Humble Fork Lift Operator

Other ideas for January 8: Send me nude or revealing pictures. I'm discreet. Write a post about me. Leave a message on my Snapvine recorder (long distance charges apply as Fancy Schmancy has informed me so make sure you have long distance or use your cell phone).

*If you send out a mass email, let me know in the comments.
** I forgot how much this post made me laugh.

Look Out! Theater People Are Attacking

I have no idea if this book is good or not but every time I see this Attack of the Theater People book at the Exton Barnes and Noble I just start cracking up.

I'm waiting to see someone I know in the store so I can sneak up on them, reach this book around the corner into their face and say, "Hiiiiiiiiii there big boy."

How Many Eggs Does One Have To Eat To Be Labeled A Glutton?

So we're watching the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Vikings on Sunday at John Smith's house and we were getting on their son's case about a meal he had a few weeks ago. OK. First - what would you consider to be an amount of fried eggs and slices of bread that would cause you to say, "What the hell!! Are you kidding me?"

OK. Hold onto you plates. Here it comes....

My man had 10 fried eggs and a half a loaf of bread for breakfast! What??????

He's not obese. Yet. If I were one of those carnival workers that guesses weight and height, I'd say he's about 175 pounds and 5' 6". And his build is stocky/muscular. And he's about 22 years old.

Is it just me or is this ridiculous? And the let me know if you have any nickname ideas. So far, the tops ones are Eggy, Eggs and my favorite Huevos Diez.

Vibrating Touch By Trojan - Are These Being Used At Work?

Has anyone seen the Vibrating Touch commercial? It's a fingertip massager (say: vibrator). I think it's genius that Trojan came out with this product. They've also packaged it in a thin box that looks similar to a condom box. Brilliant. I bet they're going to sell millions of units.

And I love the commercial where the old lady is listening to the two chicks talking about it then she chimes in and tells them where they can buy it. I've been interrupted by strangers at least a dozen times while discussing Ben Wa balls with friends so I guess the commercial is pretty realistic.

I do have two questions though. Are that many women bringing these things to work that they need to be pocket sized for concealment? Has anyone ever caught anyone or suspected someone giving themselves a "massage" at work?

Is Anyone A Fan of Jeopardy?

I've been watching Jeopardy for years. For how smart those egg heads are, they sure are stupid when Alex introduces each of them and describes something "interesting" about them or a "funny" story. And the ridiculous banter begins.

Alex: So Ben Greenwood is from Chicago and apparently, Chicago really is the Windy City according to Ben. Tell us about that Ben.

Ben: It's true Alex. I was in downtown Chicago one time and I was late for a meeting and in my frantic scurry, I dropped my briefcase and it was so windy that a lot of the papers started blowing away. It took me almost five minutes to retrieve them all.

Alex: Oh my. I hope you weren't late for the meeting.

Ben: Well, I was but it made for a really funny story that everyone still talks about.

Alex: I'm sure it did.

I swear I've never heard an interesting or amusing story told. Shut up nerds and start playing!

And on the subject of Jeopardy, here's a great Jeopardy website called J! Archive that lets you roll over questions to see the answers. Nice.

West Chester Blogger Predicts Eagles Vikings Game

The Eagles are about to play the Vikings. I will now tell you the final score. My prediction for the game - Eagles 24 - Vikings 17.

I've Got Two Eyes And They're Both The Same Size

Remember Bob and Susan singing this classic, "I've Got Two" from Sesame Street? Here are two things that I will note:

1) Look at Susan's fancy footwork at 2:22. Groove it!

2) Since they're singing about having two feet, two hands, two eyes (that are both the same size), if I worked on the set, I would have hired a pirate to come on screen with a peg leg, a hook arm and an eye patch and say something like, "Yar. Do ya gotta rub it in?"

I'd do it just to keep Bob in his place.